Single Life Never Looked So Pathetic

Okay, I have a confession to make. I had the most boring single woman's weekend ever. A lot of that was due to cold medicine that knocked me out. I slept 12 straight hours on Friday night and Saturday night. I did manage to get up and do a few small things both afternoons, followed by 3 hour naps both days, which is always nice. So basically, most boring weekend ever.
And then tonight, feeling a little stir crazy, I went to a fireside for singles. (For the non-mormons reading this a fireside is basically a lecture on a religious topic.) The speaker related his experiences as a volunteer in Sri Lanka following the tsunami. It was an interesting fireside. But looking around the room was absolutely depressing. (Our firesides have pretty pathetic turnout, but we're working on that.) There was maybe 25 people in the room, of which 5 of us were the McLean Stake council, so deduct us from the equation (the only 5 of us under the age of 40). So that leaves us with 20, of which 5 were men. Four of the five men (if there were that many) were over the age of 50 most likely. The fifth one was 40ish. And none of them really screamed, "Ladies Man." They all sort of screamed, "Socially Incompetent!" (Not that I would ever say something so rude.) But then there were the 20 or so women in the room. And oh my gosh. If that is my future I'd rather be drowned in the Hudson tomorrow. Every last woman in that room (okay, maybe that is a tiny exaggeration, but maybe its not) you could just glance at and know why these women were single. Is there something about forty that makes women lose their ability to dress smartly and turn into the old lady with the apple in the woods from "Snow White?" Knowing that tonight was their one big social outing for the week, I seriously have to also wonder when it is they lost their common sense. If it had been my only social adventure for the week I probably would have at least touched up my roots and worn a cute outfit. But for reasons that can only explain their marital status, I was sitting in a room full of what appeared to be old hags. I need someone to give me the expiration date when you go from being "single" to "old maid" or "hag." Because seriously, I'm drowning myself in the Hudson (or maybe just the Potomac) before that happens.
So next weekend, in spite of how sick I may or may not be, I am going out and finding me a man.
Oh, and if I have reached the point where you can just look at me and see why it is I am still single, I would greatly appreciate it if you would share your knowledge with me. But not in the comments section, cause that might be a little embarrassing.