Sharing the Gospel

Sharing the gospel is a topic close to my heart and often on my mind these days. My parents left for their 18 months mission to Apia Samoa this weekend. My cousin Remi comes home from his mission to Texas later this week. So naturally, I'm thinking about missionary work.
I've never been very good at opening up and sharing my thoughts on the gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the most personal thing in my life, and I find I have to trust someone before I will share my feelings on something so intimate. And yet, as followers of Christ we have been taught to "Feed my sheep" (John 21:17).
Each Sunday for the past few months I have had the opportunity to share my testimony with the young women at church. The more I share my testimony of the gospel, the more comfortable and open I get with sharing it. Still, I have a long way to go.
I wrote "Sharing the Gospel Through Social Media" for both people who are comfortable sharing and those who are more passive about sharing. While some people may have the desire to type out their testimony and share it for the world to see, others may be more comfortable sharing a nice thought or quote. I admit, I'm more the quote or thought kind of girl, although I wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was more forward than I am.
In less than two weeks, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will hold its semi-annual General Conference. It is a big event for us with speakers from the Church leadership around the world. (Not to mention good food and music as well.) Many people will share quotes and thoughts from the conference. Some will do it well, some will does it less well.
As we lead into conference I aim to share a quote or thought from past conferences each day, to help me warm up or prepare for conference. I hope you will enjoy them!
Consider this my own efforts at practicing what I preach (after all, I did suggest something like this in my book), and my own way of more openly sharing something very personal and special to me.

Talk on Prayer and Gratitude

This is the talk (sermon) I gave today in the Potomac Midsingles Ward. 

The Prophet Joseph Smith once said that one of the greatest sins of which the Latter-day Saints would be guilty is the sin of ingratitude.” I presume most of us have not thought of that as a great sin.

While a member of the Presiding Bishopric, then Bishop Henry Eyring said, “Gratitude is a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for blessings or benefits we have received. As we cultivate a grateful attitude, we are more likely to be happy and spiritually strong. We should regularly express our gratitude to God for the blessings He gives us and to others for the kind acts they do for us.

“To find gratitude and generosity when you could reasonably find hurt and resentment will surprise you. It will be so surprising because you will see so much of the opposite: people who have much more than others yet who react with anger when one advantage is lost or with resentment when an added gift is denied.

“Whatever we get soon seems our natural right, not a gift. And we forget the giver. Then our gaze shifts from what we have been given to what we don’t have yet.”

In the book, “All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience” by Elder Neal A Maxwell, he states-

There is little doubt… that a goodly portion of our pride proceeds from some assumptions we make about ourselves and our lives- assumptions that are at first soothing but very wrong. We think, for instance, that we “own” ourselves. It is perfectly true that our individual identity is guaranteed, that we are agents for ourselves, and so forth- but this truth, when it is torn away from other realities, gives us a very lopsided view of things. Without the ransoming atonement of the Savior, we would be stranded souls, doomed to die with no hope of the resurrection of or individual immortality. We were literally purchased by Jesus. Quite true, we do not yet have to acknowledge that reality, though someday we will. Nor are we now even forced to follow the conditions that the Purchaser laid down. So in a sense, we are quite free to do as we please, just as if we were our own. But it is a terrible illusion, an illusion that will be shattered by His second coming and the judgment. Meanwhile, the illusion is kept alive because some want to believe it. CLOSE QUOTE

We have a natural resistance to feeling owned. To not want to give the Lord credit for our personal accomplishments. We want to believe that we are responsible for all that we have. We want the credit for our talents, time, and possessions.

“This illusion underwrites the false assumptions that we make about our time, our talents, and our possessions that each of us sees as “mine.” We may even feel noble when we give of our time and means, and we are apt to be somewhat grumpy if anyone, especially a prophet, reminds us that all that we have belongs to God anyway.”

And are we thankful? Do we properly express our gratitude for all that the Lord has given us?

We must give credit to the Lord through our obedience, and by thanking Him through prayer. The Lord does not ask us for monuments or gifts. He only asks us to pray and obey.

When you pray, do you picture a heavenly, mysterious being in a far off place? Or do you picture the person who has given you all that you have, sitting in the room beside, always with you, as He has promised to do? Do you picture the Father who’s name just a few minutes ago you covenanted to take upon you?

When I picture a loving Father, in the room beside me, who knows me better than I know myself, and I truly believe loves me, and wants me to be happy, I find it much easier to pray and share the true contents of my heart. And when I think of this loving Father in the room with me, there with His arms around me as I pray, as the person who has given me all that I have, it isn’t hard at all to thank Him and show my gratitude.

The greatest single piece of advice I was ever given came many years ago from a friend as I went through a difficult struggle. She challenged me to not kneel down and pray for help and guidance and for the long list of things I needed in my life. Instead, she challenged me to offer only a prayer of gratitude. I told her I didn’t have anything to be thankful for, things were too difficult. She said then to start with the simplest basics- to thank the Lord that I was alive, that I had shoes on my feet, clothes to wear, and that there was food in the cupboard. Her theory was that the more we focused on what we had to be grateful for, the smaller our problems would seem to be.

I have put her advice to the test many times in my life. During my darkest days after three years of unemployment, and discovering what ‘rock bottom’ really looks like, I would stop my prayers and pleas for help. And instead, I’d kneel down and pray a list of things I had to be grateful for. There were days the list was too short, but I could always find something.

President Monson said, “Our most significant opportunities will be found in times of greatest difficulty.”

Prayer and gratitude an intrinsically linked. You cannot truly express your gratitude without prayer.

In Mosiah chapter 4 we learn about prayer and repentance. In verses 11 and 12 it says that if we pray with a pure heart, “ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.”

When we pray, we are accompanied and filled with the Holy Ghost, who brings back memories of what God has taught and given us. One of the ways God teaches us is with his blessings. And so in a way, expressing our gratitude for our blessings, brings about more blessings.

President Monson expanded upon what the Prophet Joseph said. “If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.”

Elder Richard G. Scott said, “We live in a unique time in the world’s history. We are blessed with so very much. And yet it is sometimes difficult to view the problems and permissiveness around us and not become discouraged. I have found that, rather than dwelling on the negative, if we will take a step back and consider the blessings in our lives, including seemingly small, sometimes overlooked blessings, we can find greater happiness.”

I bear my testimony that I know these things are true. That obedience to the Lord's commandments, and showing our gratitude to Him will only lead to greater happiness. 

I have seen rock bottom. I know what it looks like, and I know how painful it can be. But I also know that in those darkest days, where nothing seems fair, or like it will ever end, that we can find happiness by focusing on those small and simple things that we can be grateful for. 

I know that sometimes dark days don't end. That there is no rainbow with a pot of gold at the end to congratulate you for making it through. The truth is that sometimes they don't end. Sometimes the challenges go on forever. But we can find happiness in those times by being grateful for what we do have. And one day you won't feel so dark. You find light and happiness amidst the troubles around you. I've been there. My dark days only ended a year ago. It's still very raw and painful in my mind. But I know that I only found my way out by focusing on what I did have to be grateful for. 

I know my Father in Heaven loves me. I know He wants us to be happy. I know that we do not go through dark days as a punishment. They are things that just have to happen. But we can find joy and we can go on if pray and show our gratitude. 

A very, merry un-birthday to me, to you, to me to you!!!!!!!

About two weeks ago a lady at church I hardly know gave me a big hug and wished me a happy birthday. 

It's not my birthday. In fact, my birthday isn't until January. Strange. 

I figured she had me confused with someone else, and not wanting to embarrass her, I smiled graciously and didn't say anything. No harm, no foul. 

A few days later someone else wished me a happy birthday.
Odd. 

At church the next Sunday I had several people wish me a happy birthday. And one lady even gave me a chocolate bar! I finally decided to speak up because it was getting to be a little odd. 

As it turns out my name was included in the monthly roster of birthdays, with the completely wrong birthday next to it. (In an even stranger coincidence they got the month wrong, but the day right. And it just happened to be my sister's actual birthday!) 

The nice lady (who gives everyone a candy bar on their birthday) insisted I keep the Cadbury dark chocolate bar. (Oh, okay, if I must!)

This has continued all month. I've had several emails and lots of hugs wishing me a happy birthday. (Who knew that many people read the birthday list on the newsletter?!) And even though it isn't my birthday, it has been really fun to be thought of. Maybe even more so than if it really was my birthday when wishes and thoughts are expected. 

It has me thinking about how meaningful little thoughts, gestures, and just remembering to say hello to someone can be. I'm going to add it to my list of things to do more often (a la "Perfect Week"). It is nice to be remembered, even if you are remembered on the wrong day!
Go remember someone today!!

Rainy Days and Mondays (Don't) Always Get Me Down

Oh how I miss Cambodia today. What I wouldn't give for a real fruit drink and some fish amok. I woke up with a crazy craving for mango and pineapple and I won't be happy until I find some. Ooh and papaya sounds good too. I've just spent 20 minutes changing all of my profile pictures to Cambodia pics on different websites. I miss it!

But let's talk about yesterday. By all counts, I had a bad day. Things went from small mistakes to big dumb problems. And I felt bad about it, I really did. I've always been very good about kicking myself while I'm down. I've never needed extra punishing because I've got that covered all by myself. So trust me when I say I felt really bad about my stupid mistake that got me in trouble. Thankfully no one else felt the need to kick me while I was down. For that I am grateful. It was all handled very nicely. But still, I felt awful. Today I still haven't felt the courage to get up and try again. I'm still feeling pretty stupid about my dumb mistake.

But there's the thing. In spite of how bad I felt and the situation, I could only feel so bad. I really had woken up yesterday thinking about the fact that everything has been so good for me lately. I've really managed to accomplish a lot professionally in the past few months, and it feels GREAT to be earning money again. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, nothing feels better than the ability to finally be able to support myself again. But then the poopy thing happened. It was a professional mistake, and on top of just feeling dumb about the mistake, I felt awful that I finally get some work and get happy and then I messed things up. Not so great, right?

But there was this other part of me that had to laugh and smile about the situation. After two years of unemployment and bad days, wondering if I would ever have a good day again, and now having had a few months of great days, one bad day isn't such a big deal. I am a little grateful for my bad day. It made me feel normal again. And it reminded me to be serious and more detail oriented. (After two years of not working, it can be really hard sometimes to focus and really "think" like I know I should. You'd be amazed how that skill needs to be kept up!)

I can't be too upset about my bad day. I'm just too darn grateful and happy about it. Don't get me wrong, my guilt and inferiority complex is still kicking me good. I worry each time I get an email, or the phone rings, that someone is about to call and yell at me about the mistake. (But so far, no one has. Like I said, it was handled very professionally. And it is possible my mistake meant nothing to everyone else. It was small, it got fixed. I'm beating myself up more than anyone else.)

I know a lot of my gratitude comes from the things I witnessed in Cambodia, and before that, Haiti. I know how much I have to be grateful for. It isn't hard to be happy when you are grateful. And I know that I've been blessed greatly with my new work, and the chances to travel to developing countries. Once you've seen true poverty, it isn't hard to see when you are having a good day.

My first real meltdown

I can't pretend that everything is okay today. In fact, most things are not okay. Most days I can count my blessings and be grateful for all that I do have, when I am so very close to having nothing. I've been unemployed for the better part of 2 years now. Things aren't getting any easier here.
You probably haven't noticed, but I've taken down all references to the Peace Corps off of my blog. I did this mostly out of anger the day I found out that the PC is delaying me again (for close to a year), and that they didn't like me saying on my blog that I am looking for a job (and not holding my breath for them- apparently now they can't trust me to pick them over a job), and just a few hours I got rejected for a job I interviewed for. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Several months ago I made a choice to stop putting myself through the emotional hell of job hunting. I had my unemployment coverage and I was attempting to make money through contract work. I was passively looking for the perfect job, but not actively job-hunting. Since then everything has changed. The PC has delayed me again, my unemployment benefits have run out, and the contract work has slowed considerably. In other words, I have no form on income. And I've been unemployed for 2 years- my savings are depleted.
I am actively job hunting again, but this is a very poor time of year for it. Most people don't leave their jobs right before Christmas, so there aren't many openings. But lots do it just after New Years! And most companies don't do a lot of hiring until after the holidays. I have turned in applications at no less than 12 different stores at the mall in hopes of part-time work. Not to mention, I do have over 40 resumes out there somewhere.
Out of those 52 job applications, I've heard back from 2 companies for interviews (rejected by both a few weeks ago), received the generic "we never reviewed your resume" response from 4 companies, and nothing from the rest. Yesterday, out of desperation, I went in to one of the stores I applied at and found a manager. I told him how I have worked for the same chain before, and I will work any shift he will give me. He was a little stunned at my forwardness, but said even though he has done all of his hiring already, maybe he could hire me too. So "maybe" I'll hear back from him. Or maybe not.
Today I made a stupid mistake that I have to pay for - literally. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal. But when there is no money coming any time soon, this hurts. It is a real problem. And I am kicking myself for it. After realizing this in the middle of a store, I ran to my car and just barely made it there before breaking down into tears. I haven't allowed myself to cry or get too upset over my situation over the last 2 years. But today I just let it out. My first real meltdown. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what else I can do. Is it me? Is it them? Is it everything? What is this and why am I stuck in it?
I cried and moved on. It is all I can do. Crying isn't going to solve my problems or fix my stupid mistake. But the problem is, I don't know what will solve everything. I've tried everything I know to do. I'm so grateful for my trip to Cambodia and all that I saw there. I know that even in my current situation, I still have more than most people there. I'm grateful for my parents who have helped me so much this past year. I live one step away from being homeless right now. If it weren't for my family giving me a free place to live, I don't know what would have happened to me.
I am grateful for what I have. But I need a little space to be angry about what I don't have too.