My Violin Playing Goat

“It feels like how being in love should be. Floating through a dark blue sky." "With a goat playing the violin.""Happiness isn't happiness without a violin playing goat."

 
“True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another.” 
 

“You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.”

"When love feels like magic, you call it destiny. When destiny has a sense of humor, you call it serendipity." 

“I feel like you are the reward for everything I did right in my life.”

"I read once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you.” 
 

"I'm looking for a dare to be great situation." 

"You had me at hello."

"You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time." 

"That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else."

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

"I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night."

This blog post started out several days ago with a very different intent. A friend and I were discussing how my ideals have changed. How now I am no longer looking for a good and comfortable companion to live with. Now that I am in my mid-30s, stable, happy, and quite content with the path I am on, I have no desire to upset the apple cart to make room for a comfortable companion. If I'm going to change my life and allow someone in like that it will be for nothing less than fireworks and shooting stars. My friend argued with me that she didn't agree. After all, marriage isn't all fireworks and shooting stars, is it? The excitement fades away to comfortable companionship. But that's just the thing. I am comfortable. I have a good companion (my dog, Kaya). I don't want to uproot my life for something I already have. Loneliness is not an issue for me. I am quite content alone. There is no reason to change except for the exceptional!

But like I said, that was the direction this post was headed in several days ago. Tonight, aided most by sleeping pills, I'm feeling more daring, more open than usual. And when I read the romantic quotes of the silver screen, I can't help but think of what kind of man could stir that sort of emotion up in me. The truth is most days of the week I can't imagine that after this much time, this many bad experiences, this many broken hearts, that there is a man who so much wishfulness up in me. But sometimes when I least expect it I will get a glimpse of goodness in a man and it gives me hope that somewhere out there one man contains all of the goodness I am looking for.


I could make a checklist of qualities that my ideal man must exude. But I learned in my 20s that that is just a silly thing to do. Why exclude a wonderful man just because he matches his socks, or doesn't like country music? Instead, tonight, I think I can succinctly sum it all up in just a few short lines.

I want a man brave enough to daringly defy the odds and wants to give up the comfortable and convenient single life with me. I want a man who isn't afraid to be great. I want a man who has the courage to put his heart on the line and risk it all- for me.


Because what are all those romantic movie quotes about except putting your heart on the line and risking it all? All the way down to the violin playing goat. Because happiness isn't happiness until you have done the thing no one thought possible. You risked your own happiness to find love. You put yourself out there and achieved the inconceivable. You played the violin. You are the violin playing goat.


And that is what I am looking for- a violin playing goat. And nothing less.

Priorities!

This picture is about 5 years old I think. I weigh 20 lbs less now. Woohoo! This was a trade show set up day. I never looked good on set up days. Superhero shirts were a necessity on setup days!

This afternoon I came to the very scary realization that I have, without question, completely overextended myself. I sat down to make up my list of things to do and realized that I have way too many major projects on my plate.

(deleted- I did have the major projects listed and then realized that maybe I shouldn't let everyone know I'm up to!)

Where to begin?!?!  And who is going to do the laundry and the dishes and walk the dogs and get all this stuff out of my living room while I get it all done??

What? You mean I signed up for this life and I have to do it all by myself? Fine, I will. Bring on the Diet Dr Pepper and break out the superhero t-shirts. I got myself into this, I'll get myself through it too.

And now you all know the secret as to why I have and wear so many superhero t-shirts. Self-motivation.

Live and Let Die

Sometime late tonight John Allen Mohammad will most likely be executed by the state of Virginia. If his name isn't familiar to you chances are that his criminal moniker, the DC Sniper, probably is.
I honestly don't know if I am for or against the death penalty. I don't believe that Mosaic law has much of a place in today's world. I do believe that the Ten Commandments cannot be replaced, but they can be added onto. But does "eye for an eye" truly hold up? In a world where there are other ways to make equal restitution, I just don't know.
But then I come back to thinking about Mr. Mohammad. And I don't believe he deserves to live among men. What he did was evil, unnatural, and absolutely not human. He has no place among humanity. He deserves absolutely nothing beyond a fair trial to determine his guilt. He is God's son and his punishment or forgiveness belongs in the hands of God, and not among men.
In my humble opinion, Mr. Mohammad is one of the lowest creatures on Earth. Not only did he commit atrocious acts of violence against mankind, but he also brainwashed and corrupted a young boy (John Malvo). Just for what he did to Malvo I believe he has lost the right to associate with other men.
And then I come back to my original argument.
Mohammad is a horrible person. I honestly don't know that he deserves the right to live. When I allow myself to think emotionally (which isn't hard to do- 2 of his attacks were within 5 minutes of my parents' home. Along with so many others I lived in complete fear and terror for my family's well-being during the attacks.) I am convinced he has no right to live. But when I think objectively about the death penatly, I just can't convince myself that men should ever be allowed to take the life of another.
Your thoughts?

To read more about tonight's execution, click here.

We're also discussing this on my Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/erinannie

Lunchables- Laura T!

It would be so easy for me to just interview members of Big Brothers Big Sisters or the Big Alliance. There are some great people there, and I expect that I will introduce you all to many of them! This week I'm bringing you the crowning jewel of our wonderful organization!

Laura T!

Occupation: Awesome staff member at Big Brothers
How I met her: Like I said, she's an awesome staff member for BBBSU. She invited me to my first Big A event. I think we've talked at least once a week every week since then!
Lunchables location: Cheesecake Factory


Since Laura is also a Big Sister, and completely dedicated to the program, I thought it would be fun to bring along Little for the interview. My questions are in black, Little's in purple.



What is your favorite past-time?
She loves to go camping with her boyfriend, Matt. And there's nothing better than reading a book and sitting in the sun, just enjoying the quiet. When not camping, she likes to spend time in the garden (and now I know who to have come help me next spring).

Shoes or heels? 
Neither! Flats or flip flops. (Sidenote: I was with her yesterday in a mountain town, where the temperatures were far below 50 degrees. I was wearing thick socks and boots. She was in flip flops.)

What are you passionate about?
Prepare yourselves folks for absolutely the best answer ever given.
"Nothing really."
And then with a little prying she very passionately spoke for twenty minutes about the things she cares about. I learned so much about her during this time. It was fantastic!
Laura, like so many of us, thought she would go into politics. Her studies in college had her heading that direction. She wanted to be involved in something influential- or even be influential herself someday. But then during 2006 as the events at Guantanamo Bay unfolded she found herself becoming very disappointed and upset with politicians, and even in her friends who didn't care more. To put it mildly, she was very upset that more people didn't care about the lies that were told and the tortures that took place. Her exact quote, "People are mean, and that's not right."
She realized that you can't change the world, because you can't change ideas. So she herself made some changes. It wasn't a change of heart- she still believed strongly in wanting to be a part of something important and something influential. Instead she made a change of plans and got involved with non-profit work.
And that is how she found herself working for Big Brothers Big Sisters!

What's your favorite thing to do with your Little?

Cooking!
Really? Erin and I don't cook together anymore since we almost caught the apartment on fire one time.

What is your favorite memory?
No one memory stands out, but every camping trip is amazing. "I hope to someday make a favorite memory."

How long have you been with Matt?

2 years

What defines you?
Ambition- wanting to help people. The drive to do good things.
Being kind to people is important!

What's your favorite color?

White

Define your relationship style?
"I'm a career girlfriend." Every relationship is long term and serious. When she's in it, she's in it!

Why aren't you married yet?
Laura is not your traditional Utah, let's get married at 20 years old, type of girl. In fact, she's almost as far from that as you can get. In her view, marriage is an outdated tradition, and she's not a fan. Anyone can perform a marriage, and it only takes an hour online to get a divorce. 
"You can spend twenty years with anybody if you try hard enough. Try sixty years! Its a lot harder!" Life spans used to be a lot shorter, therefore, marriages used to be a lot shorter. Marriages served a very different purpose then.
She's very happy with Matt. She also notes that between the two of them, their parents have been divorced 8 times.

How many types of bread can you name?

Russian, rye, jewish, wheat, white, sourdough, potato, glucose free, corn, pumpkin, cinnamon, "everything at great harvest," the tasty savory loaf, sesame, bagels, banana, zucchini, french, and homemade.


What I want to tell you about Laura
First, she's fantastic. She's fun, patient, smart, understanding, passionate, and puts her money where her mouth is. She knows how to have fun and how to be professional. She's pulled together a very talented group of people from nothing to create a very effective and influential organization in under a year. She doesn't just talk about wanting to make a difference. She doesn't just donate a few dollars here and there. She chooses to work and devote her life to being involved in what she believes in. You wouldn't expect that after spending all day working for Big Brothers Big Sisters that she would also want to volunteer her time for them as well. But no! She's also a Big Sister. This is a girl that really does "walk the walk and talk the talk."




And now I need to ask all my darling readers for help! Do you have a single friend in the SLC area that you think I should meet and interview? If so, let me know! I need more people!

Joining the Cool Kids Club

I have finally joined the cool kids club and purchased a large flat screen TV. If you need to find me I'll be eating low fat snacks, spending quality time with my DVR, and enjoying a TV that doesn't require a telescope to see. I'll surface sometime next week. Feel free to stop by and bring a DVD with you.

Social Networking FAIL

I received a LinkedIn invite today from a former boss. A boss that I despised working for, and he despised me as well. He told me on more than one occasion to not think so much and just sit at my desk and look pretty. In other words, a guy I would never in a million years use as a reference or want to be associated with.
And yet, he's attempted to add me on LinkedIn.
But here's the kicker. He's listed me as a colleague for the wrong company. In so many ways, I'm not surprised. First, it shows his total lack of understanding as to how social networking works. Second, he still doesn't recall what it is I do! Its tempting to add him, just to write a recommendation on him, explaining how he was a jerk and  added me for the wrong company. Knowing him, he's too clueless to know how to delete a negative comment like that.
But I'm better than that, so I'll just block him instead.

Why just be when you can do?

What does it mean when you wake up with "Back in the USSR" stuck in your head?

I'm back in Utah again, and happily so. There is much to be done over the next few weeks and I'm excited and hopefully motivated to get to it all. I'll spare you the laundry list. Suffice it to say sometimes I have a tendency to really over do it, and these next two weeks may just prove that point all too well.

Why do I feel this constant need to run a million places at once? Is it that I really am pulled that many ways? Or do I just walk right into it and get myself involved in too many things? I'm never really sure.

One thing I do know, today I'm going to enjoy myself. I'm not going to worry about money, commitments, or what I haven't accomplished yet. I'm just going to enjoy getting my house in order and taking care of the little furry beings in my house.

That reminds me... "beings."

A few years ago there was a person in my life who often counseled me to stop trying to be everything to everyone. I'm sure he had good intentions, but he clearly didn't understand me as a person. But I digress. He frequently gave me advice (or what he thought was advice) that we are human "be"-ings, not human "do-ings." If I recall correctly (and to be honest I've blocked out most of the crap he ever said to me) his point was that it was okay to just "be," and not to have to constantly be "doing." I'm sure if a wiser and sager person had said all of that with more back up advice and theory maybe it would have made sense.

Personally, I'd like to call a big BS on that one. My dogs and cats, they are just "beings." They don't have much purpose in life other than to just be (thanks to domestication, but we'll save my lecture on that for some other day). Humans maybe would be better labeled as "doings." (Ick, its just so lame. I hate saying it.) I'll even paraphrase some Mormon scripture to back me up here. "Adam fell that man might be, and man is that he might have joy," and "overcome the natural man." To me that is plain and simple that we can't just be. We have to work to have joy.We have to overcome and not just be.

So when I'm stretched thin and wondering why I'm always so busy, I always remember the idiot that told me I didn't have to do everything. That I could just be. Sorry dude, I disagree. I'd rather spend my life doing something and finding joy from it. And not just "being" and never experiencing the happiness that comes from doing.

Goodbye New York, till next time

Oh my goodness, what a crazy week this has been! I always enjoy visiting New York City, and I always enjoy leaving NYC. There has been lots of shopping, shopping, and more shopping - all at H&M. (I did visit a few other stores as well, but only bought from H&M.) Tuesday night I went out with Georgina, an old friend from my Langley days. We went to a Turkish restaurant in Hell's Kitchen. I'm going to say neither of us really cared for it. Then we walked up to 30 Rock for a little Magnolia Bakery goodness. We discovered that 2 normal looking girls sitting still long enough will get asked to take pictures for strangers at least a dozen times in one night! It was so fun to see Georgina looking so good and happy! I love seeing happy friends!
Wednesday night I went out on a fun last second blind date! The guy was totally great and very understanding that I was shopping, and was kind enough to meet me at H&M. We had a great time chatting and then... Funny story there... So one upon a time a long time ago, my sister was in the hospital for a very long time. I was bounced around between different families at church for a while, spending much of my time with one particular family. They had lots of kids, and I fit in perfectly in the line up. They even set up a bed for me in their daughter's bedroom, and that became my second home for a while. They had a little boy in their family that was my nemesis. He was a wild little boy, and I was a girly girl, and we were oil and water.
So what does this have to do with my blind date? Guess who was (and still is) my blind date's BFF?? Yep, my nemesis. Talk about crazy coincidences and funny connections!
And that brings us to Thursday. Oh Thursday, what did I ever do to hurt you? First, breakfast sucked. Second, lunch was a hot dog that I think had it out for me. I haven't exactly recovered from that yet. But things looked up when I found out my cousin was in town for a few hours, and we hooked up for a fancy dinner.
So now I have lots of NaNoWriMo writing to catch up on (I left my computer in the office each night, so I couldn't type up my NaNoWriMo stuff, but I did write it in my notebook!), and over 300 Facebook notifications to catch up on.

If this is working (and I have no way of knowing) I am now able to blog from my phone!!

Waking Up in the City That Never Sleeps

I'm back in NYC for the third time in five months. I've visited my three favorite places- H&M, Pronto Pizza, and Magnolia Bakery. And for the first real time since losing weight, I went clothes shopping. I honestly had no idea what sizes I would wear, and I am still not sure what size I wear! I visited H&M, Ann Taylor, and Macy's, and at each store I wore a very different size. I have a limited budget, so I'm doing lots of research shopping before I actually purchase some outfits. Gotta make sure I'm getting the most versatile and best deal, right??

I admit, its fun. Having no other place to be this evening, I tried on all sorts of outfits out of my price range, and certainly out of my range of necessity. Short, slinky, backless little black dress with pearl loops dangling down the back? Yes, I did that. $475 jeans with rhinestone studded belt loops with a $200 Ed Hardy shirt? Sure, why not. Silky, ruffly dress with stiletto heels? Of course. Its fun to play pretend dress up sometimes.

Tomorrow morning, fate willing, I will be getting up early for either a walk through Central Park, or if time permits, a trip down to Ground Zero. In all of the times I have been to NYC in the past 10 years, I have never been to Ground Zero. I'm trying to do a few new things this week, and that's top of my list. Let's see if it happens...

Lunchables- Intern Kate

Welcome to our third Lunchables installment. I have to admit, I am LOVING doing these. Meeting interesting people and eating good food. What's not to love?

Intern Kate

If you are a country music fan in the Salt Lake City area, you may already be familiar with this week's lunch date. "Intern Kate" can be found on the Keith Stubbs' Show on 101.5 the Eagle in the mornings.

Current location: Salt Lake City

Occupation: Personal Assistant and budding radio personality

Lunchables location: Ruth's Diner in Emigration Canyon

How we know each other: Kate and I met each other via Twitter of all crazy places. Until our lunch date we had never met in person, but had exchanged several Twitters and emails. Now we are regular texting buddies and plan to get together for some fun single girl adventures soon!

Question #1- Favorite past-time

"Radio! Getting to go to concerts, country dancing, or just hanging out at the station!"

Kate is new to radio. If you think being on-air radio talent makes you rich and famous, guess again. Radio stations are all operated on shoestring budgets. But that hasn't kept Kate, a darling 30-something, from taking a leap of faith into pursuing what she loves. Believe it or not she is an unpaid intern, and is working there because she loves it. (She also has a full-time job as a personal assistant to a local businesswoman.) You can do Kate a favor and help her be even better at her internship by following @1015theeagle on Twitter! (She runs the account.)

Question #2- Passions!

No surprise here. The sweet and sensitive Kate says that she is passionate about her friends and family, and helping them out. She says it keeps her up at night worrying about other people's struggles. (Sounds like she's a wonderful friend to have!)

Oh and radio!

Question #3- What is your favorite memory?

"Spending time with my step-sisters. We would put on dance concerts for our parents, tape it, and watch it over and over again!"

Question #4- What defines you?

Kate took a very long pause and thought this one over before answering.

"Very spontaneous, something crazy, and taking road trips."

The next question is "give me 5 words that define your dating life." But here's what you need to know about Kate first. Not unlike some people I know, she's in her 30s, sick of dating, and yet hasn't given up all hope yet. She's recently started dating a great guy, and has even more recently begun referring to him as her boyfriend. It is all still so new to her I can't blame her for not knowing which answers to give. Kate with a Boyfriend answers? Or the Other Kate who is in her 30s and finds dating impossible?

After some debate, she went with Other Kate.

"Before I decided to let him be my boyfriend..."

1. Spontaneous

2. Willing to give someone a chance

3. Expecations

4. Random

5. Not superficial/very in-depth

And the best answer ever? "I once went to Canada for a first date [with a guy she met online]. Try explaining to Border Patrol that you don't know the guy's last name."

Question 6- Why aren't you married yet?

She busts up laughing. And keeps laughing.

"Because I haven't said yes!"

Now for the fun question- name as many types of cheese as you can think of in 1 minute-

Bleu, string, gorgonzola, goat, cottage, mozzarella, smoked, sharp, cream, and pepper jack!

What I want to tell you about Kate-

Asking a girl I had never met before out to lunch was a little intimidating. Like I said before, we had only communicated a few times via Twitter. (We're both "Due Westies.") We also exchanged a few emails regarding social media tips. No big deal. A few weeks ago she left a comment on my blog, which lead me to her blog, which lead me to the real her. As soon as I read her blog, Kiss Me Kate,  I knew we would get along. I've struggled a lot in Utah to find a single female friend who had never been married before, and has the same ideals and ambitions as me. In DC (and other places I have lived) this was never a problem for me. In Utah its ridiculously difficult to find!

Within just a few minutes of sitting down to eat (ooh, almost forgot- at the time we were both on the HCG diet. instead of moral support, we both completely encouraged each other to cheat. it was fun.) we were opening right up and talking about how hard it is to maintain our ideals and standards sometimes. We were both thrilled to discover a kindred spirit who understands the difficulties and challenges of the over-30 LDS dating world.

She is genuine and down to earth, and equally funny and adventurous. I tested her when she said she likes crazy adventures and road trips. (I was only half joking, and mostly serious.) We had known each other less than 30 minutes when I asked her if she wanted to take the gay bus to Wendover to see a Joan Jett concert. I knew we'd be great friends when she actually considered it for a minute, and then realized she had plans with her boyfriend. And then suggested I meet her boyfriend so that we could convince him to do some crazy things with us!

She's the real deal. If her awesome boyfriend doesn't step up to the plate (no rush, it is still a new relationship and all), I will personally go on a mission to find her the perfect man, if for no other reason than to get her off the playing field so that I can have a chance!

NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo

No, I'm not talking gibberish! It just sounds like I am.

I'm taking the NaNoWriMo challenge this month. What's that? National Novel Writing Month. If you take the official challenge and register with their site, you are committing to writing a 175 page novel (or by their counts 50,000 words) in 30 days. (I still recall all too well when our publisher said, "love the book, now go back and add another 50 pages or 25,000 words minimum to it." So I question the challenge just a bit.) So I'm taking my own spin on the challenge, and committing to writing for 1 hour daily for 30 days.

Then there is the NaBloPoMo challenge. That would be National Blog Posting Month. I am committing to writing with intent every day for 30 days.

Obviously if I can keep up with NaBloPoMo you will know.

If I can keep up with NaNoWriMo I will start sharing some of it later in the week (on my very very neglected StoryAnnie blog).

Anyone else taking the challenges?

V

Nothing in this world has scared me like the mini-series and TV show "V" did when I was a little girl. I can still vividly remember watching the aliens pull their skin off to reveal their lizardness, and how it made my own skin crawl.
I remember watching the green circle growing around the pregnant woman's neck, marking the length of her pregnancy. I was terrified about what would happen when the circle was complete. Just thinking about it now makes me shudder.
And the only recurring nightmare I have ever had in my life involves people eating hamsters and mice, and then watching an alien baby crawl out of its mother's stomach.

AAAAGH! NIGHTMARE CITY!

And as you may have noticed I'm rather obsessed with all things 80s.

And Morena Baccarin, who ROCKED in Firefly/Serenity is the star of the new remake.  (I totally have a girl crush on her, and I wish I could rock her hairstyle the way she does.)

So you can probably guess what my DVR is set for on Tuesday night! I can't think of a better show for a remake and update. I'm hoping I love this one as much as 8 year old me loathed the old one.

But what I really want to know is what old 80s show you think should be remade or brought back??