I have a new crush. It is a big one this time, and this guy is very different from my past choices. He's better than most of the guys I've ever dated. And that's saying something, since I do hold most of my exes in very high regard.
I think he's somewhat interested back. But he runs hot and cold. One minute he's shy, the next he's flirty and affectionate. When we see each other, he gives me every reason to think he's interested. But I wonder if he thinks of me when we don't see each other?
I'm 34 and single. We can safely assume I've made stupid dating choices in the past. "He's Just Not That Into You" could have easily been written about me. This time I'm making different choices. I'm taking it all at face value. I won't dissect his every move, or lack thereof. I won't waste (too much more) time daydreaming about how cute he is. And I'm putting a time limit on it. This crush comes will have an expiration date.
But how long? I don't want to waste my time crushing on some guy that will never know I was sitting around pining away for him (again!). So how long do I give him to ask me out? And if nothing has happened by that date, I force myself to just give up and move along. Seriously, tell me how long! And honestly, do guys really ever actually ask girls out anymore? Or are we back to that whole hanging out thing again?
(I can't help myself. I'm a serial monogamist. I can't be interested in more than one guy at a time.)
I know how you feel. I keep telling myself I won't wait for my crush. I date other people but I kept coming back to him. Sigh! And it has been hard dating more than one person at a time. It's not for me. It is so stressful or at least I make it so. I don't feel like I'm being fair to everyone. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOne day. Flirt your heart out and if he doesn't ask you out, he isn't interested. Yes, men do ask women out. I have been asked out by two men in the past few months. More if you count the internet dating, but I've lost interest in that.
ReplyDeleteIf I were you, I'd continue to flirt with other guys too.
ReplyDeleteIf you flirt with him, hang out etc. and he doesn't ask you out, move on.
Yes, guys do ask girls out. But flirting back isn't always an indication that someone is interested in you. Flirting is a fun induldgence, and there's many men and women who flirt back even if they aren't interested in someone.
I am in the same boat that you are in except that I am on the opposite side. While flirting may be nice I doubt very seriously that it is enough. I would postulate that he likely doesnt really know or fully understand flirting. It is being nice and friendly. Also if he is in your age window and social window he likely feels that somehow he has failed. Ergo he may be likely to move slow haltingly and schizophrenically because he may be unsure of himself and constently has to check his six to make sure there is nothing bad comming up from behind, no surprises. It is my thought that within our ingroup that it can be hard to not have a bitter self view once you become a statistical outrider. I would argue that instead of trying to be flirty and coax him into asking you out you simply ask him to have lunch and then lay out the conversation from your sidee tell him that you are interested in hima dn that you want to date him. The ball then is unambigueously in his court.
ReplyDeleteI know that this likely goes against the grain of your personal mores and likely of many of the people that you will receive advice from. But to put it into some kindd of analogy a skitterish deer will never come up to you and eat from your had unless you show it that you have something it wants and that you are willing to give it to them; even then it likely will take considerable effort and time on your part to get it to willingly come to you to eat.
Hmm, as someone who reads your blog and hasn't comment yet (that I remember), I say this somewhat tongue in cheek and also seriously. Ignore him. Don't go out of your way to flirt with him. Continue to be the friendly, happy, positive, and outgoing person you are.
ReplyDeleteMen do ask women out. Mormon men I can't be so sure, I haven't dated one for a long while, but I would like to think so. I would also think that they might be a tad bit used to women doing the work for them, and therefore taking some of the fun out of the chase for them.
I've always wondered why the men you aren't interested in chase you the hardest; and the men you are crazy about hardly know you exist. Today I think it is because we make the chase way too easy for them. Humans tend to want what they can't have. Tomorrow I'll probably think something different. I'm fickle that way.
Good luck whatever you decide to do! Crushes can be such fun.