The best conversations and the most creative thoughts can come out of your head after 1 a.m. I was having a great little chat with a particular friend when we came to the conclusion that Hallmark needs to make a "booty call" card. Dating has become far too complicated. You meet someone, you think they are fun, you enjoy a few conversations, and it all seems so easy at that point. But no, that is where the fun and easy ends. I don't care what all the married people in the world think, say, or do. Dating never gets easier as soon as you have gone on the first date.
Right up until you have gone on the first date there is a lot of vague, "what if?" But the truth is, it gets worse after the first date. If you call too soon, email, IM, text, etc, it can come off as way too eager. And even if you do really like the person, you don't want to send an overzealous message and scare them off. But then you don't want to wait too long either and send the message that you have little interest.
And then there is the second date. Suddenly there is pressure to really show your true colors, be yourself. Test the waters, see if the person likes you. And then there is the kissing dilemmas. Do you? Don't you? Who knows? Too soon? Too eager?
And then the third date. A third date usually means, "I like you." But again you have this big awful scary rejection choice. If you have made it to date 3, you both clearly have some degree of interest in the other. You must want to get to know the other person better. There is never another reason to go on the third date, except for those instances when you did go for the kiss or more on the second date, and you just feel obligated to go on the third, even if you have lost interest already. That is where the real confusion begins.
Which is where the "booty calling card" comes in. Dating would be so much easier if everyone could just come with labels on them. For instance, labels that read, "Only looking for a makeout buddy." "Only interested in dinner and conversation." "Serious issues with commitment." "Looking to get married ASAP." "I only want to be friends." "Want sex, nothing else." How much easier would dating be if you just knew from the get-go what they were looking for?
Maybe labels are a bit much. But we could start having required mandated conversations at the beginning of a date and at the end of the date. "I'm Annie and I'm looking for a boyfriend," at the beginning of the date. And then at the end of the date, "You are fun and cuter than I expected. But not quite what I'm looking for. So I'm offering you "friends with benefits" status. What do you think?" And his part of the conversation would go something like this. "I'm a guy, therefore I'm only interested in a physical relationship." And then later, "Hey, a no-strings attached relationship with booty call options on the weekends works for me."
I'm telling you, this would make life so much easier!!! How has dating not evolved to common sense levels yet??
I think labels, though, also complicate an already complicated system. Or reduce it to oversimplicity, one or the other. How many of us can be boiled down to just one thing like that? And perhaps it might scare off someone who thinks he's looking for something else (a booty call) and with whom something more serious develops, and he decides to go with it.
ReplyDeleteThough now that I think about it, I kind of have been doing that with a particular person I know who I used to date, with whom I am now a "friend with potential"--I am more up front with him about expectations and what I want than I ever have been with anybody else, because we're past the point where games actually work.
Aha! I see you did say it on Meridian after all!
ReplyDeleteI can't find your email on the article page, so I'm going to razz you here: is the 3rd from the last sentence in the article a pun? ("wear," not "where") :D
ReplyDelete