Mindy

Last night was awful, today was worse.
I got my cat Mindy back from the shelter last week. She didn't look very good, but I figured getting home and cheering up and getting her brand of food back would help. But she wasn't improving. She was coughing a lot so I gave her hairball medicine. And then last night she was completely lethargic and acting strange. And then she started choking really bad. Fearing that she would vomit on the carpet I picked her and put her in the garage. (She's normally not even in the house. But she was acting so odd, I let her sit next to me for a while.) When I placed her down I realized something was horribly wrong. What I took to be an internal organ was suddenly hanging out of her. I freaked and rushed her to the 24 hour vet.
The good news was it wasn't an internal organ. It was a dead kitten. And she has feline leukemia and feline HIV and some sort of respiratory infection (picked up at the shelter). She was barely breathing and in terrible shape. And then the worst news came- there are more dead kittens inside of her. A c-section would be the way to save her. And an IV, drugs and x-rays. For a grand total of $3,000. Not to mention the walk-in appointment was costing me $75.
Needless to say, I can't afford $3,000. I started sobbing. And then Mindy did the most heartbreaking thing ever.
She's never liked to be held much. Most likely because there were dead kittens inside of her. But last night she was sitting on the exam table, barely breathing and in massive pain. And then she looked at me and used all of her strength to slide and inch over to me. And I realized she wanted me to hold her. So I wrapped her up in a towel and sat there sobbing and holding my cat.
I also managed to find the one and only vet who won't euthanize an animal that could be saved with proper treatment. So my options were take her home or hospitalize her.
I took her home, knowing she'd probably die overnight. But she didn't.
She lived all day. When I got home I found more dead kittens. It was awful and horrible. And Mindy looked even worse. Barely able to lift her own head. Not knowing what else to do I called Animal Control. They came a few minutes ago to take her away and put her down.
I feel awful. I know it isn't all my fault, but that isn't really helping right now. And I'm completely avoiding the situation with the bathroom I had her sequestered in. I just feel like the worst mommy ever right now. First I lose them and now Mindy is so sick she's dying.
I have not just emotional feelings about my pets, but political ones as well. It's a moral issue for me. We, humans, take these animals and domesticate them. We rule over them and force them to rely on us for everything. And then, when they need us the most, we are too cheap to pay for it. We'd rather kill them than provide for medical care. We wouldn't treat a human like that, but we don't think twice about treating pets this way. I hate that I'm now in the category of people that I despise.
And I miss my only true friend I had in Utah!