Muse-ing

I need a muse.
There, I've said it.
My life is far too boring, way too uneventful, and incredibly dull these days. Nothing but let-downs and static.
I need a muse. And inspiration.
I need something or someone that gets me motivated and creative again.
I thought for a few days I had met an interesting guy. Sadly, he quickly went from interesting to downright peculiar and odd. Including an email he sent me about cows.
Cows do not equal muse. Ever.
I'm suddenly understanding the practice of having a muse, and why artists were patrons of rich benefactors. I can't be creative sitting around at home. But take me out of the house, put me in a beautiful setting, with new, inspiring people around, and I can write anything. I can create all day long.
I need a rich, interesting, fancy person, preferably with a single, handsome manservant, to sponsor me for a while. Allow me to come live in their fancy estate by the water where I can write a book or two or five. And just flirt with their beefcake of a manservant for a few days. Nothing serious. Just something to stir the senses. A cabana boy would work too. I promise to give him back when I'm done.
Anyone have an estate by the water with a cabana boy, and Diet Dr Pepper on tap, that I could borrow for a few days? I'll even settle for a pastry chef and a lake house. Pool house and yard boy? Lake cabin and a younger brother?
Just let me know. I'm flexible. And I promise to dedicate the book to you. And the cabana boy.

Finding Creativity

I'm trying to take advantage of my free week and really get into writing again. ("Because I Can" week continues!) I've managed to write a little bit so far, and I'm glad I did it. But I can really feel my creative side hasn't kicked in yet. When I feel creative, I LOVE to write. I can write and write, and daydream and get it down on paper in a heartbeat. I love it.
But sometimes I just can't get into the groove. I just don't feel it. Right now when I relax and let my mind be free, I find myself writing lists and lists of things I need to do. Or looking up houses online, or checking moving van prices. Anything but releasing my inner creativity. I miss it! I want my creative side back!
Normally my creative side is very literally fed and fueled by chocolate, cheeseburgers, and pepperoni pizza. Apparently my creative gene requires grease and sugar to stay alive.
So how to be creative? I don't know. I know it is an important step in becoming a writer to be able to write well without inspiration or "the urge." So I am working on that step this week. I'm trying to write without the bug in me. Maybe I'll finally be able to just relax and let my creative side win. Maybe. I hope so. I miss her.

Perfect Summer Night

Tonight I am working on my novel from the comfort of my lawn chair on my balcony, with my cute little japanese lanterns lights all aglow on the railing. I have beautiful country music playing from the laptop. It's a lovely 80 degrees outside.
I'd call this the perfect summer night.


Thank you to the commenters on the novel passage below. I really appreciate it. I hope a few more people leave some feedback as well. When Juli and I wrote Beyond Perfection I never really faced a monumental block. There were days where it was hard to be disciplined and keep writing. But I never really got frustrated and unable to decide what to do with a character. Many writers will tell you that the characters tell them where they will go. And that is very true. I do feel that at times. I think the block this time is my own personal emotional block, unwilling to let the characters have to feel certain pain, because it means I will have to feel it as the writer as well. I'm not sure if that will even make sense outside of my own head. But there you have it.

The writing bug or opening my soul?

I actually sat down and did some serious writing this weekend. The bug is back and I'm enjoying myself. I thought I'd try and spur myself into more writing by sharing what I have done, and look for a little feedback.
So here's a little passage from this weekend's efforts. The character is a confused and conflicted 30-something single woman talking to her long term boyfriend who has been gone on a long business trip. What do you think?

It's not that I hate you. It's not that you have done anything wrong. It's that while you are gone my insecurities creep in and I begin to doubt. I wonder where you are and who you are with. And suddenly, my insecurities turn into resentment and jealousy. I'm resenting you because you aren't with me. Jealous that you have a life beyond us. And before long my resentment becomes hate. And I think I hate you and you haven't done anything to deserve it, and don't even know what I am going through or what I am feeling. And I don't even know if you care that I am thinking all of this? And then I realize that it isn't fair to either of us. Because the truth is that I love you. I love you so much. But I hate you sometimes. And I don't know what to do about that. All I know is I love you and I need you. I need you in my life to talk me down from these ledges I put myself on. And how confusing is that? You are the person I love and trust more than anything in this world. But I hate you because I can't trust you. Or me.

Thoughts??