This time last year I was entering into what I hope was the most stressful period of my life (in other words, I hope life never again gets as rough as it was last year). I was not-so-kindly told to go find a new job, and anxiously job hunting, dealing with the sudden and unexpected onset of 30 kidney stones, finding myself facing holiday depression, and then just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I was given three weeks to find a place and move, when I could barely walk from the bedroom to the bathroom. And then there was the Lortab dependency, miserable and worst Utah winter in years, and a car accident to boot.
Yeah, last year kind of sucked. Big time.
As a result, I'm entering into the holiday season by walking on egg shells. I'm nervous about a repeat. Every time I feel the tiniest twinge or pain in my side or back I fear going through 30 more kidney stones without health insurance. I have a new job, which is giving me freedoms I have wanted all my life, but needless to say, after 4 jobs in one year, I'm a bit paranoid when it comes to job stability. Things by no means are perfect right now, but at least my new stresses are good "maturing" problems.
There are major decisions ahead of me. And unfortunately they are choices I have to make right now during the holidays when there's too many other things to be contemplating. But they are good decisions. Ones I want to make. It would help considerably if I knew how to answer them without stressing over them.
Some of the things on my plate-
1. Buy or rent?
2. My job allows me the freedom to live wherever I want. Where is that exactly?
3. Foster parenting. (Only works if I stay in Utah.)
4. Go home for Christmas to a place that isn't my home? Or spend the $600 for a ticket on something more useful?
There's more, but that's enough for now.
And then there's just those other thoughts that keep creeping into my head. Thoughts like...
1. Is there any point to dating after 30?
2. Are there any normal men after 30??
3. Does becoming a single foster mother pretty much kill off all dating?
4. Am I ever going to lose weight?
5. Are there too many pictures hanging in my apartment? (I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.)
I need a magic 8 ball.
To your thoughts
ReplyDelete1) There's never a point - no matter what age.
2) There's never any normal men.
3) pretty much, yes
4) YES
5) Um, you'll have to take a picture to show me.
I can totally empathize with the job paranoia thing. When do I stop feeling the other shoe is going to fall?
ReplyDeleteWill this help?
ReplyDeletehttp://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ssanty/cgi-bin/eightball.cgi
Job paranoia here too. Seriously. I can't shake it, all I can do is do my best.
ReplyDeleteCan't answer the first 4 for you but the second batch,
1) yeah, though I'm not sure what it is.
2) yes, but only a select few.
3) it would sure make it harder but not impossible. But hey, I say if you can't find fulfillment in a romantic/ married relationship - go for the fulfillment in a love/ child relationship!
4) of course! If you want to, and if you do it for yourself, no one else.
5) I'm with Teri Le - need a photo.
I'm dealing with the same location issue. I know for a fact that I don't want to end up in Utah more than temporarily. But my friends are here. I'd love to live close to my sister--and I could actually afford to buy a full-on house there for the cost of a condo here--but it would leave me in a desert friendship-wise, despite all the greenness that would surround me. I want to have a garden, and I do not want to live in NYC, but that might be where I need to accept that I need to live in order to work at a job I'm dang good at.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough. I don't have an answer, but I sympathize.
I agree that the poster above who said that there was no point in dating at any point in time.
ReplyDeleteNormal guys above the age of 30 probably not but then I dont believe that there are any normal women either. Particularly in the LDS community "most of us are married prior to the age of 30; those of us left are in some way "off". This in and of itself is not a bad thing but we all need to recognize it and plan accordingly.
It will definatly make your pool much much smaller. You will accordingly have to work much much harder.
sure
If you say so.
bitter guy
I found the best guy almost ever and we didn't get married until he was 34 and he'd never been married before. Or had kids. So, it's possible. And you're more likely to find someone awesome if you go ahead with what you want to do: fostering, living where you want, whatever. Think about it: Do you only want to land a guy who would only be interested in you if you're NOT a foster parent? What are you saying, that you'll take just about anyone as long as they're interested in you? (I know, not really "just about anyone".) You know you won't lose weight as easily if you're constantly scarfing down guac burgers. ;-) Hit the weights, not the cardio. And if this guy likes you, ASK HIM OUT. You have to have the bravery to "live your best life" as Oprah would say. I totally pursued my husband. I almost bought a ring and asked him to marry me. It shows confidence if you just ask him like it's no big deal. You are a catch. Make your own happiness.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I have been scarfing down poutine, angus burgers, and candy galore and NOT going to the gym and complaining to my husband about being fat. At least you work out.
ReplyDelete