Back in the Saddle Again

Aunt Nadine and Uncle Paul with most of their nieces, great-nieces, and a few great-great nieces that were at the funeral. Not even close to half of all the girls in our family. Aunt Nadine is our remaining living great aunt (out of 9, I think). 

This may be the longest I have ever gone without blogging- 9 whole days. 

Granted, they have been 9 very long, emotional, and often overwhelming days. 

You'll forgive me, won't you? 

My grandmother's funeral was quite lovely. It was wonderful and enjoyable to spend so much close time with my immediate and extended families. All but 4 of my first cousins were able to be there. I think that's the most that have all been together at once in close to 20 years, maybe longer. 

I'm back home at my own place now. My immediate family has all dispersed back to their own homes. I honestly have no idea what comes next career or life-wise. Stay? Go? Get another office job? Write full-time? Move? Return to Roanoke? Renew my lease? Get a roommate? 

There are a dozen questions, none of which are easy to answer, and few to no answers so far. 

I'm taking things one day at a time. And when the smoke clears and things are less overwhelming (I anticipate this may happen by Monday morning, but then again, maybe not), I'll start to formulate a plan. 

I'm feeling very loved and blessed these days. As complicated and overwhelming as things should be, I've been very much at peace. I'm scared about my future, don't get me wrong. But confident and faithful that things will work out. I just have no idea what the end picture will look like when it does all get worked out. 

Bear with me as we go through another major life transformation - again.

Calm the Child

Last week I had the incredible opportunity to go hear the Dalai Lama speak at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. For me, this was "bucket list level" cool. I greatly admire the Dalai Lama and his teachings of peace and cooperation.
Speaking of Christians, he said, "To think that you were created by God means that you also have a spark of God within you."
This is, of course, a teaching I know and have heard many times before. We believe we are created in His image, and we are His children.
These last few weeks have been hard. There have been trials, tests, gifts, and experiences I never anticipated, nor am I at liberty to share yet. But never before have those words meant so much to me. "you also have a spark of God within you."
It is when things are at their scariest and toughest that we must turn and remember these things.
And I know I need to remember it more often.

Family Fertilizer

A little cousin at the funeral this past week. He's reading the headstone of what is probably his 6th great uncle.

Blast From the Past- Making Family Fertilizer (also known as, "your family has rules about who can be buried in the cemetery??") Originally posted in August 2007!

So you think your family has issues? Allow me to introduce you to my family and our by-laws. Yes, my family has by-laws. Not just any bylaws. We have by-laws on how and who can be buried in the family cemetery. And according to the new rules, I am not eligible.

Let’s start at the beginning. And by beginning I mean 3 generations back when my great-great grandfather had five children and one mountain in Southern Virginia. Those five children went on to produce nearly 2,000 descendants, with over 1,600 currently living (no polygamy for us, thank you very much!), most of whom still live in Southern Virginia. And on that mountain there is a cemetery which is rapidly filling up with my gene pool.

While a family cemetery on the family mountain sounds quaint, there's a little problem. They only built a cemetery with space for another 355 people. But we have over 1,600 warm bodies waiting to get in, so a few rules were set. First, “double stacking” will now be implemented in the future. Double-stacking?Yes, it’s what it sounds like. Forget six feet under, we’re going ten feet under. We’re getting deep dirt for doubles. When you signed up to marry that person till “death do we part,” you are no longer getting a reprieve with death. You are will now be buried in the same spot, one on top of the other. This isn’t walking side-by-side through life (or death). This is a king-sized grave, tag-team resting place. An all you can eat worm buffet. Shared family footage. Tomb sharing. An eternal time share, if you will. The eternal double-decker bus. It’s not just kicking the bucket, it’s kicking the barrel. When it’s your turn to buy a pine condo, expect to sleep in the basement.

But even with double-stacking we’re still short on space for everyone to take a dirt nap. So we’re building a vault and encouraging cremation. Family members without a spouse to be their eternal sleeping partner are encouraged to consider cremation and be placed in the vault. The family that couldn’t let me forget I wasn’t married in this life now won’t let me forget it in death either. Can’t you just see it now? A whole shelf in the family vault dedicated to all the single cousins, maybe even in matching urns, taking up as little space as possible. I picture a shelf in the back with a marble plaque hanging over our urns, reading, “Did not find happiness in this life,” or maybe, “Did not return with honor,” or “Couldn’t find a date for the big dance so she’s here with her cousin.”

How will I explain that one when I finally meet my eternal companion in heaven? “Sorry, but I’m here with my cousin. We weren’t kissing cousins until after we died. Now I can’t shake the guy.”

(I have put in a request that I be placed in a lovely cement vase with daisies placed in it. If I’m going to be cremated and put on a shelf, I still want to push up daisies! Preferably next to Colette, Michelle and Mark. I think we could have fun raising a little hell together.)

Now let’s say that, sadly, a child dies. Will the child be doomed to eternal damnation on the Singles’ Shelf? Stuck on a shelf all alone? No. They may be buried in a triple-stacker arrangement with their parents. (If you are suddenly and inexplicably craving Wendy’s, you are not alone. Just sick in the head.)

Even with all of these arrangements there are still a few more rules you must comply with for a place in the Ferguson Family Bus to St. Peter’s. All of the obvious rules- such as your headstone must be made out of one of the approved types of stone. Graves will be assigned by the Family Trustees, because apparently we have Family Trustees. No reservations or dibs may be called in advance. And last but not least, you have to be current on your family dues. Yes, family dues. Apparently birthright and bloodline just isn’t good enough around here. Now you have to pay to be in my family. (I haven’t paid my dues. Ever.)

2 Funerals, 1 Wedding, Easter, and Lots of Babies

Last night my cousin K-A and I went out for a little girl talk and cousin time. We had many things to catch up on, including lots of major family events coming up soon. Our great aunt passed away last week, and her funeral will be next weekend. This will not be a sad funeral, but a happy one. She was quite old and ill, and missed her husband who passed away many years ago. Our conversation turned to laughter as we talked about everything and anything (which is how our great aunt would want it). Eventually she said, "Is it bad that I look forward to funerals because they always turn into fun family reunions?"
The more I think about it, the more I realize she is right. While I hate funerals, and I do truly hate them, (I have been to way too many of them), I can't help but agree with her. Sometimes the "not sad" funerals really are just wonderful days. I love getting to see all of my cousins at an event where we are all just there to love and support each other.
But before my aunt's funeral I will also attend my friend's funeral. And while I will try to be happy she isn't sick anymore, it will be a sad funeral. My heart is just completely broken for her. This will be the third (and fourth) funeral I will attend at Easter time. Several years ago one of my best friends died on Easter morning. I admittedly have not been a big fan of the holiday ever since. It just brings up too many emotions for me.
This whole month will be full of emotional life events- funerals, births, and a wedding. That's a lot of conflicting emotions to process at the same time! There's a loud voice in my head saying, "Yes, but it is also Easter, and the peace that comes from the Gospel. Let that be the overriding emotion!" And I want it to. I will try very hard to let that be the focus- my knowledge of the gift of the Resurrection, knowledge of the Gospel, Atonement, and the blessings that come from knowing and accepting that I am a Child of God.

So Long My Friend

A friend of mine passed away today.
I'm not really sure where to begin. My heart and head are full of so many emotions right now. I feel like a terrible friend. I didn't know she was even sick. I hadn't paid enough attention to her Facebook posts in a long time. I only found out she was sick a few hours before she passed away because of someone else's Facebook status.
When I had originally logged in to Facebook it was to post a whiny rant about a medical issue I have been dealing with. I'm sick and tired of my situation, and am ready to go public with it, in hopes that maybe someone out there will have some clues or leads for me. But just as I was about to post it I saw my other friend's status about our ailing mutual friend. I never did post my own status and immediately began to think about my sick friend.
Learning how sick she was suddenly put my own problems into perspective. (her liver was very sick, and she did not qualify for a transplant. She thought she had up to 2 years to live, but within days of the diagnosis she took a turn for the worst. She went into the hospital on Monday, and passed away on Wednesday.)
Yes, I have a significant medical problem. Yes, I still need to see a specialist. But no matter how bad we think we have it, there is someone else out there who will have it worse. Tonight my heart goes out to the teenage daughter she left behind, and all the friends that will miss her. I can think of dozens of times she was a listening ear and confidante for me. And I can think of dozens of times I wasn't a good enough friend for her.
But I also have dozens of happy memories tucked in my heart I can pull out and remember tonight. I had a conversation with her in my heart tonight. I want to make it to her funeral very much. I owe her that. She was a very social person, and I know how much it would mean to her to have tons of friends at her funeral. And I want to think that when she looks down from Heaven on her funeral that she will see a room full of love all for her. I don't have details yet on when or where the service will be. But I do know that if it is very soon I will have difficulty making the arrangements to travel with my family visiting, finances, etc. And I had that conversation with her in my heart, and I could loudly hear what she would say to me about what my priorities should be. And I could hear her loudly telling me to stop being stupid and get my medical situation checked up on, and to stop wasting my time.
She was always a great cheerleader for me. The kind of friend that even when I wasn't the best kind of friend to her, she remained loyal and loving to me.
So long my dear sweet Serena. I will miss you. And I will see you again. But until then I will find it in my heart to be grateful that you have escaped the limitations of your mortal body. And I promise to help make sure your children are okay. I know you would do the same for me.