Calm the Child

Last week I had the incredible opportunity to go hear the Dalai Lama speak at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. For me, this was "bucket list level" cool. I greatly admire the Dalai Lama and his teachings of peace and cooperation.
Speaking of Christians, he said, "To think that you were created by God means that you also have a spark of God within you."
This is, of course, a teaching I know and have heard many times before. We believe we are created in His image, and we are His children.
These last few weeks have been hard. There have been trials, tests, gifts, and experiences I never anticipated, nor am I at liberty to share yet. But never before have those words meant so much to me. "you also have a spark of God within you."
It is when things are at their scariest and toughest that we must turn and remember these things.
And I know I need to remember it more often.

Dental Distractions

I've always been pretty lucky when it comes to dental issues. I never had braces. My teeth are/were naturally fairly straight. And until a few years ago I had only ever had one cavity as a kid.
And yet I've had 2.5 root canals in the past week.
It hasn't been pretty.
I also didn't have a fear of dentists until 1-2 years ago. Now my fear is bordering right on paranoia.
Let me explain.
A few years ago, during my Peace Corps paperwork process, I had to go to the dentist. I found the cheapest one in Roanoke and even took a coupon with me. She took some x-rays and declared me good enough for the PC. But she did mention that I had 2 "almost" cavities, and encouraged me to come back for fillings before I left with the PC.
Well, as you might recall, I never did leave with the PC, did I?
So I put off getting the fillings, because, hey, they weren't really cavities anyway.
Earlier this year I finally got around to it (because I saw another coupon for that dentist, and because I had severe pain in one of the teeth she had warned me about). She gave me a filling in that tooth, and at a second appointment, put in a filling in the other problem tooth.
During all 3 appointments I was very disappointed with how I was treated, the state of the exam room, and even went so far as to complain to the health department after my third appointment. Why?
I SAW A RAT RUN ACROSS THE FLOOR!!
But quite frankly, I was seeing a dentist that takes coupons. So what did I really expect?
Oh and she didn't use any novocaine on me during one appointment, but did use topical lidocaine. It was incredibly painful, but she insisted I would be fine.  The only reason I was fine was because I had Lortab leftover from a kidney stone at home. It was horribly painful and I vowed to never return to her again.
For the past year or so I have had very sensitive teeth. It was a new development, and not one I enjoyed. Sensitive teeth suck! Hot food, cold food, etc. It all hurts.
About 2 weeks ago the pain in one tooth became constant, and not just a sensitive tooth. I could tell a part of the filling had chipped off, so I decided to go to a new dentist.
As you know, I've recently moved, so I had to find a new dentist. I looked up my childhood dentist, but he's not taking "new" patients (apparently being one of his very first patients over 30 years ago doesn't grandfather you in), and he wasn't covered by my insurance anyway. I looked up the nearest dentist with my insurance, and managed to get an appointment next day (due to a cancellation).
He took one look at my teeth and some x-rays and immediately grew concerned. In a nutshell, the past dentist drilled out a hole in one tooth, but never put in a filling. And in the other tooth, she drilled out a hole, put in a filling, but didn't complete fill it. So a large cavity had formed behind the cavity. And there was a cavity in the next tooth over due to the random hole she drilled.
He warned me the random hole tooth was likely dead and would probably need a root canal. He worked on that one first.
A few seconds after he started he stopped and said, "The good news is that the novocaine is working and you can't feel anything. The bad news is that your tooth just shattered. But the file I was using is stuck up inside your tooth. Before the numbing wears off you need to get over to the emergency endodontist to get fixed up. NOW."
Several hundred dollars and a few hours later, I had my first root canal.
A few days later I returned for a second one at the dentist's office.
And that's when he warned me I needed a third one.
So I went back today for what we hoped would just be a filling. Ironically, this was the tooth I thought was hurting me in the first place.
Oh, did I mention the other 2 teeth were dead?
Unfortunately I was running late to my appointment today. If I had been on-time, he could have finished.
Yet again he got started and moments later I heard the assistant/tech/hygenist (I have no idea what she really was. She was shadowing for CE credits- that much I caught.) gasp. And the dentist apologized. "Well, the good news is that the novocaine is working. The bad news is your tooth just shattered. Again. And we don't have time to finish the root canal."
So he put on a temporary filling, and I am supposed to go back next week for MORE FUN!
(Hmm... my painkillers  may be kicking in. But I digress.)
Here's the good news, for as scary as root canals are supposed to be, they haven't bothered me much. The novocaine works. I don't feel too much of it. There is a great deal of tension and anxiety as a result of the non-medicated experiences with the crap dentist in Roanoke. And I was crazy sore after the first root canal as a result of having my mouth forced wide open for close to 5 hours.  The endo was kind enough to prescribe some painkillers that made the following few days manageable. But really, the procedures haven't been that bad. Although I admit, I was also taking painkillers to keep calm before I even went in.
Tonight while at the movies with a friend, my temp filling broke. What is left of my real tooth is pretty small, with a very sharp edge it turns out. And there's about half of the temp filling still stuck in there. But I have a very sharp tooth scraping the inside of my cheek.
Oh and let's not forget there's also some serious anxiety now that at any moment the rest of the filling could come out and I will have an exposed nerve. I don't need to actually experience that to know if it were to happen it will hurt like hell. So yeah, some anxiety over that.
And all this for someone who has only ever had 3 cavities before in her whole life. 2.5 root canals.
And you had better believe I'm requesting all my records from the crap dentist for the new dentist to review. And once I have the paperwork evidence, I am reporting her disasters to the state board. Because this is ridiculous.
I do have one positive thing to say. No, make that 2 positive things to say. 1- I have awesome dental insurance. Turns out root canals are covered 80%, and appointments don't have a co-pay. And I only had a $50 deductible. Thank goodness for that. 2- My new dentist has been incredibly kind about this whole thing. I think he feels worse about it than I do.
And since I have no shame, enjoy this lovely picture of me halfway through my first root canal at the endo office. This was actually on Halloween. I was a little disappointed that my droopy face finally got better right before the trick or treaters showed up. I thought I had a great scary face!

Does anyone else get a droopy eye or forehead from dental novocaine? Both the endo and dentist told me that it's unusual. But it happens to me almost every time. I get that little shot on the top, and boom, not only does the mouth and cheek go dumb, I lose feeling right up over my cheek and eyelids. My forehead even looks half botoxed. And I stay numb much longer than they say I should (6+ hours is not unusual for me).

Where is my solace?

Several months ago I applied and interviewed for a job that led to some unusual experiences. Forgive me for keeping a few of the details aloof, but I feel it is best to do so.

I had applied on a whim. There was a chance I was qualified, and a chance that I was not. When they called me in for the interview I was surprised and excited. They told me they had conducted a nationwide search, mostly by word of mouth and networking. They also posted the job on their website, where just one day before the opening closed, I saw it and applied. I was one of very few people who applied blind like that. And I was the only local candidate brought in to interview.
The interview went really, really well. I was shocked how well it went. When I left I told a few of the close friends/family that knew about the interview that basically if I didn't get it, I knew the person who got it must really be better qualified than I was, because interviews just don't get better than that. And I could live with that.
Several people were fasting and praying for me to get that job. It seemed ideal for me. It really did.
A few weeks longer than anticipated I got the call. They explained that I did not get the job. They had decided to hire from within- something that had not anticipated doing. But they wanted me to know how much they liked me, yada yada.
I was devastated, but what can you do? I allowed myself a few days to shake it off, pick myself up, and move on. But like I said, I was very disappointed.
(It wasn't long after that experience that I applied (again on a whim and blindly) to the job I have now.)
Almost 2 months passed when I got a call out of the blue. The president of that organization called me personally. I was so stunned I could barely speak on the phone. He asked if I could come in to his office- the very next day. Having no idea what he could possibly want to talk to me about, I went in.
He related some very unexpected personal experiences to me. He's a religious man and the job was tangentially religious. I would be working with a lot of fellow Mormons had I gotten the job. He told me something that really stuck with me. "He doesn't pray about who the new marketing director will be." Those were his exact words. He prays about personal things, and he prays about important things. But rarely, if ever, in his life has he ever prayed about business matters, let alone employee hires.
He went on to explain that he did not pray about who to hire for the position. He said it was clear to him, and to everyone on the search committee, that I was the best fit. When they went to sit down and make it a formal agreement to offer me the job, I believe he said they went around the table and all agreed to it. But then one person paused, and another. And they asked for more time. He explained that then and there he had a very personal, spiritual witness to hire someone else. Interesting note on that- that other person was also on the search committee and had also voted to hire me. He was as surprised as anyone else when this happened. (I know this because I went on to meet with him later and talk about a few things.)
It wasn't fun or easy to hear that for some reason God passed me over. That people had a spiritual experience that led to not giving me a job. But it did make it somewhat easier to accept that this had happened. (It helped that during the course of this conversation I knew I had a job interview lined up for the very next week. And yes, that was the job I did get.)
It gave me some clarity and closure as to how and why I did not get this ideal job and seemingly perfect situation. It gave me peace in spite of my disappointment.
This week I've had a lot of other disappointments and confusion to sort out in my heart. Things that seemed so obvious, so easy, and even at times spiritually guided did not work out. Something I prayed at great length about many times, and had some very personal spiritual experiences with, came back to break my heart and hurt me in the end. Tonight I prayed and asked why did I have to be led into a situation that would only hurt me in the end? Why couldn't I be spared? I got nothing from it. There was little happiness along the way. I am not a better person for the trial. There was no growth or challenges overcome. So why did I have to do it? Why couldn't I be told no, not to pursue it, somewhere along the way?
I have no answers.
But I do have the memory of the job interview and the knowledge that sometimes spiritual guidance comes when and where you least expect it. You can do everything right, but sometimes, it just isn't going to work out, and it isn't your fault.
That all being said, my poor, repeatedly bruised and broken heart, looks forward to not being hurt or disappointed someday.

Hitting the Wall Face First

This is a pretty good visual for how I've been feeling lately. Whether I'm the guy doing the smooshing, or getting smooshed, I'm not sure. Either way, it isn't a pleasant experience.

Remember the main scenario/problem going on in The Agency,? Well, it is happening to me again. Not the whole wicked witch problem, but the paycheck problem. Again, it isn't a pleasant experience.

I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I want to kick rocks. I want the problem to go away! And I really want it to stop happening to me!!

The scene that keeps replaying through my mind is from "You've Got Mail," talking about the line from the "Godfather."




Maybe it isn't personal to the person on the other end of this, but it sure is personal to me.

There's more than just work and the ability to support myself going on. For a few weeks there it felt like life was finally just rolling along just the way I always wanted it to- love life? check! published book? check! employment? check! anxiously engaged in good causes? check! I felt good! I felt great! I actually had what I wanted- for a few weeks.

And I'm not saying those things are all gone. I'm just saying that they aren't as bright and shiny as they were for those few weeks in the summer sun. I'm trying so hard to remind myself that all it would take is just one of those scenarios shifting back into the check box, and I'd be happy again. I hate it when circumstances affect my attitude. But these aren't normal circumstances, are they?

But I'm trying to snap out of the mood. I'm trying to get back to happy. I'm applying for jobs. I'm smiling. I'm trying not to complain. So bear with me. I've got some work to do before I feel right again.

Strong is the only choice you have

I was about to sit down and write about depression and frustrations- something I am all too familiar with right now. I went over to Pinterest (yes, I am addicted) to find a picture or quote about frustrations and depression, and saw this one instead. And there was my answer.
Today, instead of giving in to tears, frustration, anger, and depression like I so very badly want to, I will be strong. Because the other options aren't going to solve my problems now are they?
Today I will focus on writing, applying for jobs, and looking for answers. And then tonight I will crank up some music and have my own little dance party. You can come join me if you want to. The cost of admission is a hug and some chocolate. Please bring copious amounts of both!

A mighty wind of change

It is nearly 1am and I suffering from some serious jet lag. I've been awake since about 5am, I think. My body and my head are at war over the sleeping arrangements. And in the meantime, my brain is on overload contemplating everything and anything at a completely inappropriate hour for such thoughts. 
Mostly I'm contemplating a hair cut, or maybe a color change, which may seem superficial and vain at best. But really, once you understand me better, you realize its the inside looking for a symbolic outside change. Maybe it is time to go back to my original dark blond hair color? Or maybe I'll actually wear make up this year? Lose some weight? Maybe try jewelry? I don't know. I just want to look different on the outside to match how different I am on the inside. After all, everything on the inside of me has changed in the past month. 
I've gone through these motions before. I want my appearance to reflect the changes in my heart. It has happened with every major job change, service experience, move, etc. Its a reasonable wish, right? 
To be honest, I am also obsessing over the whole Occupy Wall Street movement. Are they demanding a forced redistribution of wealth? (ahem, communism?) Demanding more taxes? Less taxes? More taxes for only some of the people? Volunteering to donate to the national deficit? Offering to employ an unemployed person for a day? Or just complaining because it seems like the cool thing to do? Let me point out my own truths- I've been unemployed now for over 18 months. I no longer qualify for unemployment benefits. I lost 3 jobs in a row due to no fault of my own because the companies couldn't afford to pay me. In one case my employer (Tricia McGarry) fraudulently didn't pay the employees, kept what money she may or may not have had, and has continued to start (and lose) new businesses. She still owes me several thousand dollars, and yet there is little to no recourse for me to recoup my lost wages from her. Believe me, if anyone deserves to complain about how the economy and businesses have screwed them over, it is me. And yet, I still can't get on board with all of this complaining.
But back to the "big businesses" and taxes. I get that people think it is unfair that an elite few hold the largest wealth. But this being a capitalist republic and all, there is a lot they can do about that. They could start their own businesses for starters. Or vote for someone else. Or run for office themselves. Or just use different products and boycott the "evil empires." 
Its not like these college students and graduates were forced to take out student loans, starting out their lives in debt. No one tell these kids that real poverty means they don't even consider buying iPhones and iPads. Real poverty and no hope means you don't even have the option of living with parents. Real poverty is when your parents sell you into sex trafficking so your family can afford to eat. So yeah, I'm not all that sympathetic right now to spoiled Americans crying because they aren't getting what they think they deserve. 
But I feel the changes coming- inside and outside. A mighty wind of change is definitely upon us...

Now I've had the time of my life, no I never felt like this before

Today was full of highs and lows, just like so many other days of unemploymentville. Let's dwell on the highs today, and keep the lows in denial. First, thank you for your happy thoughts let to my last post. I really appreciate them.
I got an unexpected email from an old friend today. (She knows who she is, and knows that I know she's reading this.) It came from the heart and really cheered me up. The strange part is that it wasn't intended to be a cheer up letter. She sent a truly "I get it" email. It really felt good to feel loved by an old friend, and to know I'm not alone in my frustrations and experiences lately. To that friend- thank you.
As things tend to do when a friend from the past comes up, one thing lead to another and we began discussing boys we had crushes on back in the day. I think she and I crushed on many of the same boys, and frequently at the same time too. I revealed to her one of my better high school secrets. (I kissed a boy we all knew and never told my girlfriends!)
It got me thinking about so many old friends and crushes that I have lost touch with. So I did what any self-respecting social media marketing expert would do- I looked them all up on Facebook.  And then, without thinking about it at all, I requested to be friends with them. And then five minutes later I found out that there is still a very self-conscious, nervous, scared to talk to her crush, 14 yr old inside of me, that is panicking that her crush might say no.
How silly of me! Is it possible to laugh at your own insecurities? Because I'm getting a good laugh out of my own stupidity right now. And yet, it isn't making my inner 14 yr old calm down at all. Go figure.
Next thing you know I'm going to be teasing my bangs and wearing acid wash jeans again. And digging up my old They Might Be Giants albums.
Actually, I think I will go dig up those albums anyway. They're still awesome.
For my old Centreville friends, I give you this video. Its preposterous to think back to my youth without including this song.



(The song title to this post also has a fun meaning for my youth. Anyone (besides Cindy) want to guess what it is?)

A few more rants and complaints

Last night I was doing absolutely nothing unusual on my computer when suddenly got the blue screen of death. This would be my brand new computer I bought at Black Friday just 7 weeks ago. And now suddenly my laptop is on its way back to HP to be replaced. My brand fricking new computer is getting replaced. Why? "Bad series number." That's what they told me. HP knows full well they manufactured a defective series of computers. They knew I owned one, they even knew my address and phone number when I called. And yet they were not proactive about contacting the customers to get these problems fixed. No, they wait until we have our documents, music, and photographs on our computers, and then let us just them lose it all when our computers inevitably crash.
Needless to say I am pissed.
Hopefully my old dinosaur of a laptop (that has major issues, which is why i bought the new laptop in the first place) will hold up until the new computer arrives in 7-9 business days. Let's not forget that my full-time job and my freelance work all depend on me having a laptop!

Now for my next rant.
The housing market in Utah (and everywhere) royally sucks right now (no matter what the realtor assn commercials say). Houses are losing value and not selling everywhere you look. This had had an interesting effect on the rental market. First it means that there are a lot of people in danger of losing their homes, or can't afford their payments, who are now attempting to rent out their homes. It also means that there are a lot of investor/speculator homes that are having trouble getting flipped and resold or rented out. Which means there are a larger than usual number of homes for rent available. There's also an interesting scenario playing out in the corporate owned apartment complexes. Those rentals are being heavily affected by the bad economy, and are raising their rent (but then again, don't they always?).
My lease is up in a few weeks. I just got the notice that my rent will be going up a mere $90 if I choose to stay. If I choose to go month to month, it goes up $160. I have no interest in staying and I have been actively looking for a new home. I currently live in a 1 bedroom, 600 sq ft apartment, with some decent amenities. For the amount my landlord wants me to pay on the month-to-month rent, I could also rent a 3 bedroom, 2 car garage, 2000 sq ft home with a nice fenced in yard. Hmm.
I have looked around and narrowed in on a few houses that I really like. I have my heart set on one house that I have checked out and met with the owner about. Last week I told him I was 90% certain I wanted it, and to not give it to anyone else without talking to me first. On Tuesday I called him and left a message saying I wanted to talk about a move-in date. He didn't call back. So on Wednesday I called again, but didn't leave a message. I called again on Thursday and left a message. He still hasn't called back.
Grr...
So I decided it was time to start exploring my backup options. There are 3 homes in the same neighborhood as the house I really want that are all managed by the same company. House A is a small 2 br, no basement, 2 car garage, roughly 1200 sq ft for X+$200. House B is 4 bedrooms, unfinished basement, 2 car garage, 2000 sq ft for X+$100. And House C? 3 bedrooms, 2 car garage, unfinished basement, 2000 sq ft, for X.
Makes no sense, right?
Oh and all 3 houses (4 houses if you count the first house I want) have been on the rental market since before Thanksgiving.
So I call the management agency about the 3 houses. I am interested in Houses B and C, but not so much in House A. The manager was a total butt!! First, he gives me this whole runaround about how if I'm not looking to move until Feb 20th than I should wait and not call him till Feb 10th because "his houses are moving really fast, and they won't be on the market that long." UM NOT THAT LONG?? Just since November!
And let's not forget the part where there are 17 houses either for sale or for rent in this fairly small neighborhood. Trust me, the market is in my favor, NOT his!
So I try to explain to him that I want a house and I am willing to come over and pay him a deposit on the house I want today.
He still says no, that these houses are going to move quickly and he's not going to wait till February for me.
I also pointed out that I have to turn in my 30 days notice to my landlord and I want to have a place secured before I do that. He told me that was "my problem" and he couldn't help me there. And to call back Feb 10.
I just hung up I was so annoyed.
Seriously, in this market can a landlord really afford to turn away a customer?? He has 3 houses (at least) in one neighborhood that have been on the rental market for at least 7 weeks and he's going to turn away a customer?? I can understand that he's hoping to find a renter sooner rather than later, but isn't money in hand better than money you may never get otherwise??

Slowly Going Crazy

Okay, I have a quick confession to make (but only because I know my immediate family never reads my blog). I should not have come home to Virginia. When you are under the gun with a major marketing campaign, feeling unreasonable amounts of work stress, questioning your entire career and life goals, and ready to just kick and scream and throw things at the computer monitor, and wanting to just quit your job because this is really not the way you want your life to be, this is NOT the time to have to make nice with family, visit with relatives, not have a car, not have an escape hatch, not have much privacy, disrupt your entire routine, and have a family that thinks it is their personal mission in life to un-addict me from Diet Coke.
That is all. 

Bored and Frustrated

I'm bored and frustrated, as the title bar says. I get this way on Sundays frequently. I have NOTHING to do. No place to go, no one to visit, NOTHING to do. So by the end of Sunday I'm just bored out of my mind and wishing I could just go to sleep and make tomorrow come faster.
Except I have nothing to do all week either. Nothing to get excited for or look forward to. And that frustrates me even more. It's just another week where all I have to do is work. And quite frankly, I'm not supposed to be working as much as I do (I work billable hours, and I'm not supposed to work more than a client is worth). As pathetic as it may seem, I get so bored when I get home from work that I just start working again. And I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with why I burn out so easily.
It's the fact that there is no end in sight to the boredom. I'm stuck in a low finances- high boredom situation that won't be changing any time soon. And I'm not good at this. I'm used to being active and busy and involved in things. But since moving here- NOTHING. Seriously, I've lived here 11 months now, and things aren't getting any better in that department are they? I swear they are actually getting worse.
Don't give me the crap about trying harder and putting myself out there more. Because believe me, I've tried very hard. Maybe it's just time to accept I'm a square peg in a round hole, and I'm never going to feel comfortable here? And maybe it's time to accept that this is what life is like over 30 and single. You just get good at being alone, and always being the gooseberry.
Whatever it is, I hate it right now.

The Trouble With Bookcases Is

I have now lived in my new apartment for two months, as easily measured by the fact that I have to pay my rent for the third time. In the short and busy time I have lived here I have attempted to furnish my empty hole. And for the most part, I have failed in this endeavor. I have managed to buy a small loveseat that is a good starting point. And my friend generously gave me two end tables. I brought with me from Virginia my antique bench and beloved boomerang coffee table.
But that is where the furniture ends.
I am still borrowing a fancy air mattress (double decker with a motor thingy) from a friend. I have no bed. And I have no couch. And I have bookcases, but really wish i didn't.
Twice now I have gone out and purchased bookcases, or at least objects I believed to be bookcases. The first one I got home and assembled and discovered was anything but suitable for holding books. So I sold that quickly off on Craigslist. And then a few weeks ago I bought another bookcase while out shopping with Juli. The first sign of trouble was when it took both of us to lift the box to get it in my car. The next sign was when it sat in my car for 2 weeks until I could talk my cousin into coming over to carry it up the stairs for me. And the third sign of trouble was when I read the assembly instructions and warning that said it may tip over. And there was an extra piece to secure it to the wall to prevent it from falling over.
So I assembled it and realized that in spite of triple tightening the screws and double checking everything, that it was very wobbly. But I got it up and put it by the wall, and chose not to put any books in it. I figured I should give it a few days to see if it was even going to stand on its own. Each night I have gone to bed expecting to be woken up by a tremendous crash.
That was a week ago. When I got back from Reno this weekend and found it still standing, I decided to put books in it. Remembering the warning and extra securing piece, I attempted to first secure it to the wall. That didn't happen when I realized that it's pretty much impossible to get that stupid screw into the bookcase without a precut hole.
So the books went in.
And came right back out.
No sooner did Harry Potter vol 7 go in than the entire bookcase swayed heavily to one side, threatening to decapitate me.
So all of the books quickly came out. And then, the entire bookcase swayed again (though empty) and fell right on over.
Conveniently, it broke in two. So now I have half a bookcase that sort of kind of works as a bookcase. Except that I'm afraid to put anything in it, and the new height doesn't really fit for what I had envisioned in the room. And it doesn't even hold half of my books now.
Back to the drawing board.

Screaming, Kicking and Fighting

Well, Mr. Osbourne, it may not be kidney stones after all.

It is screaming, kicking and fighting that I go into my second weekend of bed rest and fluids. Why am I back on bed rest? Because I wasn't supposed to be off of it in the first place. After being told my kidney stone wasn't a kidney stone and talking to a specialist who wouldn't see me, and being passed around the medical community, I called my own doctor back and demanded someone actually HELP ME NOW. He was confused and said he had to go look up my scans again.
And oops.
Somehow someone somewhere misunderstood the notes. I still have the 2 big word thingys -that wasn't a mistake. But they are fairly insignificant. It's the 20 kidney stones that are the bigger and more painful problem. For reasons unknown, the nurse misread the notes to me and failed to mention the 20 kidney stones. On the "bright side," they are tiny stones that should pass without blockage. But as my doctor so kindly said, "but they are probably still quite painful." I would really like to kick him for that astute observation. Ya think? You think after 8 days of bed rest and percocet I haven't noticed that they hurt???
Treatment? Bed rest, fluids and painkillers. If you know me, you know that just sitting here with nothing to do is just as painful for me as the actual stones themselves.
So seriously, if you have ANY fun "bed rest" activities that I can do while stranded here alone, I'd love some suggestions- websites, downloads, games, ANYTHING. (reading doesn't work so well for me when i'm stoned on the percocet)