I'm bored and frustrated, as the title bar says. I get this way on Sundays frequently. I have NOTHING to do. No place to go, no one to visit, NOTHING to do. So by the end of Sunday I'm just bored out of my mind and wishing I could just go to sleep and make tomorrow come faster.
Except I have nothing to do all week either. Nothing to get excited for or look forward to. And that frustrates me even more. It's just another week where all I have to do is work. And quite frankly, I'm not supposed to be working as much as I do (I work billable hours, and I'm not supposed to work more than a client is worth). As pathetic as it may seem, I get so bored when I get home from work that I just start working again. And I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with why I burn out so easily.
It's the fact that there is no end in sight to the boredom. I'm stuck in a low finances- high boredom situation that won't be changing any time soon. And I'm not good at this. I'm used to being active and busy and involved in things. But since moving here- NOTHING. Seriously, I've lived here 11 months now, and things aren't getting any better in that department are they? I swear they are actually getting worse.
Don't give me the crap about trying harder and putting myself out there more. Because believe me, I've tried very hard. Maybe it's just time to accept I'm a square peg in a round hole, and I'm never going to feel comfortable here? And maybe it's time to accept that this is what life is like over 30 and single. You just get good at being alone, and always being the gooseberry.
Whatever it is, I hate it right now.
It's not just that location, and it very well might be life after 31 in this church. That's what life is like for me here, too. But I think the big thing is that I'm living far away from the network that I've created that takes the place of my non-existent family of creation. Or in other words, those friends who are so close to me *are* my family of creation (as opposed to family of origin). And I think that that's the big challenge in your 30s as a single Mormon--being able to have a network that you can really rely on. It gets harder and harder.
ReplyDeleteIt was so easy in my 20s, especially those long years in college (I was in college for 9 years) when I made friends so much more easily. Now it just seems that it's getting harder and harder to find people I have enough in common with. (I posted about it on norroway recently, but you have to log in to see it.) So either you have to find a way to create that again, or perhaps this isn't the place for you long term. That's kind of how I feel for myself, at least.
Awww! I'm sorry Erin! i hope things turn around for you soon... or you find something that alleviates your boredom and aloneness.
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