Singles Awareness Day

(Reprinted from Meridian Magazine, February 2012)

You didn't think I was going to let February 14 go by without acknowledging the most dreaded day of all singles, did you? Never fear, my single friends, I am here to commiserate with you! I will share my worst experience with you, but in return, I expect to hear your awful stories in the comments below.

I will never forget my worst Valentine's Day ever, but to say that indicates that somewhere along the way I have had a good Valentine's Day. The truth is, even on the years where I had a boyfriend on February 14, I've never had a good, romantic, worthy of recording it in my journal, or even just calling my best friend, kind of day. I've had pretty much nothing but really lousy Valentine's Days. (Unless you count the year I was going through fire-fighting school and I got to rappel down the side of a burning building, getting the best time in my class, as a good day.)

No, I've had some pretty rotten V-days. I'm one of those singles who would prefer to just sleep through the day, never being forced to see all of the people wearing pink and red, carrying flowers and balloons in the hallways at work, while giving cheery answers to questions like, “So do you have any fun Valentine's plans?” No, I plan to be at home watching NCIS and hanging out with my dog, just like I do on most Tuesday nights. The only thing different is this week I won't get to eat Indian take-out while watching TV, because I have to avoid all restaurants at all costs, so as to not be seen alone in my alone-ness. Which is stupid, quite frankly, because, I'm alone in my alone-ness all the time! I go into restaurants and eat alone pretty regularly. But no, once a year, all those gross lovey-dovey people have to go and ruin it for me, and I'm stuck at home eating Lean Cuisine instead.

But back to the worst Valentine's Day ever. I tell you this story at great risk to myself. I have no idea if the man involved will ever read this. I'm going to assume that he doesn't, since he's never told me so (but then, we haven't talked in 16 years, so I don't know that he would. And he probably won't now either). If you just happen to be that man, I hope you too can see the humor in this story now!

I was just barely nineteen at the time. One of those BYU stories of the girl that got engaged just six months out of high school to a guy she had only known a matter of weeks. But of course, not really engaged, just verbally engaged without a ring. Nonetheless, the point is, I had a significant other on Valentine's Day. I had expectations. I had dreams. I had very big plans. After all, we were just recently and verbally agreed to be married! I was owed a diamond! Me and my nineteen years of wisdom knew exactly how this day would play out, and it would end in a hugely, overly romantic love story to tell our grandchildren someday!

Obviously, that didn't happen.

What did happen is he had an exam that day. And I, being a college student with big wedding plans, had taken a temp job working in the BYU on-campus florist. (Exactly why does a university need an on-campus florist, by the way? If not only to further encourage silly college romances?) It was working at my temp job that day that I discovered just how wretched allergies can be, and that I am horribly allergic to many types of flowers. After eight straight hours of flower arranging, and being surrounded by all those (painful) pretty smells, I was in complete misery. However, let's keep it to the obvious facts here. I was also an overly romantic and sentimental mostly verbally engaged nineteen year old in a flower shop on Valentines Day. Do you see where I am going here? I may have actually woken up that morning still a somewhat reasonable person. By the end of my shift making other people's romantic gifts, I was expecting a 12 piece string orchestra, dozens and dozens of roses, a steak dinner, and more than one diamond ring. Wouldn't you?

I spent most of the money I earned that day right there in the florist buying him a gift and having it delivered. It was a teddy bear, a balloon, and some roses that I personally picked out and arranged. Because what red-blooded, American male college student doesn't want a teddy bear, balloon, and roses?

After work I went to my room and primped. For what? I didn't know. I just knew it was Valentine's Day and obviously the man who was verbally committed to giving me a diamond ring was going to be doing something grand. I waited and waited. And my allergies and sinus infection grew worse and worse, not helped by the two dozen roses my roommate had received taking up real estate in our tiny room. Finally my phone rang saying I had a delivery at the front desk. Expecting nothing less than a limousine and other fantastic gestures I ran downstairs.

And picked up another dozen roses some guy had sent my roommate.

I returned to my room, checked my messages to make sure I hadn't missed my beloved's call (I hadn't), and resumed my flights of fancy.

The phone rang again.

I ran back to the front desk.

Where I found the teddy bear, roses, and balloon I had sent my significant other waiting for me. The delivery guy had sent it to the wrong person. Oh and the receipt was still attached. I took the receipt off and had them call the right person. And returned to my room.

I kid you not, I walked in the door and the phone rang again.

Back to the front desk.

Another dozen roses for my roommate.

Where was my roommate you might ask? Out on a date with her boyfriend, who was not the bequeathor of the now four dozen roses in my tiny little dorm room. Also, I was starting to resent my roommate just a little bit. Yes, I had that kind of roommate who just got dozens of roses randomly sent to her by men she barely knew. And yet, I still loved her anyway.

For several more hours I sat there patiently in my room, my head throbbing with a sinus infection, blowing my nose, getting sicker by the minute. It was 10pm before he called.I almost didn't answer it because I was convinced it was going to be the front desk calling with an entire rose garden for my roommate.But it was my mostly betrothed, so I went down to see him, Kleenex and all.

He thanked me for my cute little gift, and told me all about his big exam, and how it had taken all day. He finally noticed I was sick and offered me back the teddy bear I had given him. “The bear? The stupid little bear? I don't want the bear! Just give me my stinking engagement ring!!!” was sloshing with rage through my very congested head.

Did I mention we were in a classroom? We were two car-less college students without a lot of options. A lot of our “dates” were just sitting in empty classrooms or study rooms talking.

So there we were- me with the worst sinus infection in history bubbling out of my nose, and him with that dumb bear I gave him. He finally reaches into his backpack and tells me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I only put out my left hand, palm down. He turned my hand over and put a plastic take out container in it before I opened my eyes.

A frosted sugar cookie.

But not just any frosted sugar cookie. A broken frosted sugar cookie with “Be Mine” iced onto it.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was expecting an engagement ring, and I got a broken cookie.

Did I mention I hate sugar cookies?

He explained it got smashed in his backpack, and the frosting smeared a little bit. Yes, yes, I could see that.

And that, my friends, is the only time, ever, in nearly 20 years of dating, that a significant other has given me something on Valentine's Day. Sure, I've had other boyfriends on that date, but none of them have ever given me something or done anything nice for me on that day.

I've learned my lesson about getting my hopes up, or thinking men are ever on the same page as women when it comes to romantic expectations. But more importantly, I still have hopes. I still think that maybe someday I'm going to have a good February 14. Maybe even have a date on Valentine's Day- wouldn't that be amazing? I still think that in spite of twenty years of not meeting Mr. Right that one day it will finally happen. I won't be waking up on Valentine's Day thinking the floral delivery truck is going to be in my driveway with roses from a mysterious admirer. But I do think that maybe someday I will meet a guy who will give me a rose or dozen. (In 20 years of dating, it has only happened once.) I'm not ready to give up yet.

But until then, I'm avoiding all restaurants and public places on the day I am convinced was designed to make single women feel bad about themselves.

Are you with me? Share your “Singles Awareness Day” stories with me!

ALL of my books are FREE on Amazon Kindle Feb 13-17, 2014! Don't miss your chance to download them today!

You Heard It Here First (book 1 in the Haley and Cam Series)

This Just In! (book 2 in the Haley and Cam Series)

The Agency: a biographical workplace novella

Cry Uncle! (and buy my books!)

Almost exactly one year after I begged for mercy and declared a personal hiatus from life, I'm doing it again.
No more job hunting- or at least not active and aggressive job hunting. There are a few leads still out there and I will continue to follow through with those. And if a great opportunity finds me, I'll pursue it. But otherwise, my ego, psyche, and broken, jaded, little heart need a break.
This hiatus comes as a huge relief for me and gives me the personal mental freedom I need to make other commitments and move on. There are other opportunities and options around me that I have not taken advantage of because I was always afraid that I might be about to accept a job and move away.
And so it is I cry uncle, and move on in a different direction with my life.
I don't regret this. If anything it comes with a great deal of relief. I'd rather be happy with what I have- or work to be happy with what I have- than always be telling myself I could do better if others would just let me. I prefer to be the one who determines my own happiness!
Just 48 hours into this decision and I've already looked at plane tickets for another humanitarian vacation, made inquiries into musical activities, and joined a dance class for adults. See? Already happier and more active!
And... I've already started to work on a brand new book (as well as continue working on Book 3 in the Haley and Cam series, "Coming Up Next").
Which reminds me! The final section of Book 2, "This Just In," will be ready sometime next week. (The full book will also be sold as one unit starting next week too.) Have you read parts 1-3 yet?
(PS- Does anyone use iTunes/iBooks for buying/downloading books? I haven't had any request that I make my books available that way, but I'm curious if I should.) (Also, if you haven't checked out Smashwords.com yet as a way to find and purchase books, I highly recommend it!)

You Heard It Here First (Book 1)
From the moment girl-next-door Haley McAdams met America's Favorite News Reporter Camden Morrison, her life hasn't been the same. Suddenly she has everything she ever wanted- love, money, and career success. But can she handle the pressures that come with it? One day she's a financial blogger, the next, a TV expert on a political scandal. Her on-air epiphanies and liberated writing style have landed some powerful men in hot water, and there are consequences to pay. Just as her career takes off, so does her love life. But the memories of her past make it hard to accept the good things around her. Is her rich and famous boyfriend the real reason for her new success? Does he really love her? Or does he have an ulterior motive too? Haley is a good girl from a loving family and traditional values, but she knows her way around the world of finance and politics. She may be virtuous, but she is not naïve. And if there is one thing she has learned, it is that the love of money is the root of all evil.

Kindle: $3.99
Paperback: $7.99
Nook: $3.99
Smashwords/iTunes: $3.99 

This Just In! (Book Two, Part One)
Haley Jo McAdams has found the love of her life in Camden Morrison. She's landed her dream job, and fame and fortune are hers for the taking. Her life reads like the perfect modern-day fairy tale. She's never been happier and life has never been better.
But just as the starbursts and fairy dust begin to settle, the fireworks and explosions begin. Long-distance relationships are never easy,  especially when they cross international time zones, and involve the paparazzi.
Just when Haley thinks she has it all figured out, scandals, pirates, and a kidnapping turn her life upside down.
Is her life a fairy tale or a complete nightmare?
Kindle: $1.99
Nook: $1.99

This Just In! (Book 2, Part 2)
When we last left Haley and Cam, Cam had endured and succeeded in a very tense first meeting with Haley's father. The couple had discussed marriage, but Haley began to have doubts.
Big questions are resolved, but as Haley learns, life goes on, and more questions are always asked!
Kindle: $1.99

Nook: $1.99

This Just In! (Book 2, Part 3)
No good deed goes unpunished! For every good thing that happens for Haley and Cam, something worse seems to follow. Cam's reputation and career are on the line. His family's dirty laundry is out for everyone to see. Should Haley defend her man or defend her own reputation?
Kindle: $1.99
Nook: $1.99

This book is well read in bathrooms

 

My book finally arrived at my house today! To say I'm a little bit excited to finally be holding my very own book in my very own hands would be an understatement. Its a difficult feeling to describe what it is like to have that physical, tangible proof of all your hard work and your imagination put together. I love the way the cover turned out! And I'm just so dang happy to have my book here!!

I got the following email from an old friend today. It made me laugh till I cried- which was much needed, I might add. There's been a little heartbreak around these parts this week. While one dream came true with the book, another one fell apart. I know I'll pick up the pieces and survive. But it was a heartache I didn't expect and thought I would never have to deal with again. But life goes on (eventually). Until then- ice cream! (And the pursuit of "perfect week!")

The email- 

"You need to know that because of your book, my family thinks that I have a stomach virus. Is it my fault that taking extended time in the bathroom is the only way I am going to get through this book and see what happens to Haley???? Granted sitting on Spencer's step stool is starting to really get uncomfortable, may have to look into 'reorganizing the closet' as my next excuse to get more reading done!!!"

Don't miss my new novel, "You Heard It Here First!" on Amazon, Nook, and Kindle!

The Love Languages

Let's talk about the 5 Love Languages. Are you familiar with them already? In case you are not, here is a very quick recap of the book-
Each person has a "love language"- the way they show love, and the way they receive love.
The love languages are-
Words of Affection
Physical Affection
Gift Giving/Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service

These are pretty straightforward (I think). If you want to know more about your personal love language, go check out www.5lovelanguages.com. I'm a big believer that relationships that were once successful that eventually fail or burn out, really fail because the couple didn't understand each other's love languages. That may be overstating things or underestimating many things, but that is how strongly I feel about understanding your own and your partner's love languages.
Lately I have really come to understand and appreciate the love languages more than ever before. They don't just apply in romantic relationships. They apply within families, with friends, and in romance. I've really started to appreciate how love languages within a family can color our expectations in others as well.
For instance-
We have a family story about one of my aunts who in her newlywed years got sick. While she was praying to the porcelain gods, her new husband came in to "help" her - by shutting the bathroom door. She was used to her father (my grandfather) who was a prime example of "words of affection" and "quality time." He was the kind of father who would sit and hold his daughter's hair as she hung over a toilet. Her new husband? Not so much. My aunt was convinced her new husband didn't love her because he didn't do what her father would have done for her.
Another example-
My grandfather and my father are both "words of affection" types. No woman ever entered a room without my grandfather stopping the conversation to point her out and how well she looked. I'm sure each of my cousins and aunts reading this are smiling to themselves because they know I am right. He would always stop a conversation, hold out his hand to display her, and say, "Doesn't she just light up a room? Isn't she just lovely?" You could be having the worst hair day of your life, and my grandfather could still make you feel like the prettiest girl in the state. My dad has also inherited this trait. While he may not stop conversations to pay compliments, he still loves to send notes or letters of affection. I can't think of one important, or even semi-important event in my life where my dad didn't send me a little note, card, text, or email of support and love first.
A girl can get spoiled with all those words of affection!
But then a girl grows up, enters the harsh cruel world of dating, and discovers not every guy in this world speaks "words of affection." And she'll spend the rest of her life trying to figure out what love language he does he speak, and trying to accept it.
But like I said, the love languages are much more than just about romantic relationships. I've learned that with "Little" it is all about giving her quality time, and gift giving. She doesn't care if I give her 5 minutes or 5 hours worth of time, as long as all the time I give her is just about her. Also, it doesn't hurt to attempt to buy her love with little presents. I've also noticed she LOVES to give me little presents that she makes.
I know that I have inherited the "acts of service" love language from my mother. I can't even count how many times she has gone out of her way to come over and do something for me. Or how every summer when I'd go off to camp I'd come home to find she had redecorated my bedroom (new paint, linens, everything). Or how she'll stay up all night to paint, or sew, or fix something for you. Service is her love language. And as you can see from my test scores above, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
(I actually have to laugh at "quality time" versus "acts of service." To be honest, I barely know the difference between the two things. If you have someone's time, you should be doing something good with it!)

So my question to you, gentle readers, is this-
When you encounter someone in your life who speaks a very different love language from yours, have you been able to adapt and accept their language and feel fulfilled? Have you ever been able to change your ways and show love in their language to their satisfaction? Or have you ever been able to receive someone else's love language and feel happy? (By that I mean, be able to believe/trust/accept their way of showing love and actually feeling loved.)

I truly love studying and understanding the love languages in different relationships. I'd love to hear your feedback on what you think and how you have seen them applied.

    

Show me the love!

Just how bad I look and feel (see those feverish red cheeks? they burn!) after getting shots today. And lucky me, I'm getting every last one of the potential side effects so far!

I wrote that little column I write on single life and dating this week. This week's topic? Online MEETING, and don't call it dating. Comments on the site are moderated, and the editors are out of town. So I'm secretly enjoying not seeing my comments yet. I know they will get read and approved in a few days, but until then, it is nice not knowing how many people disagree with me.

In other news, I had a legendary sleepwalking experience this week. This time I managed to get up, find my laptop, turn it on, type in my password on a broken keyboard, log in to a website, look someone up, and send them an email - all in my sleep! The best part? The email I sent was amazingly coherent and logical. And the message my subconscious needed to send was, "I was right and you were wrong." I'm pretty sure that says something about me, but I'm not going to dwell too much on what. 

Now, I need your help and a little love. Can you help a girl out? Pretty please?!

I have these other two blogs- Jobs by Erin and Cutting Back and Going Green. They need more love and traffic. Can you help me out and maybe, possibly, put a link to one of them on your blog or on Facebook? These two sites are how I make a little extra money while I'm looking for a job still. Any little bumps to them are greatly appreciated! 

Show me the love!

I wrote that little column I write on single life and dating this week. This week's topic? Online MEETING, and don't call it dating. Comments on the site are moderated, and the editors are out of town. So I'm secretly enjoying not seeing my comments yet. I know they will get read and approved in a few days, but until then, it is nice not knowing how many people disagree with me.

In other news, I had a legendary sleepwalking experience this week. This time I managed to get up, find my laptop, turn it on, type in my password on a broken keyboard, log in to a website, look someone up, and send them an email - all in my sleep! The best part? The email I sent was amazingly coherent and logical. And the message my subconscious needed to send was, "I was right and you were wrong." I'm pretty sure that says something about me, but I'm not going to dwell too much on what. 

Now, I need your help and a little love. Can you help a girl out? Pretty please?!

I have these other two blogs- Jobs by Erin and Cutting Back and Going Green. They need more love and traffic. Can you help me out and maybe, possibly, put a link to one of them on your blog or on Facebook? These two sites are how I make a little extra money while I'm looking for a job still. Any little bumps to them are greatly appreciated! 

And that's all I have to say about that.

An exploding bed is a sure sign of a difficult day to come.
But really, my bad day started yesterday when my bank had yet again screwed up, and my account was still on hold for fraud that never happened. If that isn't going to start a tizzy, I don't know what will.
I thought I got over it after dinner when a waitress was so talented and great that I left her a 100% tip and a comment card declaring her the best waitress ever. Because if great customer service in the form of several large Diet Cokes isn't enough to get out out of a tizzy, what will?
Then I went to bed. And then I woke up to the Great Bed Explosion of 2008. And really, an exploding bed, followed by a night on a camping cot, is never a good sign.
I finally got back to sleep around 5:30 a.m. To say I wasn't raring to go when my alarm went off would be the understatement of the century. The first thing I heard was a radio commercial for one of my clients. I was absolutely convinced that this was nothing more than a bad dream where I was vividly dreaming about clients and work. I turned over in my camping cot and went back to sleep. I woke up half an hour later to hear an interview with another client. Again, it took little imagination to believe I was still in a nightmare where I can't escape work. I went back to sleep. And then I heard the traffic and weather report that told me I had overslept by nearly an hour.
At this point I required a Diet Coke. A VERY BIG DIET COKE. On my way to work I stopped to get the sweet nectar of the gods at my local Maverick. I got all the way to my desk before discovering that the coke fountain thinger was out of syrup and I had a very disgusting very big Diet Coke.
By the time I got to work I was in a full-blown asthma attack thanks to the pouring rain. My inhaler was safely left in my bathroom top drawer at home where I will never lose it.
From there on out, it was just a really frustrating day for a variety of boring work reasons. Oddly enough, not one of them being related to the radio commercials that didn't quite wake me up. There was also a rather auspicious moment during the day that required me to wash chairs in the shower. We (we being the fantabulous ladies I work with) all agreed that I have officially taken one for the team today.
And then some really lame people actually criticized me for a joke they didn't get. Like it is somehow my fault they have no sense of humor.
And that's all I have to say about that.

Enlightenment- Moving at the Speed of Life

Several times lately I have heard old friends and family say to me that I am back in my element, or in the right place, or that I sound like the old me again. They almost all seem to be laughing when they say it, and I almost always sound exhausted or overwhelmed in the conversation.
It's a good feeling. But wow, I have no idea where this energy all comes from. Or where it used to come from. Or how to make sure I keep it.
If all goes well, I'm getting furniture next week sometime (um, I'll be in touch Laurie). And I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for a real bed. I need my sleep these days, and this broken air mattress and I are not getting along well.

Film Festival Widget

If you-
a) are into indy films and want to encourage people to buy or watch them,
b) are curious what a social networker does all day at work,
c) want to look cool by putting a widget on your own blog,
d) want to be my new BFF, support me in my new job, or
e) all of the above

I proudly present you with Widget #Uno. The Film Festival Widget.




Feel free to utilize the share button frequently.

What is the point of Widget #Uno? To encourage people to watch the trailers, BUY THE DVD's, and create awareness of this very cool curated box set of DVDs. If documentaries are not your thing, give me a day or two, and I will have widgets for family, foreign, and drama indy films. All movies are film festival award winners.