Leave it to me

I went on a blind date last night. I'll wait till you pick your jaw up off the floor. Yes, me, Erin, I actually went on a blind date. I know how these things shock you. My date, hereafter to be known as The Guy, called me earlier in the afternoon and we set up a place and time to meet. I made the strategic decision to not save him to my phone book yet until after the date. I know a few other people with his name, and figured saving him in my phone prior to the date was just a hassle, given that I wasn't sure about his last name.
This decision becomes critical later.
With strangely little coaxing he convinces me to go all the way to freaking Provo to meet him, and then go up to Sundance for dinner. It is only because it was Sundance that I let a blind date convince me to drive that far on a blind first date.
I hit bad traffic and was running late. So I quickly pull out my phone, go to my most recent calls, and send a short text, "ETA 10 mins." I get no reply, which I thought was strange.
20 minutes later I pull up to his office. His name is clearly on the door, so feeling rather foolish, I attempted to open and go in. But it's locked. So I pull out my phone and call him. The conversation went exactly like this.
Male voice that answers: Hey, what's going on?
Me: I must not have been paying attention when you said where to go. So I'm here, but I don't know where to find you.
Male voice: We're sitting right inside, just come in.
Me: But the door is locked. I'm standing on the corner.
Male voice: I'll come out and look for you.
Pause, pause, pause
Male voice: I don't see you anywhere. Where are you?
Me: In front of the door! On the curb.
Male voice: Where? I'm looking and don't see anyone.
For the record, I'm standing in the middle of a fairly empty business complex parking lot. I should be VERY obvious.
Suddenly, my call waiting beeps in. I look down, and realize it is a Provo number. Uh oh.
Me: Um, someone's calling me. Gotta go.
Answer other line
Me: Hello?
Voice that sounds a lot more like The Guy: Hey, are you standing on the curb?
Me: (very meekly) Um, yes?
Voice that sounds a lot more like The Guy: Turn around, I'm on the steps across the street.
We hang up, and ta da, there he is!
Um... uh oh. Who was I on the phone with?? As I am still staring at my phone in confusion and The Guy is opening his car door for me my text message goes off-
Text: This is my confused face.
My reply: This is my sheepish embarrassed face when I have called the wrong number.
Text: That's f*ing hilarious. I'll stop looking for you now.
My reply: Let's pretend this never happened but mock me forever anyway.
Text: Word!

Still wondering who the heck I've just been talking to, it hits me- OUTgoing calls, INcoming calls. Oh crap. Who was the last person I called that wasn't in my phone book? Aw hell, that would have been a business call.
Sidenote- if you've ever received a text message from me you know that at the bottom of all my texts my name goes out automatically. So whoever it was I was talking to clearly knew who I was. A Very Big Oh Crap.
I figured out who it was pretty quickly. He's a nightclub owner that I booked a band at, and is thankfully a very funny and nice guy. If you are going to humiliate yourself that badly, he's the guy to do it in front of. And I have no doubt that he will mock me - to my face- for a very long time to come.

(The date then proceeded to be just as humorous and unexpected as the way it started. But that's not going to be discussed here anytime soon.)

Let the Post-Thanksgiving Blogging Begin

Not my turkey. My turkey was even better!

It is well known that when no one else is around and I am left to my own devices complete chaos tends to break out. Sadly, or possible fortunately, no one else is ever around to witness the insanity. But then again, if someone else was around, the chaos would probably not ensue, because I'd have someone to help me and help prevent the near disasters.
Cooking my first ever Thanksgiving meal on my own was one of those times. To say I was nervous about cooking several recipes I have never tried before for my cousins (Merry Brooke, Savannah, Chris and Rob) would be an understatement. And thanks to the discussion boards on LDS Linkup, I got really wrapped up in the excitement of something called "brining* a turkey." One week ago I had never even heard of brining. But then, somehow, thanks to my online friends, I decided to attempt it.
That was my first mistake.
Several more followed.

Here's what I wrote on the subject late Wednesday night (with a few edits)


I'm not sure which was my favorite part of the last hour
1. when the olive oil bottle fell off the top shelf, hitting the tiled floor of the pantry, shattering all over the place, BEFORE I got all of the necessary ingredients out of the walk-in pantry.

2. when the effing turkey slipped out of my hands and went sliding across the counter, NEARLY falling off onto the really not clean floor, so that i had to dive across the counter to save it, slipping in my socks on the tile floor-

3. when i finally got the 15 lbs *&^%* bird into the trash bag and filled up with brine (so that the bag now weighs closer to 30 lbs or more) just to discover the little plastic ring thingy had a sharp edge on it and popped right through the indestructible hefty bag, spraying brine all over me, the floor and the counter i had just cleaned

4. having to leave the freaking turkey naked in the sink while i rescued the rising dough for the Aunt Toots' rolls, sanitize the counter so i could knead the dough, etc

5. wrestle the slippery blasted turkey into an oven roaster bag

6. have to stop mid-wrestle, soaking wet, wash hands, and again knead the dough

7. return to attempting to get the damn 15 lb turkey and 10 gallons of brine into a new bag and onto the top shelf of the refrigerator (which is about eye level for me) with my sore back and bad shoulder

7. get it onto the top shelf just to realize that the bag now falls to the side and the brine is no longer covering the dang bird, THEN realize that the crisper drawer, if emptied of all the veggies, just might be the perfect size

8. move dumb stupid fowl from the top to the bottom while NOT slipping on the soaking wet floor, again with my bad back and shoulder

Am now completely covered in raw turkey and brine.

This had better be the best damn turkey since the freaking Pilgrims landed on effing Plymouth Rock!!

To wrap up the story, it did turn out to be the best damn turkey since the freaking Pilgrims landed on effing Plymouth Rock. It was amazing. I took it out of the brine at 9 am, stuck it in the oven with no seasoning whatsoever, and pulled it out at 12:30. Perfect. Amazing. I have never had a better turkey. When we went to go carve it we had no reason for a knife. In fact, when I picked it up to move it from the cooking pan to the prettier display pan, the legs just slipped off. It was that moist and tender. The legs just fell off the turkey. 5 people, 15 lbs turkey, and we ate nearly all of it. The rest of the food was amazing as well- mashed potatoes, cranberry relish (Jules, your recipe was divine- again we ate nearly all of it!!), "Aunt Toots' Rolls" (a 3rd generation family recipe), sweet potato souffle, salad, fried apples, and more. It was all good.

After we ate and digested I talked them all into playing Settlers with me. Robert kicked our trash. I think a rematch may be in order. And now they are crashed out on the couches watching my Tivo'd shows. And in about 6 hours Savannah and I will get back up and brave the Black Friday craziness. And then I have to go to work. That should be fun!

It was a great Thanksgiving!

*brining- (from wiki)- is a process similar to marination in which meat is soaked in a salt solution (the brine) before cooking. Brining makes cooked meat moister by hydrating the cells of its muscle tissue before cooking