This post has been pulled down for the time being. I worded it poorly and late at night, and I'm getting attacked on exactly the things I didn't say quite right.
That makes me sad. I used to work in a group home and the next step for the kids was foster-care. It was so hard to find people willing to take them in.
I don't think it's even slightly selfish to take in your relative's children. Quite to the contrary, it often means that you're returning to deal with the drama of a dysfunctional family that you've worked very, VERY hard to avoid. When my sister took in my niece when my stepbrother went to jail, it was far from selfish.
I've become very involved in the world of fostering of late, and it does make me sad that there aren't more people who can and do take in foster children.
However, I don't think that adoption can ever be considered selfish, even in the case of fostering-to-adopt.
I agree with Stacer and Sara. I do think more people should be taking care of the kids we have, as you said, in our own back yard, but at the same time, the decision to add another person to your family is a huge one. It's not to be taken lightly, and the married people who are fostering to adopt might have some personal reason for choosing to adopt a younger child through foster care.
You know I'm trying to talk my husband into this process, and he has one major sticking point if we do: that the child can't be an older boy who has experienced sexual abuse, because he's worried that this child may act out and molest our own daughters. And I can see his point. These older kids need help but they come with a lot of baggage, and the effect that child or sibling set will have on the family dynamic is a huge consideration. Maybe instead of questioning the motives of the married people, you can encourage your friends to take in fosters as you plan to. That would make more of a difference in the lives of these kids in such desperate need.
That makes me sad. I used to work in a group home and the next step for the kids was foster-care. It was so hard to find people willing to take them in.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's even slightly selfish to take in your relative's children. Quite to the contrary, it often means that you're returning to deal with the drama of a dysfunctional family that you've worked very, VERY hard to avoid. When my sister took in my niece when my stepbrother went to jail, it was far from selfish.
ReplyDeleteI've become very involved in the world of fostering of late, and it does make me sad that there aren't more people who can and do take in foster children.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I don't think that adoption can ever be considered selfish, even in the case of fostering-to-adopt.
I agree with Stacer and Sara. I do think more people should be taking care of the kids we have, as you said, in our own back yard, but at the same time, the decision to add another person to your family is a huge one. It's not to be taken lightly, and the married people who are fostering to adopt might have some personal reason for choosing to adopt a younger child through foster care.
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm trying to talk my husband into this process, and he has one major sticking point if we do: that the child can't be an older boy who has experienced sexual abuse, because he's worried that this child may act out and molest our own daughters. And I can see his point. These older kids need help but they come with a lot of baggage, and the effect that child or sibling set will have on the family dynamic is a huge consideration. Maybe instead of questioning the motives of the married people, you can encourage your friends to take in fosters as you plan to. That would make more of a difference in the lives of these kids in such desperate need.
I read the post before you took it down. And I say, good for your Erin for doing something so hard. Good luck in your ventures. You'll do great.
ReplyDeleteSorry if you thought I was attacking your opinion. I was just trying to provide a little different perspective.
ReplyDelete