Working Girl

Recently, I've been picking up work as a background extra on various projects. In the past month or so I've worked on 3 different movies, 1 commercial, 2 corporate videos, 1 TV show, and 1 educational video. (And I have more work booked in the coming weeks on another movie.)

I have no ambitions to be an actress. Zero ambition. I'm just doing it because it's easy work to get (if you know what you're doing), and it often pays cash the day of. (Which is a huge perk when you are otherwise unemployed.) (Although the company that said it would pay me the most, hasn't paid me in 6 weeks and counting.)

Which is why the encounter this past week was so funny-
I got called in very last second to work on a corporate video/ad type project. I went in expecting to do the usual standing around in the background. Turns out it was more of a featured spot. No question about it, I will definitely be seen in this short film. The director asked me if I could try and cry on camera. So I made up this crazy story about my dog having cancer and dying, and told it to the other extra in the room. (There will be music and a voiceover in the spot, so while I'm seen talking, you won't hear what I say.)

The traditional filming technique is "wide wide, middle middle, tight tight." Which basically means you take at least one wide, distant shot (picture of the whole room or scene), 2 shots at a closer distance (5-10 feet away), 1 shot from each point of view (in front of the actors, and from behind the actors), and 2 tight shots (looking over the shoulder of character 1 at character 2, and vice versa). I had to do my crying bit through 1 wide shot, 1 middle, and 2 tights. And then the director pulled the camera off the track, and got it right in my face to really "catch the emotion."

The story was sad enough that it got me to cry. But more than that I got the assistant director to cry. And the best boy/gaffer/all around helper guy came up after my little speech and patted me on the back and told me he knew I how I felt because his dog had died that way. I started to laugh because everyone felt so sorry for me. I explained that I had made it all up and I was just acting. The director even gave me a hug!

After I explained it was all fake, the director asked me who my agent is. I told him I don't have an agent because I just do background work, and have no ambitions in this regard. He gave me the names of some agents he likes, and suggested I get signed with someone, because he'd like to work with me again.

This whole situation is hilarious to me. Some people have huge ambitions and work their whole lives to get an agent. I have zero ambitions and have agents coming to me now. And I have more than enough work. Some people work for years to get a commercial placement, and I literally had a featured role in a commercial fall into my lap.

My theory is that it has little to do with me. And a lot to do with the Utah market, and my flexibility and ability to show up. Trust me, before this shoot, I had no idea I could cry on camera. (I guess this makes me a Method actor?) Turns out, I cry pretty good. And I have serious respect for actors who do much bigger emotions with a camera right in their faces. It's not easy!

Now for the next funny part in all of this-
Did I mention the commercial is for a mental health agency? And I was playing the part of a patient talking to a therapist? And they show me walking into the therapist's office, filling out papers, meeting a therapist, and then after the fact, smiling all nice and happy because I'm cured.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am the face of mental health therapy now.
But it gets better than that. At the shoot I had to sign something saying I didn't work for the therapist, nor would I ever. It's actually 2 agencies merging together. The next day I had a job interview. When I went to prepare for the interview, I saw that it was for one of the 2 agencies. I had to cancel the interview and explain why. They said it was one of the more unique reasons they've ever heard for canceling. (I can only imagine!)

This definitely falls into the "life is funnier than fiction" category. You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried. 

dear diary

Dear Diary, 

Life continues to move at a crazy fast pace. In the last few days I have registered for college classes (prerequisites for my masters degree), picked up 2.5 freelance part-time jobs, which includes promoting another movie (which is a ton of fun to do, and a ton of work), gone on real job interviews,  applied for more jobs, worked as an extra on 2 different projects (1 movie, 1 commercial), written (and got it published) a letter to the editor, prepared for the trip to Greece, and recorded my audition pieces for a choir. 

Oh the things I am capable of when not saddled with a 9-5 job. Speaking of jobs, as crazy as it sounds, if I can keep working as an extra 5 or so times a month, plus do these 2 freelance part-time jobs, and then also work a 10 hr/wk part-time job in social work, I may be able to actually support myself, and not get a "real" job. It's not as bad as it sounds. And it would give me a lot of flexibility as I start taking classes again. 

Who would have ever imagined I'd finally bite the bullet and go back for my masters at age 42? I won't finish until I'm 45, which seems absolutely crazy. But I'm glad I'm doing it. It's relieving and exciting to finally pursue a dream I've always had. I will no longer just be a volunteer doing humanitarian work. But I will be able to eventually do humanitarian work full-time for a cause I greatly care about (fighting sex trafficking). 

I think this year I will also break my personal record for number of countries visited and trips abroad. Technically a few years ago I went to Russia, Romania, Serbia, and Mexico all in a 1 yr period. That was my previous record to beat. If all goes according to plan, I will have visited England, Germany, Holland, Greece, and Canada within this year. (Still working out a possible layover where I might get to add a 6th country to that list.)

The world just keeps spinning faster and faster on me. I've never been more grateful for my diverse set of skills that allows me to do so many things. I just never would have guessed that I'd be drawing on my marketing, creative/music, and medical skills all at the same time. 

Be gentle with me, Universe. Sooner or later I'm going to spin off my axis. 

Personal Life Reboot

I'm going through a personal life reboot right now. Yet again, through events completely out of my control, the world has been turned upside down on me. A month ago I was the church youth group leader (YW president), and then released completely unexpectedly. And then last week my job came to an abrupt (but welcome) end. (I had expected my job to last 2 more months.)
Not bad changes.
Just completely unexpected changes.
Suddenly, I have nothing to do. And I really do mean absolutely nothing.
I do have a book launch I'm slowly getting through. And I'm writing a book as much as my muse allows me. But really, no obligations, events, time sucks, etc. going on.
I've forgotten how to be this way.
But before I can figure out what comes next, I'm doing a very intentional personal life reboot. I'm reading books that have meant something to me and guided me professionally. I'm contacting mentors for advice. Organizing my material objects. Indulging in some creative activities. And really making sure I know what my priorities are, so that I can make a plan on how to achieve and focus on those priorities.

Some of the books that have helped me figure life out include the following

Who Moved My Cheese? 

This book, told as a story about mice in a maze, is about adjusting attitudes toward change in life, especially at work. Change occurs whether you are ready or not, but the book affirms that it can be positive. I come back to this book every time an outside force moves the cheese on me (again). 

A Sequence of Little Nudges

My friend Rebecca wrote this book (and I helped edit and format it). She is a training and organizations expert that really understands the process it takes to set a goal and work towards it. Most importantly she understands and values the importance of motivation to help you get going and stay moving. This isn't a feel-good story book. It's more factual and yet casual. A good one to come back to when I am contemplating new ideas and goals for the future. 

Outliers; The Story of Success

Some people may consider this a strange book for me to count in my list of personal life reboot books. But this was one of the most life-changing books I've ever read. Malcolm Gladwell (one of the greatest writers in modern times, if not the 21st century) explains the extraordinary success of some very high profile people- Bill Gates, the Beatles, etc. And he explains their personal backgrounds and experiences that led to their exceptional success. For me, to understand how and why some people have achieved such remarkable success, while others who are equally talented and smart have not, really hit home. It wasn't about being the smartest or most talented. And in some cases it wasn't about hard work either. In many (if not most) it was about timing- being in the right place at the right time. Bill Gates wouldn't be Bill Gates if he hadn't grown up in an affluent neighborhood in Seattle at precisely the time he did. The Beatles wouldn't be a phenomenon if they hadn't accepted one of the worst gigs ever in Hamburg. (leading to what is now known as the Hamburg principle.) 

And like some people have had extraordinary success all due to timing, some people have encountered more setbacks, through no fault of their own, due to timing. He doesn't address failure much at all. But the converse of what he did talk about is what made a huge difference to me when contemplating some of my own successes and failures. 

For instance, I had a major professional setback for several years. Why? For a long time I struggled with the "why" question. Why couldn't I get a job? Why did I get laid off? Why did some friends seem to have so much success, while I kept getting setback further and further? This book helped me find the answers to the why. 

And helped me start seeing my way to success.

Pretty busy for a girl without a job

It feels like my life is just one big party (and promotion) after the next these days!

This week my dear Mindy Gledhill will be back in town - with her tour bus! 

Next week- I'm stocking up on sleep. 

And then it's the midsingles conference! FINALLY!

We are just a few more people away until we sell out for this conference. It was always my goal to sell out, but I never expected us to sellout this far in advance, and with an increased max capacity (450). Everything is going great, but still, I'll be very happy when it's over. 

But literally the very next day after the conference, it's time to "Meet the Mormons." 

And I'm working with the distributors of the film to host a special showing of the film in the DC area.
I'll sleep when I'm dead. 

Back in the Saddle Again

Aunt Nadine and Uncle Paul with most of their nieces, great-nieces, and a few great-great nieces that were at the funeral. Not even close to half of all the girls in our family. Aunt Nadine is our remaining living great aunt (out of 9, I think). 

This may be the longest I have ever gone without blogging- 9 whole days. 

Granted, they have been 9 very long, emotional, and often overwhelming days. 

You'll forgive me, won't you? 

My grandmother's funeral was quite lovely. It was wonderful and enjoyable to spend so much close time with my immediate and extended families. All but 4 of my first cousins were able to be there. I think that's the most that have all been together at once in close to 20 years, maybe longer. 

I'm back home at my own place now. My immediate family has all dispersed back to their own homes. I honestly have no idea what comes next career or life-wise. Stay? Go? Get another office job? Write full-time? Move? Return to Roanoke? Renew my lease? Get a roommate? 

There are a dozen questions, none of which are easy to answer, and few to no answers so far. 

I'm taking things one day at a time. And when the smoke clears and things are less overwhelming (I anticipate this may happen by Monday morning, but then again, maybe not), I'll start to formulate a plan. 

I'm feeling very loved and blessed these days. As complicated and overwhelming as things should be, I've been very much at peace. I'm scared about my future, don't get me wrong. But confident and faithful that things will work out. I just have no idea what the end picture will look like when it does all get worked out. 

Bear with me as we go through another major life transformation - again.

Bittersweet

My Grandparents' Wedding Picture

My heart... oh my little heart.
I don't even know where to begin.

My world has been turned upside down, shaken, stirred, and dumped on the ground for me to piece back together.

And I don't even know where to begin.

On Tuesday morning I learned my grandmother only had days to live, maybe hours. 
I got to work, feeling sad and overwhelmed, where, without any warning, clues, or inklings, I lost my job.
My grandmother passed away on Wednesday morning.

Streak back wildly four years...
To the day cold, sunny day in December in Utah. I thought my life was going well, and I was completely blindsided when I was laid off.
And my grandfather died just days later.

My grandfather was horribly sick. Cancer had robbed him of his health. His passing was a bittersweet blessing.

My grandmother was 90 years old, frail, and barely a shadow of the vibrant she used to be, robbed of her wit and personality by a stroke three years ago.

I hated my job. Let's make no mistake about that. Going to work every morning was a very painful chore. But I did it. And I was incredibly grateful for the work and paycheck. I worked hard and I tried hard to always be able to keep that paycheck coming. And there were no warnings this might happen. Not once.

I love my family. We're big. We're opinionated. We're hard workers. We prize intellect. We value beauty. We adore each other.

The days before a funeral are the worst. The tears, the sadness at the passing, the loneliness of loss.

My parents and siblings will begin to fly into town today and tomorrow. We'll say goodbye to my grandmother and lay her to rest on Saturday. As soon as we are all together, the sadness quickly turns to joy. We were blessed to have "Grammy" in our lives for so long. But we are so happy that she has escaped this mortal coil that has held her back these last few years. And once we are all together again, we can celebrate her.

But first there are these quiet and lonely days.

Compounded by my fears about the future and memories of the three years that followed this scenario last time.

What happens now? What next?

I have no idea.

Where is my solace?

Several months ago I applied and interviewed for a job that led to some unusual experiences. Forgive me for keeping a few of the details aloof, but I feel it is best to do so.

I had applied on a whim. There was a chance I was qualified, and a chance that I was not. When they called me in for the interview I was surprised and excited. They told me they had conducted a nationwide search, mostly by word of mouth and networking. They also posted the job on their website, where just one day before the opening closed, I saw it and applied. I was one of very few people who applied blind like that. And I was the only local candidate brought in to interview.
The interview went really, really well. I was shocked how well it went. When I left I told a few of the close friends/family that knew about the interview that basically if I didn't get it, I knew the person who got it must really be better qualified than I was, because interviews just don't get better than that. And I could live with that.
Several people were fasting and praying for me to get that job. It seemed ideal for me. It really did.
A few weeks longer than anticipated I got the call. They explained that I did not get the job. They had decided to hire from within- something that had not anticipated doing. But they wanted me to know how much they liked me, yada yada.
I was devastated, but what can you do? I allowed myself a few days to shake it off, pick myself up, and move on. But like I said, I was very disappointed.
(It wasn't long after that experience that I applied (again on a whim and blindly) to the job I have now.)
Almost 2 months passed when I got a call out of the blue. The president of that organization called me personally. I was so stunned I could barely speak on the phone. He asked if I could come in to his office- the very next day. Having no idea what he could possibly want to talk to me about, I went in.
He related some very unexpected personal experiences to me. He's a religious man and the job was tangentially religious. I would be working with a lot of fellow Mormons had I gotten the job. He told me something that really stuck with me. "He doesn't pray about who the new marketing director will be." Those were his exact words. He prays about personal things, and he prays about important things. But rarely, if ever, in his life has he ever prayed about business matters, let alone employee hires.
He went on to explain that he did not pray about who to hire for the position. He said it was clear to him, and to everyone on the search committee, that I was the best fit. When they went to sit down and make it a formal agreement to offer me the job, I believe he said they went around the table and all agreed to it. But then one person paused, and another. And they asked for more time. He explained that then and there he had a very personal, spiritual witness to hire someone else. Interesting note on that- that other person was also on the search committee and had also voted to hire me. He was as surprised as anyone else when this happened. (I know this because I went on to meet with him later and talk about a few things.)
It wasn't fun or easy to hear that for some reason God passed me over. That people had a spiritual experience that led to not giving me a job. But it did make it somewhat easier to accept that this had happened. (It helped that during the course of this conversation I knew I had a job interview lined up for the very next week. And yes, that was the job I did get.)
It gave me some clarity and closure as to how and why I did not get this ideal job and seemingly perfect situation. It gave me peace in spite of my disappointment.
This week I've had a lot of other disappointments and confusion to sort out in my heart. Things that seemed so obvious, so easy, and even at times spiritually guided did not work out. Something I prayed at great length about many times, and had some very personal spiritual experiences with, came back to break my heart and hurt me in the end. Tonight I prayed and asked why did I have to be led into a situation that would only hurt me in the end? Why couldn't I be spared? I got nothing from it. There was little happiness along the way. I am not a better person for the trial. There was no growth or challenges overcome. So why did I have to do it? Why couldn't I be told no, not to pursue it, somewhere along the way?
I have no answers.
But I do have the memory of the job interview and the knowledge that sometimes spiritual guidance comes when and where you least expect it. You can do everything right, but sometimes, it just isn't going to work out, and it isn't your fault.
That all being said, my poor, repeatedly bruised and broken heart, looks forward to not being hurt or disappointed someday.

The Search for the Unicorn

Lately I’ve felt like my life is one big on-going unicorn hunt.

A relentless search for mythical creatures, hoping they exist. 

My never-ending job hunt feels like a unicorn hunt, and so does my social life.

On the job front, there is evidence all around me that the perfect job is out there. The job that I was made for, and wants me. In my mind that job is a social media marketing position with a large, dynamic, non-profit organization rooted in humanitarian causes, and comes with a salary that would allow me to eat more than ramen, and buy new shoes once a year. 

In my personal and dating life, it isn’t too different. I’m searching for a man about my own age, preferably 35-41. Someone in a very similar place in life- educated, professional, motivated, hard worker. Someone smart and involved in the community, with a well-rounded view of the world. He must be as devoted to Mormonism as I am, family oriented, kind, compassionate, and loving. And someone with an outgoing and adventurous side. And must get and share my pop culture geeky side. And if it isn’t asking too much, I’d like to like his outward appearance too.

Twice recently it felt like I had a unicorn in my hands- a perfect job, a perfect man. But both seemed to have slipped away like the mythical creatures they are. The heartbreak that follows seeing the unicorn and losing it hurts more than never knowing if they existed at all.

And so my search for the unicorn continues. Will I ever find one again? I don’t know. But I hope I do.

Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

It's cloud illusions I recall

Today was just one of those days.
The kind that comes after 3.5 years of unemployment, and the accruing disappointments and setbacks that often pass with nothing more than a shrug, just hit you and knock you out for a while.
All it was was another rejection letter. Yet another company turning me down without really giving me a chance. It was a job I was perfectly qualified for, and really, really fit my personal hopes and needs. I had really hoped something would materialize with this job. But all I got was the standard rejection letter instead.
It was the tipping point.
I've spent the day sad and depressed. There were a lot of tears shed.
It wasn't just about the job that didn't happen. It was everything. Just the accumulation of disappointments over the past few years.
And the lack of control I have over the situation.
This article in the Wall Street Journal describes my situation perfectly, "Some Unemployed Keep Losing Ground."  (I believe the article is behind a paywall. Sorry.)
This is the part that really hit home-
"... there are signs the job market is splitting into two. Close to 25% of the short-term unemployed—those out of work for six months or less—find jobs each month, a figure that has shown steady improvement since the recession, though it remains below its long-term average of 30%.
The nation's 4.4 million long-term unemployed haven't seen similar gains. Only about 10% of them find jobs each month, a number that has hardly budged in the past two years."

"...long-term job seekers are twice as likely to leave the labor market as to find jobs, and many experts worry that many of them will never return to work. That could create a class of permanently unemployed workers and leave lasting scars on the economy.
"Once people reach a point where they no longer consider themselves employable…it is very difficult to pull them back," said Joe Carbone, president of WorkPlace, a Connecticut workforce-development agency that has developed a program targeting the long-term unemployed. "We are losing thousands of people a day. This is like an epidemic.""
I'm starting to wonder, no, strike that, I've worried for a long time, that finding a job is nothing more than a numbers game. It's just playing the odds, a gamble really. It has little to do with actually being qualified for the job. (The job I got rejected from today I was slightly overqualified for.)
But the longer the game goes on, the more the odds work against you.
I've been looking at my friends and former colleagues who are or were long-term unemployed. How did they finally get jobs? Who can I learn from?
And I realized only one friend has found a job. And (she readily admits this) she only got a job after 2 years unemployed because a cousin created a job at his company for her.
I can't think of one other long-term unemployed friend who has found work. Or at least not work in his/her field. Several are like me and have resorted to accepting a life of underemployment in a store or mall, and not in the professional field they were educated in.
It's hard accepting the underemployment. You know it means taking two steps forward and one step back. It's a paycheck, and you need it, but it makes it that much harder to get a "real" job.
I wish companies were not so biased against the long-term unemployed. They are wrong to be so biased, assuming we've lost skills, or there is something wrong with us. We're the survivors. If anything what we have done is more impressive. The underemployed have proven we are hard workers that will get the job done. We'll do what we have to do. We're not going to sit around and waste company resources and collect a paycheck. We're going to work our butts off and make ourselves the most valuable asset the company has so that no matter what, we never see ourselves on the pink slip list again.
If a company really wants to hire the best person for the job, they should look to the long-term unemployed and underemployed. No one else could ever be as grateful for a job as someone who has endured long-term unemployment. You want a long-term, faithful employee? Hire the long-term unemployed, and not the guy just looking to move up the ladder. He just wants a paycheck. Some of us want (and deserve) a lot more.


Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

What do you do in the summertime when... you have just been ripped off?

In the past few weeks I have been ripped off not once, but twice, by clients. I was hired to do a specific job for a specific amount of money. I performed both jobs not just well, but very well. Both clients expressed satisfaction and appreciation for the well done work.
And yet neither has paid me.
I am in the process of taking the proper steps to recover what I am owed. In the meantime, I'm left with the emotions that come with such dishonesty. It frustrates me to no end that people do this sort of thing. Why would you hire someone if you have no intention of paying them, unless you really do have dishonest and quite frankly immoral or evil intentions? And how can you live with yourself?
To say the least, the dishonesty of these other parties has had a very negative effect on my life. I am a freelancer. I depend upon the work I do to make the money I need to support myself. When someone intentionally hires me, accepts my work, and then doesn't pay me, it isn't just some mere inconvenience. I don't have other forms of income coming in. It's the money that was supposed to pay for my food, shelter, gas, etc..
When I go into job interviews for full-time jobs I always get asked, "Why do you want to leave self-employment?" (Actually what they almost always insensitively say is, "why do you want to get a job now?" Because apparently working 50 hours/week from home isn't a real job.) The answer I want to give is, "I'm tired of getting ripped off by my clients, and I'm tired of working three times harder than I have ever worked before to make 3 times less money." But that is not considered a professionally appropriate answer, so instead I say, "I miss being part of a larger, dynamic team." (But I'm always thinking, "I really want a consistent paycheck every 2 weeks.")
So help me get back at the guy who hired me to write a 25 page e-book (10 pt font, single spaced) on how to use Facebook for small business marketing, and then didn't pay me, by buying, "Increase e-Book Sales with Social Media Marketing." It's not the same exact book I wrote for him. (I'm still trying to be somewhat honest. I said I would write it, he would pay me, and he would own the rights to the book. But since he hasn't paid me, I've made some changes, and decided to sell it direct myself.)
It's just 99 cents to buy.  Use this magic little linky straight to PayPal, and I email you the PDF (or .mobi file if you prefer) book right back! (I swear to you this is a totally safe and secure link!)

PS- I don't say too much about my job hunting efforts around here. It's considered unprofessional to do so. But today I could just use the moral support from my friends.
I was interviewing last fall for some jobs, but nothing really panned out. I took a short break from looking, but have resumed my efforts again. In the past month I've had 3 really big disappointments. 3 different opportunities where it came down to me and one other person for an ideal job. And obviously in each case I didn't get the job.  I'm reaching the end of my "able to handle so much rejection rope." (couple all of that with clients ripping me off, and you can start to get an idea of what it feels like on my end of this internet connection.)
Last week I had a job interview that was just... ridiculously bad. The interviewer talked about random, unrelated subjects for 20 minutes, and then said, "So you really aren't a good fit for this position. Why did you apply?" And this is after I have just spent 5 hours in a car to drive to the interview, not to mention close to $80 in gas for the travel. And that was the only question she asked me. She couldn't have asked me that over the phone and saved me the trouble?? Ugh...
Back to my point... I have [another] interview this week. And this job (what little I know about it so far), really does sound perfect for me. I'm excited about it. I am a very good fit for the position, and it is something I can see myself doing for a long time. Can you think some happy thoughts for me? Hope for a good interviewer who knows how to ask the important questions, and that the 500 crucial details I have to get worked out between now and then all come together. (Just one of them being getting paid!)
Thanks. I appreciate it.
Hmm... you know what? I just might go publish the Facebook for small business marketing book too. I can't really think of a good reason not to.

I'd give my left leg to not write this post

I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop burning my left leg. Why the left leg? I don't know. But that is the side of the laptop that gets hot and eventually starts to burn my leg. Thankfully this doesn't happen too often, only after I've been working on my computer for at least 12 hours.
Yes, I have been working on this thing for 12 straight hours. (No wonder I'm so hungry.)

I've resumed job hunting after a month long break. (Why a month break? Because it took less than a month for me to remember why I wanted to get a "real" job again, and then another week to talk myself into putting myself through this misery again.) Every time I have a job interview they inevitably ask, "So why do you want to leave self-employment and go back to work?"

And every time I hear that question I want to tell the truth, "Because I'm sick and tired of working 12 hour days that result in barely more than minimum wage. And it wouldn't be "going back to work." I've never had to work so hard in my life, for such a small payoff."

Days like today are why I want to "go back to work." There is one more very big reason why I am tired of self-employment- I am sick and tired of having to promote and sell myself! I would so much rather market another person or company. Marketing and selling yourself all day is just tiresome! Not to mention, a complete ego-killer. Except on the days it goes well. Then it's a big ego-boost.

But I'm not in this (this being gainful employment) for the ego-boost. I'm in it for the paycheck!

Speaking of paychecks, there is a stinkbug climbing along the ceiling over me. I can't reach it, not even with a broom. I know, I tried. And while I was up I got an ice pack to put on my left leg, under the laptop. It may be time for me to give in and buy a new computer. But to do that, I'm going to afford a new laptop, I'm going to have to several more extra projects. And that means more time burning my left leg. How much can my little left leg take?

And that people, is why I have resumed my job search.

And why you are feeling an overwhelming urge to save me a few hours of work tonight, and go buy my books- "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

Wake me up, when .... ends

I've yet again reached one of those weeks where my entire future could change with a simple phone call.
Or the call could come and nothing will change.
Either way, that call is coming.
And there is an expensive and painful dental appointment in my future.
Really, I'd like to fast-forward and get it over with. I'd rather just get to Friday and find out how it all turns out and not live in limbo all week.
But mostly, I just want to get to Saturday to see Doctor Who again.


Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

Woman's Search for Happiness

Kaya says, "Please, please, pretty please may I have some of your delicious human foods??"

Oh if you could only hear me laughing now...
No sooner do I go public with my hiatus than another surprise comes my way. It's still a crazy long shot of an opportunity. But it turns out there are still a few irons in this fire after all.

It was a beautiful Sabbath today. I had several opportunities to remember and be reminded of the blessings in my life, and that I am not alone, and that there are others who are mindful of the challenges I face. And sometimes, right when you are not really busy doing anything, it is nice to be remembered for being helpful.

It is the ultimate challenge sometimes to be happy in spite of difficult or unhappy circumstances around us. Tonight I can go to bed and truly say that in spite of difficult or challenging circumstances around me, that I am happy. Maybe it isn't the life or the world that I would have picked or designed for myself. But I can be (and I am) happy with what I have made from what I have been given. And that isn't something I can say (or have said) very often. And being able to do so tonight makes it that much sweeter to be able to say.

Cry Uncle! (and buy my books!)

Almost exactly one year after I begged for mercy and declared a personal hiatus from life, I'm doing it again.
No more job hunting- or at least not active and aggressive job hunting. There are a few leads still out there and I will continue to follow through with those. And if a great opportunity finds me, I'll pursue it. But otherwise, my ego, psyche, and broken, jaded, little heart need a break.
This hiatus comes as a huge relief for me and gives me the personal mental freedom I need to make other commitments and move on. There are other opportunities and options around me that I have not taken advantage of because I was always afraid that I might be about to accept a job and move away.
And so it is I cry uncle, and move on in a different direction with my life.
I don't regret this. If anything it comes with a great deal of relief. I'd rather be happy with what I have- or work to be happy with what I have- than always be telling myself I could do better if others would just let me. I prefer to be the one who determines my own happiness!
Just 48 hours into this decision and I've already looked at plane tickets for another humanitarian vacation, made inquiries into musical activities, and joined a dance class for adults. See? Already happier and more active!
And... I've already started to work on a brand new book (as well as continue working on Book 3 in the Haley and Cam series, "Coming Up Next").
Which reminds me! The final section of Book 2, "This Just In," will be ready sometime next week. (The full book will also be sold as one unit starting next week too.) Have you read parts 1-3 yet?
(PS- Does anyone use iTunes/iBooks for buying/downloading books? I haven't had any request that I make my books available that way, but I'm curious if I should.) (Also, if you haven't checked out Smashwords.com yet as a way to find and purchase books, I highly recommend it!)

You Heard It Here First (Book 1)
From the moment girl-next-door Haley McAdams met America's Favorite News Reporter Camden Morrison, her life hasn't been the same. Suddenly she has everything she ever wanted- love, money, and career success. But can she handle the pressures that come with it? One day she's a financial blogger, the next, a TV expert on a political scandal. Her on-air epiphanies and liberated writing style have landed some powerful men in hot water, and there are consequences to pay. Just as her career takes off, so does her love life. But the memories of her past make it hard to accept the good things around her. Is her rich and famous boyfriend the real reason for her new success? Does he really love her? Or does he have an ulterior motive too? Haley is a good girl from a loving family and traditional values, but she knows her way around the world of finance and politics. She may be virtuous, but she is not naïve. And if there is one thing she has learned, it is that the love of money is the root of all evil.

Kindle: $3.99
Paperback: $7.99
Nook: $3.99
Smashwords/iTunes: $3.99 

This Just In! (Book Two, Part One)
Haley Jo McAdams has found the love of her life in Camden Morrison. She's landed her dream job, and fame and fortune are hers for the taking. Her life reads like the perfect modern-day fairy tale. She's never been happier and life has never been better.
But just as the starbursts and fairy dust begin to settle, the fireworks and explosions begin. Long-distance relationships are never easy,  especially when they cross international time zones, and involve the paparazzi.
Just when Haley thinks she has it all figured out, scandals, pirates, and a kidnapping turn her life upside down.
Is her life a fairy tale or a complete nightmare?
Kindle: $1.99
Nook: $1.99

This Just In! (Book 2, Part 2)
When we last left Haley and Cam, Cam had endured and succeeded in a very tense first meeting with Haley's father. The couple had discussed marriage, but Haley began to have doubts.
Big questions are resolved, but as Haley learns, life goes on, and more questions are always asked!
Kindle: $1.99

Nook: $1.99

This Just In! (Book 2, Part 3)
No good deed goes unpunished! For every good thing that happens for Haley and Cam, something worse seems to follow. Cam's reputation and career are on the line. His family's dirty laundry is out for everyone to see. Should Haley defend her man or defend her own reputation?
Kindle: $1.99
Nook: $1.99

A Bittersweet Day- Not Anything Like a Dragonfruit

Today was a bittersweet day.

First, I had a phone job interview. The job sounded absolutely fascinating. I felt like the interview went really well. And then there was the kicker- it's a Christian organization, and the employee must support their cause.
I absolutely do support their cause. In fact, I'd love to be their biggest champion. I am behind what they want to achieve 100%!
But- that doesn't mean they want me- and they don't. No, this "Christian organization" defines Christians by the Apostles Creed or Nicean Creed, and therefore, doesn't allow Mormons (or Jehovah's Witnesses, Adventists, and a few others).
So in spite of the fact that I love their cause and am a great candidate for the work, they have already ruled me out.
The Bitter: Didn't get the job (or even considered)
The Sweet: A good interview, and the assurance that comes from forthrightly standing up for what you believe.


Second-
Speaking of job interviews, a few weeks ago I had a great one. I really liked the person I interviewed with. I felt like there was a great connection, and I hoped for the best for that particular job. I've been crossing my fingers, hoping for a response from them this week.
They finally called today. Normally this is a good thing, but not today. Well, not completely anyway. The interviewer herself called me back. She explained that they had decided to go another direction, but that she wanted me to know that she really did like me, and hoped I would apply for other positions within her company in the future. And hoped that we could keep in touch in the future.
The Bitter: Not getting the job (obviously)
The Sweet: I didn't read the person entirely wrong. Dating and job hunting  have a lot in common in this respect - it's just nice to know you didn't get it completely wrong.


Third-
I found a dragonfruit at the grocery store. I ate these things every single freaking day in Cambodia. I LOVED them. They were so good! (See picture above- and below.) I have craved one of these suckers every day since I left the country. (Fun sidenote: I'm not a sign seeker, but if I was, I'd take this as a good sign. I applied for a really cool job in Cambodia yesterday. It's a serious long shot, but it would be a huge dream come true for me!)
The Bitter: It was rotten.
The Sweet: I did manage to get one or two good bites out of it.

This was mushy and grayish on the inside. It should be crispy, and a little watery (like an apple), and bright white (plus the seeds). This was just yucky. $9 of yucky.

Black cloud with a silver lining? Or silver cloud with a black lining?

Today was both a beautiful day and a tough day for me. Please forgive me for not getting too specific with the details while sharing this personal experience.
I had a job interview in the DC area. Going to these interviews has really started to take its toll on me. It costs me easily $100 each time I have to make the 4 hour drive up there, for what is usually only a 1 hour meeting. The $100 covers gas, food, etc. Plus let's not forget weather and seasonal changes have meant needing a good winter interview suit.
I've gone on a lot of interviews in the last 3-4 months. I hate to admit that I have lost count, but I'm thinking around 8 times? That's at least $800 I have spent going to job interviews.
Can you see how that alone would really start to wear on me?
And that doesn't even include the time investment, or having to ask friends and family for favors, or letting me sleep on their couches. Or getting a dog sitter. (My dog is becoming a pro at this too. Since she likes car rides so much, I've brought her along on several of these trips.)
I am grateful and excited each time I get an interview. Please do not think that I am not grateful!
But this is a lot of money I have invested with pretty much no results thus far.
Today I had another interview. I thought I was well-prepared, and I was actually fairly excited about it. I even felt nervous for the first time in a long time about an interview.
Before the interview I said a very specific prayer. And as I always do, I ended it in humility that I would accept the outcome of the events of the day as the Lord's will, and move on. I felt very comforted and confident that the events of the day would not be an accident, and that they would be the Lord's will, and I would see and know the answers to my very specific prayer.
And again, forgive me for not giving the specific details.
I can say that there were events in this day that no amount of preparation would have given me reason to see or anticipate coming. Things so completely out of my control and ridiculous that it was actually easy to walk away and laugh (at the time). It was not hard to accept that the unexpected turn of events were the Lord's will, and move on.
In many ways the very clear, obvious, and specific answers to my prayer made it a beautiful day. One I will always remember.
But then after so many negative experiences with interviews lately, there is that hazy, dark blemish on this day. I burned out. My desire to put myself through this again has dwindled down to nothing. I have more interviews lined up in the very near future, so this is a little black rain cloud I need to get out from under quickly- if possible. 
I'm very tired, very burned out, of job hunting and interviewing. I want to call it quits, but at the same time, I want to move on with my life even more. So I can't give up.