save me from myself

 

I'm at my wit's end with my upstairs neighbors. It isn't their fault, so I don't take my frustrations out on them.
I hear every little footstep they make. All of them.
I hear when they sit down.
I can tell when they step into their micro-sized kitchen (where I wish they would go more often) because I can't hear them walk in there.
I can tell when they step into their shower.
I can (I kid you not) hear them roll over in bed!
But like I said, it isn't their fault. They aren't elephants and they don't stomp around heavy-footed.
Instead, the problem (according to the landlord, maintenance, and others) is that carpeting was put down over old parquet flooring. And the flooring has now come loose from whatever goes below the parquet. The neighbors don't hear it, because it is muffled to them by the padding and carpeting.
But down here? Under all of that?
Holy hannah, you have never heard such an annoying sound. Every single step they make sounds like they are jumping on a trampoline, or possibly a pogo stick, with constants creaks and springy squeaky sounds. It reminds me of a Mickey Mouse haunted house read-along record/book I had as a kid, where the haunted house had creaky floors and doors.
If it wasn't a non-stop, never-ending, incredibly loud noise, I would find it funny. It was comical at first. But now? It makes me want to cry half the time.
From the minute they get home from work (about 30 minutes after I do) to the minute they go to bed (about an hour before I do), it's non-stop squeaks and creaks coming from the ceiling.
And don't get me started on what it is like to wake up in the middle of the night to realize it was the sound of your neighbor rolling over in bed that startled you. (And I am a very sound sleeper.)
The landlord informs me that the only thing they can do is pull up all of the flooring upstairs. Last week they had the head of all maintenance for the property company come out. He declared it a safety issue, and pointed out some cracks in my walls that were not there before.
So they don't just sound like they might fall through the ceiling, they really might actually do that if this doesn't get fixed.
However, this safety issue (not to mention my sanity) isn't a pressing issue and they are dragging their feet on getting it fixed. I do feel sorry for the neighbors upstairs who will have their lives horribly disrupted to get this fixed. But not that sorry- every single minute they are at home, my life is disrupted.
My guess is that the landlord is going to try and push this off into January to fix so as to put the expenses into the next year.
Fun sidenote- noise blocking headphones don't block out creaking footsteps. (Or other noises emanating from above.) And I can still hear them loud and clear no matter how loud I turn up my TV or radio.
Right now I am pretty sure there must be 10 people practicing on pogo sticks up there. It's the only logical explanation. Or possibly 5 people doing jumping jacks?
Funny thing- I have never, not once, heard them talking, singing, yelling, etc. I've never heard their TV either. But I know many intimate details about their lives, like what time they shower, (how much hot water they use- but that's a different rant for a different day), go to work, go to bed, and what they do in bed. These are not things you want complete [annoyed] strangers to know about you.
Because that annoyed stranger just might finally hit her breaking point and decide to retaliate.
Which brings me to my point- who wants to post my bail?

just another girl in utah that felt the earthquake today

I think it probably made it across the news pretty well by now that we had an earthquake here in Utah this morning. I survived. It wasn't scary or a big deal.
But it got me thinking. I have now been through a hurricane (actually several big ones), an earthquake, a windstorm, full blown blizzards, heat waves, and a few other things. And only once, during Hurricane Jeanne in FL, did I ever feel like I was in danger. Pretty anti-climatic.
My version of this morning's earthquake? I had just woken up and was sitting on the toilet. All I thought was, "Woah, something's not right here." When I get migraines they always start with a "personal earthquake." And all I had time to think was that I really hoped I wasn't getting a migraine, but how odd it was that the towels were shaking. I got in the shower, and by the time I got out, the radio was calling it an earthquake. I was just glad it wasn't a migraine.
Seriously, very anti-climatic.
Now, if I could just survive the world's loudest and worst neighbors.

Letter to the Guy Downstairs

To: the very loud music-playing neighbors downstairs
From: Me, a girl who doesn't appreciate latin bass

Re: Your loud music

First, I'd like to thank you for exposing me to a new style of music. Latin hip-hop had not yet made my horizons. Also, thank you for my new cellulite reducing routine. See, your music is so loud that it makes everything in my apartment pulsate. And if I am sitting on the floor, or a chair, or a bed, while you are playing your music, it pulsates just enough to actually reduce the cellulite on my back end. It has taken me years to reduce the amount of cellulite you have removed in just 6 short days of living here.
But I do have a bone to pick with you. It's the second-hand pot smoke. It's wafting up from downstairs and quite frankly making my new home STINK. I did just make a lovely batch of peanut butter chip and chocolate chip cookies, and I was thinking of bringing it down to share with you. Would that work? Would you open a window and turn down the music in exchange for a plate of cookies? Or do you prefer brownies?
Also, I am just a little bit worried about the little 4 year old girl that lives with you. She doesn't have enough body fat to really benefit from the cellulite reduction. Should I bring her some extra cookies?