these irish eyes are not smiling

Its that time again- time for Erin's rants on men to begin. I've been debating posting anything on this subject because I'm not sure if any of the men in question read this or not. But today I realized that I don't care. They obviously don't know my side of things, and it probably couldn't hurt for them to find out. There are four guys worth mentioning right now.

We'll call the first one Cougar (which has nothing to do with anything other than I'm looking at a college logo on my desk right now). Cougar and I met online and had several great conversations, at pretty predictable times of the day. Without having actually met him, I was really starting to like him, and I had every reason to think it was mutual. And then he disappeared. Poof! Vanish! Gone! I waited an appropriate amount of time before sending an email to hopefully spur our conversations back on. Nothing. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to a month, and NOTHING. No contact, no explanation, nothing. He's just gone. And then out of the blue, I get an email from him that says, "Hey, its been a while, where did you go?" UM, WHAT? I had contacted him twice during his vanishing act, and got no response. I'm not the type of girl to make excuses like, "the email never got there." But these things are always possible. But come on!! I waited a decent amount of time and responded to Cougar and gently reminded him he is the one who stopped the communication, not me. It wasn't rude or anything, in fact, the email continued to be friendly and funny. And since then I have heard from him every day, back to his old routine. (Its been about a week in progress now.) I think he is possibly one of the best guys I have ever met. We have some amazing connections and tons in common. But chances of my heart and/or brain every trusting him again are close to zero.

The second guy we shall call "Lucky." We met, had a great time together, and hooked up several times over a 2 month period. And then in a pretty mutual move, stopped seeing each other. We never discussed it or anything, but we both just knew it was time. Things had run their course. So much to my surprise, he surfaced again as well. And even more to my surprise, he was better than I remembered. But I knew it was going to be short-lived. This isn't a guy known for his long term capabilities. We saw each other a few times, everything was very cool, and then boom, he's done- again. It was a little sooner than I predicted, but I was at least expecting it. My only real surprise in it is that I'm disappointed. I was starting to like having him around again. I just might miss him. I think he may come back around again in a few weeks, it is his pattern. But I'm really not sure if I want him to. Or do I want to tell him I want him to take me seriously? I don't know.

The next guy doesn't really qualify for a nickname, but we'll call him Stumpy just for fun. He wasn't a "good on paper guy" at all. In fact, he's lacking seriously in all qualifications. I'm only mentioning him because he was possibly the worst and most boring date I have been on in years. We had nothing in common and conversation truly hurt. The lowlight of the date? He asked where I was last week and I explained I was in Boston touring hotels for a big convention. He said, "Oh really? I'm staying in a hotel." You have really really got to be trying hard when the best connection you can come up with is, "I'm staying in a hotel." (I withheld my sarcasm and didn't make a "I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night!" joke.)

Last we have Soldier Boy (what cracks me up is that multiple guys could be reading this right now and guessing that he is Soldier Boy, but none of you are. I am 90% certain he knows nothing of the blog.) He's a great guy. Very "good on paper." And even better in person. But we're just friends, and I love our friendship. I look forward to our emails, phone calls, and "friend dates." There is no question that we have a great chemistry and fun friendship. I could really fall for him. But he seems to be oblivious to the fact that I am an eligible maiden. I can't hold it against him. He thinks I am actually dating Lucky, which I have tried to correct. (Lucky and I are not dating. We are just people who go on dates occasionally.)

So there you have it. I'm a confused and overwhelmed girl. After 15 years of dating, I have no idea what I am doing. My heart gets twisted, turned around, and hurt way too often. Of course no one sees that because I prefer to keep my heart in deep freeze where it belongs, but it is starting to miss the fresh air and daylight. What do you do when you have met 3 guys that you truly consider to be perfect and wonderful, and yet, nothing seems to work out with them? And then guys that you really couldn't ever get interested in keep throwing themselves in your path. I just don't know what to do. I could use the advice. Anyone got some pearls for me??