Sunday, November 05, 2006
When all you know is you don't know what you want
I have reached one of "those" points in my life. I couldn't begin to tell you what it is I want, but I can give you a long list of things I don't want in my life. I don't want boredom. I don't want student loans. I don't want to live in some boxy apartment again. I don't want a desk job. I hate desk jobs. I do know that I hate holding myself back because there are so few around me that I can trust. Fear of backstabbers keeps me from being myself. The fear of history repeating itself keeps me from doing the things that I want the most. I don't know that I can go for the things that I want the most because I may lose what I have already in the process. I do want there to be more to life than this dull repetition.
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Oh, how I agree. I'd love to have a real house, with a garden, someday. But it's always "someday," never now. I'd love to feel like I'm living my life with more purpose than just to wake up and go to work every day, and repeat that week after week. And the fear of losing a friendship as you try for something more with someone you're interested in? Right there with ya.
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes all we can do is get through the current time and try to remember hope. And funny enough, it usually comes along. I'm such a doubting Thomas(ina) that I didn't believe it until hope actually hit me on the head, though.