I'm no Runaway Bride

When I was in high school this popular "Mormonad" hung in my bedroom for years. It's probably the reason I love daisies far more than roses. I don't know that I really learned the lesson it was trying to teach until the past few years though.

I watched [most of] the movie "Runaway Bride" again today. (Netflix keeps me entertained while I attempt to work and write from home.) The underlying point of the movie is that the "bride" (played by Julia Roberts) doesn't know what it is she likes, and just goes along with her fiance's preferences. She supposedly doesn't know herself well enough to have strong preferences, all the way down to how she likes to eat eggs (she always takes it the same way her fiance does).

I didn't finish the movie. I never liked it much. There's something about it that just doesn't sit right with me. It doesn't take a psychotherapist to figure out why.

I once had a guy/relationship candidate/possible ex-boyfriend tell me that it bothered him how I "stalked" him by liking all the same things he liked. Apparently it never occurred to him that we really did just like a lot of the same things. (See, for me, that was the appeal of the possible relationship. We had a lot in common. For him it was creepy that we were so alike. Go figure.)

One of those things that we had in common was a love for all things superhero and sci-fi tv/movies. As I watched "Runaway Bride" today I also texted several girlfriends to see who might be game for going to the DC comic con with me - while I wore this shirt-

Which got me to thinking about my collection of superhero t-shirts (that I've had long before I ever met that guy)-

(I have about 10 more shirts I don't have pictures of myself in.)

But possibly the best proof ever that I loved the Justice League and all things sci-fi long before I loved men-

Yeah baby, that's the 4 year old me getting R2D2, and Spider-Woman Underoos for Christmas. 

And this dude has been hanging out on my desk for 8 years now.

So let it be known. I'm no "Runaway Bride." I know who I am. I know what I like. 

(And there's a long list of ex-boyfriends who wished I didn't like country music as much as I do as proof!)

I'll see y'all at Comic Con!

Pie Chart of My Brain

Do you ever have so many things on your mind that you have to make a list of them so you don't forget what you were thinking about? It's not even a to-do list. It's just a list of things to think on? Or is that just me?
Well, there you have it. That's my life right now. There are tons of things to think about, but not that much going on. Well, nothing beyond the usual activities that is. But my brain is on overload with things to contemplate.  I think having so many things to think about is the result of not thinking about dating/love/one particular man.
I'm a serial monogamist, but I take it even one step further. I can't get over or give up a guy until the next one comes along. Even if the relationship is dead and gone, I tend to not move on until there is something to move on to. The heart and mind are willing and open, but something has to occupy my thoughts until there is something new to think about.
But this time it is slightly different. I'm not even sure if I have ever successfully done it before. And the odd part is that I don't know that I am over the last one. Nonetheless, my thoughts have moved on. And the pie chart that is my brain suddenly has wedges for dozens of other topics, of which he is only a very small sliver. (He used to be a very large piece of the pie chart.)
So behold, Gentle Readers of the Internet, the inner workings of my mind for the past hour-

Inside the mind of ErinandJuli

The following are almost all of the posts my BFF Jules has left on my Facebook page in the past few months.

And what did I leave on her Facebook page?

I'm sensing a theme here...
And glad I have a BFF who gets me. 

Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

Photoshop lies. Guidebooks lie.

I was looking at pictures of Cambodia on Pinterest today, and found myself a bit confused. One scene seemed familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. I had to do a little bit of research to figure out what the picture was of before I recognized it.
Let it be known, this is a post about how guide books and Photoshop lie.
What I found on Pinterest (and Flickr)-

Looks pretty and inviting, no? (Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pixfrix/page2/)

Here's what it looked like when I was there-

 (ahem, I'd like to add that I've lost 15 lbs since this pic was taken. also, i was hours away from the worst illness of my entire life. but really, i admit i looked this bad.)

Photoshop lies. Guidebooks lie.

Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money?

I saw this today-

And naturally it made me think of this-

And then obviously I couldn't help but think of this-

And while getting happily sucked in to the internet looking for just the right Calvin strip, I discovered this-

That would be Calvin and Susie fanfic. Yes, it exists.
And that's when I decided to get off the internet and go do something else with my life.

You can laugh if you want to

Earlier today something a little insulting happened to me. I realized at the time that once the sting wears off of it, I'll find it funny. But first, I had to find my sense of humor again. And I just wasn't in the mood. While sitting here stewing about my bad mood I came across this absolute gem on YouTube. And suddenly, everything is hilarious.

(I miss my dear sweet Kara, Sionnie, and Emilie that I lived with in Cambodia, who are all from Oz. There's something about knowing some Australians that make it that much funnier to me. I love their nonchalant attitude about everything. I should move to Australia.)

So what was the big insulting thing?
I got offered a job.
But not just any job!
The store I've been working at offered me a job after a high schooler quit this week. I've never been so proud. All those years of professional marketing experience, college, and working hard to be the best at my little minimum wage retail job, and I am now qualified to REPLACE A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT!
On one hand- I got a job offer in 2011! Yeah me!
On the other hand- seriously??
In case it doesn't sound insulting enough, let me also explain that for the second week in a row I didn't get paid due to an HR error. Stand on your feet all day, working holiday retail, for pennies, killing your back, all just to make an honest buck, then you don't even get paid, and then they offer you the chance to replace a high school student.
You can be insulted, get depressed, whatever you want. Or you can just laugh at the absurdity of the situation, right?
In the same week I managed to write a piece that got syndicated by a well-respected publication and got picked up for reproduction by another well-respected authority AND I got offered the chance to replace a high school student in a cashier job.
I'd rather just laugh. And watch that clip again.

Awesome Conversations with my Awesome Little Cousin

Me: Are you excited for Santa to come this week?
Awesome Little Cousin, age 6: YES!!!
Me: What is he going to bring you?
Her: A PUPPY!!!
Commence wild 6 yr old hopping up and down as she describes puppies.
Her father overhears this from a distance and steps in to intervene: What did we discuss about how Santa doesn't bring puppies?
Her: I LOVE PUPPIES!
Him: Santa doesn't bring puppies. Santa brings toys.
I change the subject: Did you write a letter to Santa?
Her: No, I don't know his address to mail it to him.
Me: Oh, well that's easy. You just write "North Pole" on it, and the mail man will take it there.
Her (bewildered): But how will he know which house is Santa's?
Me (bewildered): The mail man just knows.
Her: My mail man knows where Santa lives and can go there?
Me: Um, yes! 
Her: My mail man is really smart! (pause) But I don't know how to write a letter.
Me: I bet your big brother will help you.
(He's home from college.)
Her: He will!!
He hears this and comes over to join us.
Her: Erin Ann says you can help me write a letter to Santa to ask for a puppy!
Wait, that is so not what I said.
Him: No, remember, Santa doesn't bring puppies. Santa can only bring toys that he or the elves make. Santa can't make puppies, puppies make puppies.
Very sad face.
Me: If Santa can't bring you a puppy, you can come over to my house any time you want and play with my dog, okay?
Her (light bulb going off): Wait, where did you get your dog?
Me: Umm...
Her: We'll just tell Santa where to get puppies and then he can bring me one!!
Six year old logic. You cannot beat it.

Worst ad in a very long time

I can't be the only girl who looked at this ad and thought, "Is that a...? And you want to give me one more free night of that? No thank you!"
I'm pretty sure they mean for it to be a feather, maybe? I really can't tell. All I can see is a tamp0n. And no, I don't want to reserve one for the weekend.

Voice to Text Translation

By now everyone has heard of Da*n You Auto Correct, right? Well it is time someone started a sister site for voicemail to text translation fails!!
Both my parents and I have this little service on our phones. Today my dad sent me this gem of the text version of a voicemail I left him- 
"Hi I was trying to tell you that I finally booked my flight to Salt Lake. I'm laughing because I booked them out of place price lines of course they told her you know multiple airport they could take me out of it when it birds and hang out of Dallas. It was ridiculously expensive and I couldn't get a flight so I booked it yet was like alright we'll just try my life and see what happened if I stay out of round up in Charlottesville Lynchburgand all that and it took me out of Charlottesville. I live in Charlottesville, Dallas and Dallas nonstop in Salt Lake which actually think about it think about it. The return flight in Salt Lake to Dallas nonstop and then I booked four hours a way over at Dallas vote for my return flight to salt to Charlottesville. I can show it so tell to go in effect minute. Anyway, kind of funny if you think about it. Four hour lay over in Dallas for the 2 Hour Dr. to me.


Which is funny and all, but it doesn't hold a candle to this one left by who knows who on my voicemail this week- 
In. It's like air and pricing off the phone with a neophyte my name very this toll free number 88888971% Nell that's. So yeah man, it's not this. It was the call. Thank you. He. 


But my favorite is a message my sister left me this week-
Oh hey Aaron Scott you shot Paul. Oh my it. I'm I'm on my way to Warren off there and I've got windows down, but any area until later and then it wouldn't let me answer row I guess I'll talk to you manager. Bye. 




This is why I don't do voicemail, people. Send me a text!!

Actual conversation

The Setting- 6 pm, thunder, lightning, and rain.
Place- Our basement apartment

Sister- I'm going to go ride my horse for an hour.
Me- You know it is raining, right?
Sister- Yeah, it should be fun.
Me- So I take it we're not having a movie date in 30 minutes?
Sister- No, but we will later. Don't start it without me.
Me- You should bring ice cream home with you to make it up to me.
Sister- Okay. And pickles. See you later.

Actual conversation

Older, mature, gray haired, grandmotherly saleslady: You want to be sure to latch your bra like this, it gives you more torque...  Obviously my breasts are store bought. [points] Right off that rack over there!

Apparently Victoria's secret is torque!