These 2 little girls gave me a heart attack today.

Roughly 5-7 years old. Walking along busy road at rush hour, and cutting across major intersection. Cars were flying every which way to avoid them. I was on phone with police for 45 minutes while they tried to get a cop to me, while I cautiously stalked them. They walked nearly a mile before going to their home. Took years off my life. And they never knew how close they came to danger. (Cops arrived and let me leave. I don't have an end to the story.)

via Instagram

Kids Say the Darndest Things

This also happened while hanging out with the little people today.

I had the fun of hanging out with two of my favorite little cousin people for a few hours today. The following conversation ensued.

Little Person Aged 4: Erin, why is your hair yellow and black?
Me: Um... what do you mean?
Her: It's yellow on the bottom and black on the top. How come?
Me (realizing I didn't wash my hair, and I'm overdue to touch up my roots): Well, my hair grows out of my head black, and then I put yellow dye on it.
Her: Hmm... You missed some spots.

"Fake" rites of passage

One of my favorite Anne Taintor magnets

I'm "fake mommying" this week. You may call it babysitting, tending, caring, nannying, etc. I call it fake mommying. It's just me and four kids while their parents are out of town.
I've watched these kids before. They are great kids. Incredibly obedient and know the rules. It really isn't a tough gig at all. And it helps that I genuinely like them too. We have fun together- well, sort of.
This week has been a little tough on all of us. When I arrived one kid was getting over the flu, and another one had it. We think the baby had an easy case of the flu the week earlier. Their dad had the bug as they were leaving town. We had high hopes that the remaining kid and I would be okay. The house was aired out, disinfected, and kids quarantined.
No good.
I managed to get the flu about 48 hours into my stay here. (Major parenting rite of passage for me there- watching a toddler while miserably sick!) And tonight we are on flu-watch with the remaining kiddo (he's 11). He didn't eat dinner because his stomach felt funny. And he voluntarily went to bed 30 minutes early. If the symptoms the rest of us got mean anything, he'll be miserable in about 4 more hours. (Which begs the question, why am I not trying to get some sleep while I know I still can??)
Right before bedtime we discussed what we would need to do if he starts to get sick. Trying to remind him that he would need to come wake me up, I asked "what else will we do?" He very solemnly asked me if we could please call his grandma and have her come take care of him. "She's raised kids already. She knows how to do this sort of thing." 
I guess the "fake" part of my "fake mommying" is showing!
We have also had a little adventure in sleepwalking. But not mine! Nope! I wasn't the one doing it this time. Instead it was the 6 yr old. It started with a very bizarre conversation with her about pushing buttons around midnight when I went in to check on her. Later I woke up around 2 am and just "knew" something was wrong. I turned over to find her inches from my face talking about being lost. I put her back in bed just to wake up 30 minutes later to find her mumbling in the living room. I could not get any sleep after that because I was too terrified she would do something dangerous in her sleep! (She has no recollection of any of it.)
And if that wasn't enough parenting rites of passage this week, we still have the high schooler going to homecoming! We (she and I) are looking forward to getting her all ready for her big date this weekend.
I am really hoping for no "rites of passage" with the two year old. Let's hope he's had this flu (we're not positive that he has), and there are no major dramas with him. Which reminds me, if you aren't following The Honest Toddler on Twitter, or his blog, you are missing out on some truly funny stuff. (My favorite tweet, "Mommy's pinterest abomination came out of the oven smelling like lies.")
Wish us luck!

(Another Anne Taintor classic-

Someone's Real World

Views like this are why I LOVE (and miss) the beach

The beach was awesome. Now- back to the real world- other people's real world that is. Not mine. I'm taking a few more days off from my normal to hang out and "nanny" some awesome kids. Spending time in a real "mommy" environment is always an adventure for me.
I'm having a great time. The kids are 15, 11, 6, and 2, so I'm getting teenager down to toddler experience here. The kids really are very well-behaved.
But hoooooleeeeee cow! Am I ever exhausted. I'm getting kids up at 6:30 a.m. and on the bus hours before my usual schedule even has me awake.
This afternoon the teenager doesn't have school (final exam week, and she's got a freebie day), so she's hanging around the house. I just got the toddler down for his nap. I had fun chatting and spending time with the teen (one of my church youth girls), but I admit, I think I am boring her. She has no idea that just being awake right now is my gift to her. Energy and enthusiasm beyond that is asking for a bit much. Now I see why new mommies are always told to nap when the baby does. Dr Pepper just ain't cutting it for me this week.
I'm definitely getting an education on what to expect if I were to foster parent a toddler or small child. (Something I hope will happen within the year.) And realizing my limitations as a potential single parent.
I'll be back to my real life world in a few more days. And then, I have some very exciting (for me) new developments coming up. I can't wait to launch them!

Funny Kid Quote of the Day

Today rocked. Did I mention that yet? Because seriously people, I wish I could tell you more, but it was just plain awesome for a million different reasons.
One of those reasons? The following conversation.
I had driven up to see my cousin Karlee and her 3 kids for the evening (and to celebrate the awesomeness of the day).
This little dude is Keith-

As can be the case in our family, understanding the differences between cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends, can be very confusing. (Our generations overlap considerably.) Keithy asked several times who I was. We finally agreed I am not his uncle, because those are boys, and that maybe I am Queen Zerin of all the Land.
He asked me where I live. I said, "In your grandma's basement." (Which is partially true. I move there this weekend, and that is where he has most recently seen me.)

Did I mention I was wearing this shirt?

It was my favorite H&M shirt. Kind of fun, lightweight, with big bold stripes. I thought it was cute. Now I want to burn it.

During dinner I went outside for a sec to grab something. When I came back in, Keith asked his mother, "Mom, where did Grandma's prisoner go?!"

(Later that night Keith asked, "Mom, is Erin Ann REALLY the Queen of all the Land?" Being a wise woman, she answered, "Yes, she's Queen Zerin.")

(Maybe back in college when my aunt was naming her baby, Karlee and I sent her a list of names that were a combination of our own names for her to consider. Queen ZerinannKarma was our favorite. Let's just say Remington dodged a bullet on that one.)

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day:
How many people can say going to live in a hut in Africa is the more logical choice?

Favorite Conversation with Lexi:
(I was wearing my completely foxy and awesome "4 Little Ponies of the Apocalypse" t-shirt. As you can see in the image above of the shirt, one of the ponies is wearing an eyepatch.)
Lexi (age 5): Erin Ann, are you wearing a pirate ponies shirt?
Me: No, I'm wearing the little ponies of the apocalypse.
Lexi gives me a classic "WTF" look.
Lexi: No. I think you are wearing pirate ponies. That just makes more sense.

More amusing conversations with children

I recently took Cousin #32 (Miss L) out on a playdate (she's 5). From the moment we got in the car she had a lot to say, not unlike a windup doll that talks a lot. Here are a few gems from that conversation.

Me: Your [big sister] is going to have a baby soon! Are you excited to be an aunt?
Miss L: I am NOT an aunt! Aunts are OLD!
(sidenote- her sister is 20 years older than her. Her youngest aunt is 42 years older than her.)
Me: Oh, so the baby won't call you Aunt L?
Miss L rolls her eyes and in her best DUH voice: No! It's just a tiny baby, it can't talk yet!
the conversation continues on regarding a cupcake we were eating
Me: So what will your sister name the baby?
Miss L: I don't know! I have lots of ideas, but she thinks they are all DUMB!
(i can assure you her sister did not say that to her)
Me: Like what?
Miss L: Well, I think House, or Cat would be nice. But she doesn't like those!
I maintain a straight face.
Miss L: My other sister (age 11) likes the name Katie, but Big Sister thinks that is too much like my friend Kaylee.
Me: You mean your cousin Kaylee?
Miss L: Right, my friend cousin's name is Kaylee. And I have a cousin named Peter. And a (uses hand motions to indicate very tiny, and switches to a munchkin voice) a little tiny cousin name Kendon!
Miss L is about 10 pounds and 3 inches taller than Kendon. They are both little tiny people.

The "little tiny cousin named Kendon" questions Miss L's authority.

We drove past a bright yellow sports car. Historical background: her sister drives a small, tan, compact car.
Miss L: That looks like [big sister's] car. She probably shops there sometimes. That's where we turn to go to my pre-school.
Me: What's the name of your pre-school?
Miss L: Hmm... I don't know. I forget sometimes. I have a brother named Sterling he goes to college because he knows lots of things. I know a lot of things. Like (breaks into full song voice) "God rest ye merry, gentle mint, Let nothing you DISMAY! Remember, Christ, our Saviour,Was born on Christmas DAY! To save us all from Satan's power, bah bah bah bah bah bah, Good tidings of comfort and joy, BAH BAH BAH BAH, Good tidings of comfort and JOY!" Sometimes I just sing bah bah bah bah when I don't know the words and nobody notices. 

Best conversation of the day

3 yr old Boy #1 (to me): My cup is red. 

Me: What color are your pants?

Little Boy #1: Blue.

Me: What color is your hair?

Little Boy #1 (He looks up intently, trying to see his hair.): I don't know, I can't see it!

3 yr old Little Boy #2 (points helpfully at #1's head): It's right there!

Funniest.Kid.Conversation.Ever.

Today was another great day out with my "Little" from the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. We had a great time together as always. On our way home we were singing along to a CD. And as she likes to do, she kept hitting repeat and playing her favorite song over and over. When she does this we joke around that there is a ghost in the car that is controlling the CD player.
Also, you'll need to know that today she was wearing a little toy tiara or crown that she made a few months ago.

Me (right after "the ghost" had hit repeat again): Hmm... funny how the ghost is only in the car when you are...

Little: Yep, funny how that happens. Maybe the ghost lives in the test!cles of my crown?

Me (busting up laughing): WHAT?!?!?!

Little: I think the ghost must live in the little white test!cles on my crown.

Me: Honey, I think you mean tentacles, not test!cles.
(while seriously wondering about crowns have tentacles, as well as test!cles)

Little: What's the difference?

Me (thinking giving this answer would possibly get me out of giving the answer): Tentacles are like the long arms of an octopus or squid.

Little: Oh. (pause) So then what are test!cles?

Me (feeling very certain this is so not my job to answer): Um, well, they are a part of a boy's pen!s.

Little: WHAT?? THEIR WHAT??? They have tentacles on their WHAT?

Me: Yeah, I think you mean tentacles. But that's still not right, let's say spokes or spires instead.

Little: Ok.

long silent pause

Little: Are you sure it isn't test!cles?

Me: Trust me, I'm sure.

Little: Ok.

Favorite Kid Quotes of the Week

Andi (now age 6!)


Juli (Andi's mom): We're going to see Erin Ann in a few minutes, so you will have to say goodbye to your friend.

Andi (to her friend): We're going to see my fairy godmother, so you have to go home soon.

Friend: You have a FAIRY godmother?

Andi: Not a REAL fairy. But she's a godmother, and a nice one, and she has a cat.

Friend: Okay.




Porter (now age 4!)
Aunt Erin (to his mother one the phone): Can I talk to Porter? I want to tell him happy birthday.
Natalie: We can try. (pause) Porter! Come talk to Aunt Erin on the phone. She wants to tell you happy birthday!
Porter: No! Not again! Don't make me do it!
****

Porter (practicing his alphabet): L is for elephant...

More Amusing Conversations With My Favorite Kids

On the phone tonight:
erinannie: Are you coming to my birthday party next week?
6 yr old Andi: Will Bosephus be there?
erinannie: I guess you can see the cat if you come.
Andi: Ok, if I can sit by him.


 ***

Little (age 11): Did I tell you I can't sing the song I wrote for the Rock Star Competition? (a fun after school activity she really really wants to participate in)
erinannie: No! How come?
Little: Because Mean Girl* says we're not allowed to sing any songs with questionable lyrics.
erinannie (stunned and shocked): WHAT? Your song doesn't have any questionable lyrics!
Little: The judges won't know it. They've never heard it before.
erinannie: Right, which is why you should sing it. You'll get extra points for doing your own song!
Little: But, Erin, Mean Girl said no questionable lyrics.
erinannie: There are no questionable lyrics in that song!
Little: But they don't know it!
erinannie (long pause): Wait, what do you think "questionable lyrics" means?
Little: A song they don't know.
erinannie (laughing in spite of herself): NO! That's not what it means! "Questionable lyrics" means words that are objectionable or offensive. Like cuss words, or words that kids should not use or hear. Your song is perfectly clean and good. It's okay!
Little (relieved): Oh. (pause) So Mean Girl was wrong?
erinannie:Yes.
Little: I can't wait to tell her!!

*We don't like Mean Girl. She's a bit of a bully.

More Fun With Family Conversations

*erinannie*: So, K-tux, what's new in Cow-town?

K-tux: Oh you know, this, that, and the usual.

From the backseat, KJr (an 8 yr old girl with the sassiest Southern accent you've ever heard):  There was a man dressed all in black, laying in the road, hoping for a car to hit him, and people were standing by the road watching him. My friend and I wanted to ride our scooters down to go watch too. I asked my dad, and he said, "KJr, what's interesting about watching a man dressed in black laying in a road?" And I said, "Dad, what's NOT interesting about watching a man dressed in black laying in a road?" And he said, "Well, I can't argue with that logic."

*erinannie* (trying not to run off the road while laughing hard): So did you go watch him?

KJr: No, it didn't sound all that interesting after all.

Fostering

For the past few weeks I have been putting a lot of thought into some of my longer term life goals. My goals are varied from buying a home, to climbing Kilimanjaro, publishing another book, dancing at an Inaugural ball, participating in movie production, and becoming a foster parent.
I've noticed that my life goals tend to resemble some people's "Bucket Lists." I guess I tend to think in really huge goals sometimes.
Many of these goals have time stamps on them. I plan to do them by a certain age. And everything I listed above I have been telling myself in my head I would do by the time I am 35. And my 34th birthday is rapidly approaching. But 2 of my goals are going to be within my reach this year- buying a home, and becoming a foster parent. (If I'm honest with myself I could also climb Kilimanjaro and write a book and dance at an Inaugural Ball. But that requires more discipline than I really have, and I had meant to dance at a ball for a president I like, or at least voted for.)

As I have looked into the requirements for fostering, I am becoming more aware of different states and their laws, and what is required. Utah does not make it easy for singles to foster. In fact, they almost treat it like a punishment. Singles can only take in children with disabilities or major psychological problems. (There are some exceptions to the rule, but not many.) Now, I wasn't naive enough to think that I could become a foster parent and get the perfect child from fostering, but I also had never considered the gravity of these other options either.

Now its true, I have NO ties to Utah really. I could up and move to a state with slightly more convenient laws and regulations. (For instance, a state that allows singles to adopt, which Utah does not. Even though I'm still not sure I intend to adopt. I at least want the option there for me.) But that would mean uprooting my life, and starting all over again, and delaying the process that much further. So I'm not sure that's really the best option for me.

But I have never before really given much thought to the idea of taking in a child with disabilities. The truth is, while I have been exposed to a few families with disabilities within them, I have never really had a lot of experience there. This is a very new idea for me.

When I am faced with a big decision my mental process is to imagine it all the way through, and picture myself doing it. I play out the options in my head from different angles, and can get really lost in my imagination in the process. I'm sure I've confused more than one person by asking questions about potential options as if I were at that point already. But that is just how my brain works. I have to live it out in my head before I can decide what to do. But in this scenario, I don't know what my variables are, or what it would be like. So this isn't so easy for me to think about when I don't know scenarios to play out in my head.

I have always pictured myself as having my own "Brangelina" rainbow family. (Quite frankly, I was planning it long before Brangelina made it cool. Possibly since about the sixth grade when my brother was adopted, and I was disappointed he was white. Up till that point I thought all adopted babies were different colors.) But now as I approach my 34th birthday, I'm starting to realize that I'll most likely never marry, and unless my family and church make some major opinion changes, I'll probably never adopt either. (I could never adopt without the support of my family.) I've always intended to foster parent though. And I'd like to get on with the fostering.

I'd welcome input from anyone who has raised or lived with a family member with a disability. Or has had experience with the foster care system. I'm not very familiar and would appreciate first hand accounts.

And in case you need me to support myself as a candidate- I think I am the ideal foster parent. I work from home, and therefore am always home. I have the flexibility in my schedule to work around school, sports, etc. I can provide personal attention to a child who may never have had it before. I enjoy working with children. I have plenty of disposable income. And, I've just always wanted to do it.

Your input is welcome.

Thanks.

Best Quote From an 8 Year Old Today

Little Girl#1: I had to be rescued by the lifeguard once. But it was a girl lifeguard, so it was okay.
Me: Is it better to have a girl lifeguard?
Littler Girl #2: Yeah, cause in case they have to do that tongue thing to make you breathe again, its better to have a girl lifeguard if you are a girl.
Pause, pause.
Me: Did you see the movie the "Sandlot?"
Both Girls: Yes
Little Girl #2: The tongue thing is really gross, so it is better to have a girl lifeguard and not a boy lifeguard, cause he might try to do that, like in that movie.
Me (trying for all I was worth to not laugh so hard I wreck the car): Girls, it's actually called "CPR" and it doesn't involve any tongue at all.

Everything is Beautiful- Tyson's Song

I don't usually share very emotional or deep videos. I tend to shy away from anything that requires me "feeling" more than necessary. But if you have been following my blog for more than 2 years, you know I have had a soft spot in my heart for children suffering from cancer.
Recently, I became aware of Tyson and his story, through Due West and the Nashville Tribute to Joseph. This song was written by the guys involved with DW and NT for Tyson, as a tribute from Tyson to his mother. It's beautiful and moving. I hope you will take the time to watch it, and maybe even help pass along the song, story and video. Thanks!

Star Wars According to a 3 Yr Old