It has been brought to my attention by my dear reader, Anonymous, that I haven't blogged about my love life in a while. There are multiple reasons for this, starting with, I'm pretty sure most of the objects of my affection are possibly reading this blog. It makes it hard to say much about them, but I'm going to have fun trying anyway.
As usual, there is more than one guy on my list, and I'm not doing a good job of narrowing down the list. But I think that is what everyone enjoys mocking and reading about the most. So without further ado, I bring you-
THE LIST
*all names completely made up and make sense only to me*
Mr. Smith- Mr. Smith has been on my radar for a while, and things have finally started to move in an interesting direction. Every conversation with him I learn something more interesting and intriguing about him. He has a lot of potential, and the best part about him is that he makes it very clear he's interested back. It's been a while since I actually had a guy around that is easy to read. But it is way too soon to say what will happen with him.
The Cowboy- He's been on the list for considerably longer than most guys. He's also periodically known as the soulmate. Our friendship is better than ever, but his biggest flaw is that he keeps improving upon the friendship and nothing else. I know he has one major problem with me, and it isn't something I can do anything about. If it weren't for this completely superficial problem, I'm pretty sure there would be no other need for a list.
The Gentleman- Have you ever met a guy in his 30's that is good looking, charming, intelligent, and never been married? The kind of guy that makes you scratch your head and ask yourself why he never has a girlfriend, let alone married? I think this guy is great, and look forward to our frequent communication. But I'm seriously starting to think he is asexual. Some info recently came to me that this guy is interested in dating other girls, but there is one platonic friend of his that makes it nearly impossible for him to make better relationships. But I say if this guy wanted a better relationship elsewhere he'd find a way to make that happen.
So there it is. THE LIST. And as you know, I'm always taking applications for a spot on THE LIST. Interested parties may apply in person.
http://www.brodyvercher.com/images/application-boyfriend.pdf
ReplyDeleteAll interested parties should submit the application to me as part of the prescreening process. Thanks for your interest.
What are the prerequisites you seek in your potential eternal mate?
ReplyDeleteI am so torn between giving the sarcastic answer, the funny answer, and something close to a serious answer. So I'm giving all 3.
ReplyDelete1. Sarcastic, "The list is short, but distinguished." (My love to the first person to correctly guess that quote.)
2. A heartbeat.
3. A guy who actually understands the concept of "eternal mate" and all it entails, can appreciate my humor, and is smarter than me. In exactly that order.
As the official prescreener, I must request that anonymous hereby identify himself. I have to review your resume before you can even begin the confirmation process. If you're not man enough for that, you're not man enough for her.
ReplyDeleteI need to add one more prerequisite for an eternal companion. He can't own a snake. It's a dealbreaker.
ReplyDeleteQuote is from Goose, "Top Gun". Just altered a bit.
ReplyDeleteNice answers!
Jules,
I know someone who might be interested, but there's no e-mail address to send the application to. Or, is this a "if you want it bad enough, you'll find it"?
It's the latter, Z. You have to first prove you're proactive and have enough desire. Many will call, but few are chosen.
ReplyDeletei'm happy to provide a clue. jules is julipalooli, and she has a blog too.
ReplyDeleteanonymous and zwoelfet1, lower your standards!
ReplyDeleteI am not a career woman. Anyone who has personally witnessed my work ethic or motivation would never accuse me of such a thing! I am solely motivated by money and boredom, both things the right applicant could cure.
ReplyDeleteThe forbes definition of a career woman is college educated (strike 1), makes more than $30,000 a year (strike 2), and works at least 35 hours a week (if flirting with cops counts as work, strike 3).
ReplyDeleteCollege educated- check
ReplyDelete$30K + Check
Flirts with cops for money- check
Okay, I'm a career woman. Although I'm pretty sure I could do my job without the college education.
But again, there's that clause for women who would give it all up in exchange for a good (the right) man.
I should point out that one point of that article was that career women are more likely to leave their husbands because they aren't afraid to take care of themselves. This isn't a negative against the women. This SHOULD spur men into being better husbands and realizing what their woman wants!!
or it could spur men into marrying lower status women. Isn't there a song that goes "if you want a happy life, marry an ugly wife!" Maybe instead of ugly that should be poor and not too bright. It sounds bad when you say it like that but there's a certain logic to it. The dumb girl gets a guy that is likely wealthlier, nicer, and more hygenic than the dumb,poor guy she would otherwise end up with and the smart,rich(or at least richer) man doesn't have to deal with all the demands that come with marrying a smart girl.
ReplyDeletewell if that isn't incentive to make something of yourself, i don't know what is.
ReplyDeletebut who are we kidding? the world is too full of smart, witty and attractive women for that logic to hold up for even a second. why would any smart women want to settle for a dumb guy? and why would any "career" man want a dumb wife?
Looks to me like Justin is trying to clear the field for himself.
ReplyDeletewith logic like that, justin shouldn't have any problem clearing his field.
ReplyDeleteBut when you think about it, if you're pulling in less than 30K per year, just about any guy with a full time job is going to look like a sugar daddy.
ReplyDeleteHey Jules- any good applications yet?
ReplyDelete