Mr. Darcy is not born, ladies, he is made.

Folks, if you have not yet discovered the incredible wonderfulness that is Verily magazine, I highly encourage you go go discover them now. Good, clean, interesting articles for real women on a variety of subjects from fashion to careers to relationships. And written with a more Christian and conservative point of view than any other publication I have ever found.

Be sure to check out today's article, "Gentlemen Speak: A Gentleman in Progress. Are men completely out of touch with how to treat a lady? Well, one of them has given us an answer! http://bit.ly/17aYdOp".

My favorite quote, "No boy is born opening doors or laying his jacket across puddles for his sisters and girlfriends. A boy doesn’t naturally keep his word or forbear a slight when an excuse or a score settled is within easy reach. All those things we might call virtues, and good manners must be learned. But to be learned they must be taught, and that requires first of all that they are esteemed. So you’ll immediately see our predicament: Mr. Darcy is not born, ladies, he is made."

Malleable

Today a friend told me that she thinks I've been single and independent so long (too long) that I would probably never be able to settle down, partner up, and be happy with another person. The friend that said it knows me somewhat well, but probably not all that well, at the same time. She knows something aspects of my life, but not much about my past, or friends outside of Roanoke.
This is not a new remark. I think most singles hear it a few times after a certain age. And don't get me wrong, I do think that after a certain amount of time living alone and getting set in your ways, it does become harder and harder to integrate your life with another person's.
But the keyword here is "set in your ways."
This may be the thing that has been the most complicated and frustrated aspect of unemployment and aloneness these last few years. I don't have the luxury of getting set in my ways. I live in someone else's house. The dishes are not where I would like them to go. The couch and the TV are not where I would put them either. I have no control over any of the decor. I have little to no control over my future right now. I'm at the mercy of others in far too many ways. I can only wish I was getting set in my ways. I live for that day to come and happen to me again! I want my own place! I want to decide what brand of appliances to buy! I want to have the most important opinion over the dishes!
If anything can actually really be said about my life, especially these last few years, I am most definitely NOT set in my ways.
Now, don't get me wrong, this odd little recluse on the mountain lifestyle has killed my social skills. I crave conversation terribly. And then when I do get a chance to talk to a friend in-person it's like a volcano explosion. I'm Old Faithful, ready to burst at any moment. I get a little too excited and have way too much to say.  And that is a problem I really need to work on.
Set in my ways? Not really, not so much, but I don't blame others for thinking that might be the case. But really, with the punches I've had to roll with in the past few years, I've learned what few things really matter, and what things don't. I become more flexible by the day. If I don't hurry up and get a job soon, I'll become completely porous, unable to hold an opinion of my own!




Hey You! Check out my new novels, "You Heard It Here First" and the sequel "This Just In!"

Relationships and Baggage

If you don't want to read about relationships, communication, and baggage, you will want to skip this post.

When I think about relationships back in my much simpler 20s, I think of how easy they were, and how easy they came to be. It was simple- you met a guy, sparks flew, you went on a few dates, and ta da! you were a couple. You didn't have to worry too much about if they had baggage or issues to deal with. For the most part, the younger you were, the fewer issues people had. But as we got older we all experienced different things. We all started picking up habits, bad experiences, and expectations. We all gained just a few more things to throw into our baggage that we haul around.
Then we reached our 30s and beyond. Where dating is no longer about meeting and sparks flying. If you are so lucky as to have a few sparks fly (I miss that! When did that stop happening?), you don't move straight into dating and coupledom. Now you move into learning about each other's baggage. You may go on a date, you may not. But somehow you still have a "person of interest" in your life, and all you are doing is learning to work with their baggage and issues. You are waiting to see if you can handle this problem, or if they can move past that problem. You start to weigh the pro's and cons from a different angle. You ask yourself if their behaviors are dealbreakers. You wonder if they can handle your baggage and issues. You wonder if you have complementary or clashing baggage.
Then one day you realize you have baggage too, and what is wrong with this person that they are with you when you have such issues? And you wonder why they haven't mentioned your baggage at all- are they too self-absorbed? Clueless? WHY? And then there is the opposite of that- the person who comments constantly on your issues. Are they trying to help? Fix? Or make you feel bad about yourself?
But the worst is when you meet someone who has serious issues, and yet appears to be oblivious to them. You learn to stay far, far away from that type.
Your married since their early 20s and even their teens friends just don't get it. They don't understand what is so complicated about dating. You just meet and there is chemistry, right? Oh how you wish it was still that easy.
And then you have days where you wonder if it can still be that easy? Are those relationships still possible after your 20s? Somewhere there is some naive person saying yes. I'll bet anything that person hasn't been in the dating world in at least a decade. There's also a very hopeful romantic who really wants the answer to be yes, not realizing that his or her baggage includes "impossible expectations."
I'd love to go back to when the hardest part about dating was that a really nice guy had brown eyes but I preferred blue. I'd love it if I didn't have to wonder just how much time I should invest in an emotionally difficult guy, before it is a waste of my time. (Although, I'm starting to think the answer is "all of the time.") More importantly, I wish I could go back in time to where I didn't know emotionally difficult men, and they were all just fun and entertaining. I'd love it if I didn't find myself thinking, "Could I live with this problem for the rest of my life?" every time I meet a guy.
Be patient with your single friends. Dating and relationships are not the fun and games that they used to be. Now you practically need a psychology degree to survive a first date!

Ghosts of Relationships Past

First and foremost, don't read too much into this. Don't assume there's something going on in my life that is sparking the following post. Sometimes its just all stemming from a conversation or something in someone else's life. Again, don't assume that we're talking about me or anyone in particular. It would be hazardous to your health.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about good relationships, bad relationships, and the defining factors in each. Sometimes the defining factors are more than just the two people in the currently relationship. Sometimes the defining factors are (still) events, experiences, and people from our past relationships. The Ghosts of Relationships Past if you will.
I often think that the hardest part about being in a relationship is our own individual insecurities. It isn't actually how difficult the other person can be - it is how our insecurities react to the other person. With every new person that we meet we must let go of prejudices and bad experiences from past relationships, and bravely open ourselves to new experiences. If you have never been hurt in a past relationship, you can't begin to imagine why someone would think you must be "brave" when entering a new relationship. If you have been hurt, you probably understand where I am coming from. You know who your ghosts are and you know where they live. What you don't know is when your ghosts will come back to haunt you.
Sometimes it is letting go of the past, letting go of the hurt, and letting go of negative expectations that can be so difficult. And then conversely you have to know when to learn from the past! When do you let those past pains be a cautious reminder and learning experience versus knowing when to let go and walk away? These tend to be the sort of feelings and behaviors that we hide from other people. Very rarely can we truly learn from other's mistakes in this area because it is so private and personal. (Ghosts are only visible to their owners. They can't be seen by everyone!)
And then there is the challenge of not repeating past behaviors. And also the challenge of figuring out when the problem is you and your ghost, or that you are drawn to or more open with people with certain behaviors or ghosts of their own, or when the problem is plain and simple the other person. When it comes to personal matters and personal relationships there is very rarely any one person in our lives who knows us so well as to truly see our scenarios for what they are, that they are qualified to offer unbiased advice. And so we are left to figure such things out on our own at a time when maybe our own judgment is the last thing we should trust.
And so we are left to our own devices, faith, and confidence. We cannot expect the answers to come from any outside source. (Note: I do not consider the Lord to be an outside source. He is very much within us.)


That all being said, I'll throw this out into the universe.
My Dear Outside Sources: This week I will be asking myself (and my ghosts) how can you tell if someone really means to be a jerk, or if they are just insecure? Insecure we can work with and be patient with. Jerks we kick to the curb. Does anyone have a litmus test for deciphering such behavior?

Calling all LDS Singles- I want your input

Over the weekend during LDS General Conference the call was issued loud and clear that men (and women) should not put off getting married. To read more about what was specifically said you can check out my Meridian Single Thought column, "Get Married Now!" Consider what I am about to say as the unofficial follow up to what I said in my column (which was written on Sunday night just hours after conference ended).
The thoughts going through my head right now are similar to when the president of a company comes into the meeting and says, "Make this happen!" and walks out. The team can sit around and complain and moan about how he made a directive but didn't provide any directions or leadership. Or they can embrace it, form a plan, and make it happen.
In the few days since the conference, all I have heard is the complaining and moaning. From the men it is mostly complaining about how the women don't want them, or don't like them, etc. And from the women I'm mostly hearing how they want to get married, but can't find any men. And vice versa in many cases.
What I haven't heard is one person say how they are going to change their actions and make something happen. And we need something to happen- at the congregational level, regional, church-wide, and personal levels.
What I am hoping for is that in the next few weeks we will hear that the Church has a new policy or program in store for the singles. But until that actually happens, I want to hear it from you!
How do we go about "making this happen?" President Monson- has literally issued the call "to make something happen"- for singles to get married. Now- how do we change things to make that a better possibility?
I'll go ahead and say this right now. The current system doesn't work. The singles program of the Church is not working. There needs to be change from the top levels all the way down to individual attitudes and activities. I've written multiple columns about what works and doesn't work, and why I think those things are, so I won't rehash those topics here.
But I want to know- Singles- what do you want? What would help you? (And please, for the love, do not give me "i want to be asked out" or "women don't like me" answers. Give me CONSTRUCTIVE answers.)
To prime the pump-
More activities?
A better communications program to share activities?
Classes on communication?
Classes on how to recover from divorce?
A physical makeover class?
Critical analysis from a professional on what you do or don't do right? (I've secretly always wanted to do this.)
More conferences?
More parties?

What? What would help you be able to -
1. meet more people
2. date more people
3. get over issues related to avoiding marriage/commitment


ADDED LATER-
I'm only adding this picture because I find it hilarious. Not because I find it true.

(In case you don't get the joke. This was a real "photobomb" during conference Sunday. In the last few minutes of the last session, this kid just popped into view for a second. If you blinked, you missed it. But thankfully we all have DVRs for the playback!)

Poking the hornet's nest one more time

Since I seemed to have stirred up a hornet's nest these past few weeks regarding dating, happiness, single life, etc., I thought I'd have one last little fun jab at it.
DISCLAIMER
The email I am about to share and exploit came to be from a non-secular dating site. The person who sent it to me does not know my name. He knows very precious little about me. He is not LDS. In other words, chances are slim to none that he will ever find and read this blog. Which is the only way and reason I will exploit the following conversation here.

The first email I received from him was one of those lame little "you're cute" wink/flirt things.
I checked out his profile, and found absolutely nothing of interest to me in it. He is not by most women's standards attractive, had poor photos of himself posted, and his personal information was more about his dog than about him.
In other words, he's just not for me. It's that simple.
I like to be polite and not leave people hanging. I think it is rude to not respond when people send winks or flirts. So I sent back the generic little, "Thanks, but no thanks" thing.
And then I got this in response-

Why?
You know little to nothing about me as a person. You've never met me, you've never even heard my voice on the phone. Why are you judging me already?

Well, first, this snotty, rude reply is an even bigger turnoff. I was tempted not to respond, but I sat on it a few days and decided to politely explain myself. I'm looking for someone with more education, a different style of humor, and that physically I felt no spark. 

Again he replied.

 I don't even remember writing to you. I NEVER get positive responses and I just want to know why. Am I wrong to feel this way? What if I was to tell you things about me as an individual, such as things I like to to for fun, my personal opinions about certain things, etc. then is it at all possible that maybe you might become interested?

 Seriously, good people of the online dating world- this should never have to be a question. Should he tell me what he likes to do for fun, share opinions, and describe himself as an individual? SERIOUSLY??? 


DUH!!


What the crap else would you put in a profile?? (well, in his case, I know how many times a day his dog gets walked.) These profiles are meant to sell YOU as an individual!!! This is not rocket science!!


People, dating is not a pretty happy world out there. It isn't all Prince Charming sitting around with a dozen roses looking for a woman to sweep off her feet. So maybe you can cut some of us a little slack when we say it is hard to find a good guy. We're busy dodging landmines and idiots to find them. 


And now, unless I do happen to meet a Prince Charming this week, I'm taking a short hiatus from discussing relationships, singles, and dating. (At least until my column comes out next week.) I'm tired!

Making a list and checking it twice- for important personality traits

My thinking spot

I frequently have boys on the brain. Actually, I'm too grown up to say “boys” now, I should say men. This hasn't changed much about me since I was in the fifth grade. However, it was just this week that I had an epiphany. It turns out I have a type! A physical one that is.

I never saw this coming before. I've dated and crushed on many shapes and sizes, but in a quick comparison of my top three “celebrity crushes” I came to realize I have a very specific type.

No, I won't be sharing with you who they are, because it is what I learned next that matters most.

I realized that while physically I seemed to be attracted to a very specific look, that I also have a very specific personality type I am attracted to as well.

My BFF Jules would tell you that personality type is “douchebaggery.” I tend to disagree. I think they were not so bad in the beginning, but many of them turned out to be not so great by the end.

I did some soul searching on the personality type and came to realize it was never going to work. That this type that I seem to be drawn to is lacking in traits I find to be essential and important. And so I sat down and went to work (with my handy dandy pen and notebook that is never far from me), and made a list.

I dug down deep to identify very specific traits that mean something to me. Nothing frivolous (like hobbies, activities, or appearances) about it. But true personality characteristics that make all the difference in the world to me.

The next thing I did was compare those traits against every single LDS man I know (mostly by reviewing my Facebook friends lists and other places as well). And I asked myself “is he like this? Would he be like that? Are his actions compatible with what I am looking for?” And never once did I consider his physical appearance. I just checked them off based entirely on spiritual and personality traits.

There were several hundred men to start with, which was quickly whittled down to a few dozen. And then, by the end, 8 remained. Out of approximately 400 men, I could only say with certainty that 8 of them possessed the personality traits that mattered most to me.

Now before anyone thinks I put silly things like “must love dogs,” or “must enjoy dancing” on this list, I did not. (Though come to think of it, I am a package deal. The snoring dog beside me may not appreciate being left out.) The list did include things like, “Should teach with patience and love.” “Should exercise great tolerance for and of others.” “Should put the Lord first in all things, and consider me to be an equal, not a step behind.” “Should be constantly improving himself spiritually and mentally.” (Note the difference between the words "must" and "should.")

Based on nothing but pure personality traits, and nothing trivial, I went from several hundred men to only 8 men, maybe less.

So now what do I do with this list? Is it possible to date only on personality traits and hope for a connection? And what if there is no connection with any of the 8? And is 8 all I can hope for?!

In full disclosure, several months ago I did ask out one of the men on this list. It had occurred to me what a great guy he is, and that I'd like to get to know him better. I asked him out and he said no. Actually he said no, and then later clarified if I had asked him out because he wasn't sure. And then he still said no. So I'm not sure if he's still one of the 8 or not.

What do I do with this list and knowledge? Keep in mind, proximity is an issue. The nearest man on this list is about 300 miles away. Most are much much further.

But again, I ask, is it possible to date purely on personality traits and not on physical ones? And do you think it would have better success rates?

I open the discussion to you!

Women and Men, Cats and Dogs

Over at Meridian Magazine today, I share a little tough love with the single men of the world. And I know without any doubt that what I have to say is making more than a few people angry.
There's women of an older generation disagreeing with every last word I wrote. Men whining that it can't possibly be their fault (although I guarantee you none of them are trying very hard). And there's a lot of single women in their 30s singing Hallelujah, someone understands me!
If you don't know what I'm talking about - go check it out.
And after you have read it (and feel free to leave a comment), feel free to come back here and read these other two articles that don't disagree too much with me either!
(my article) How the Sexual Revolution Killed the Common Date
Where Have All the Good Women Gone
Why Are Men Angry

MB + AB

The last two days have been all about my darling cousin Merry Brooke's wedding. She is my 14th (I think?) cousin to get married on that side of the family. It is always fun to get together for big family weddings, spend time with cousins, and just celebrate together.

MB married Aaron. I have actually known of Aaron for at least 6 years. He and I grew up just a few minutes away from each other, and have many friends in common. However, we never really knew each other- just of each other. It is interesting how someone from your past can one day become a permanent part of your future like that! He was just a guy I knew in passing, and now he and I will share kin. Welcome to the family, Aaron.
(He also makes the second Aaron in the family. So now we have an Erin, Aaron, Aaron, and Arianna.)

It was a lovely wedding, and lots of fun to see everyone.

Congrats MB and AB!

Welcome to February - the month of LOVE

Back in July I invited a few friends and fellow bloggers to write about relationships for me. It gave me a lot to think about to read different people's takes on relationships.
Now for the month of February- the month of love-  I am excited to bring on several guest bloggers to talk all about love. No one was given a specific angle or style to write in. Just the word "love" and what that brings to mind. The responses so far have been incredible, and I can't wait to share them with you!
This was already an idea forming in my head (to have people talk about what love means to them) when I found myself reading two articles and one blog post one day that I absolutely disagreed with. The first was by the editor of A Practical Wedding. This is a blog that promotes "practical costs" at a wedding, and also tries to dive into relationship issues. They celebrate all types of relationships/marriages on this site. Sometimes I read it just because I like the pictures of the weddings (really, what girl doesn't?), but most of the time I read it for the train wreck quality. There are so many blog posts on the site by actual brides bragging or whining about how their family didn't support their choices, so they planned the wedding their own way, and the people who "really loved them" came anyway. I'd like to see how many of those marriages (starting out of spite) really work out in the long run.
But I digress...
The editor of the site blogged about how instead of being a self-less wife, you should be a "self-full wife." I had to gag. She goes on and on about how you can't truly be happy in your marriage until you learn to love yourself.
I beg to differ. True, until you know yourself, and learn to love yourself, you cannot truly be free to love another. But learning to love yourself, no matter what Whitney Houston used to sing about it, is NOT the greatest love of all! (And how did that work out for you, Mrs. Bobby Brown?)
What is the greatest love of all? We'll get back to that in a minute.
From that first blog I found links to a NY Times article about "Sustainable Love." Also known as the "me marriage." This time the point was that happy marriages are all about learning more about yourself because of your relationship with the other person.
I think they came close, but still missed the mark on what makes a marriage work.
Last but not least there was this article about "Pining for a Relationship," written by a single woman in her 50's, who basically goes on to say she's fabulous, loves her life, and would never want to get married because she's to self-centered, and hopes more women will choose to be like her. 
Oh where do I begin?!
Let's get one thing straight. I'm single, 36 years old, never been married, straight, conservative, embrace and espouse "traditional morals," and haven't been in a significant other relationship in several years. So if you don't think I have any authority to talk about marriage, love, and relationships, I'm not arguing with you.
But here's what I do know. The Greatest Love of All is not loving yourself. But it is found in every great relationship. It is found between friends, between spouses, between parent and child. It is found in a great many places. It is also known as the First Great Commandment.
"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." Deuteronomy 6:5
It is only when we learn to love the Lord, and put Him first in ALL that we do, that we are able to love others completely as well.
In the Mormon Church (yes, my church) the marriage ceremony includes language that says the marriage is between the man, woman, and God. And I know there are other religions that teach this as well.
It is learning to accept all that God has given us, and accepting His will, and learning to ask for forgiveness, strength, and more, that creates happier, stronger, and more loving relationships. It is never about asking God to change someone else so that then you can be happy.
There is a lot to say on this subject. And I look forward to discussing it throughout the month to come.
In the meantime, I'm thrilled that we have so many different types of people guest blogging for us! Big name bloggers, first time bloggers, not even a blogger, etc. I've read through many of the stories already, and I am excited at just how different they each will be for you.
I hope you enjoy this journey as much as I do!
And if you would like to be a guest blogger as well, send me a note! I'd be happy to have you!

Thoughts on Marriage by a Single Girl

Thoughts on marriage by a single girl? Should be completely pointless, right? Maybe. But maybe not.

While most thoughts of marriage for a woman over 30 are not necessarily all positive and hopeful, there are some reassuring thoughts of marriage at times. Some of what I know about marriage has come from watching my own parents, but really, that only taught me about that one marriage. Most of what I know about marriage has come from carefully watching my friends over the past ten years. There have been marriages I have admired. Many I felt sad for. Many I wondered what made them ever get married in the first place. And all I have learned from.

If there is one over-riding detail in all of the less than gloriously happy marriages, it has been that the wife has little to know independence or self-assurance. She has no idea how to take care of herself or be alone. And in a strange way, this is a reassuring thought to a single woman over 30. If there is anything I know, it is that I can take care of myself. I know myself. I know who I am, independent of all other people. And it is a hopeful and reassuring thought that I do not need a man to make me happy. I am happy. If I do ever marry it will only be because I have found someone who makes my life better for being in it. And not because I think he'll give me a good life.

I wonder how many people married their spouse because they thought he/she would give them a good life, or because they made their life better? There is a huge difference, and one I fear most people don't see. Or how many people stay in marriages because they have no idea how they would function alone?

I watch the less than stellar marriages and wonder if either party truly believes their life is better because their spouse is in it?

It is reassuring to know that I have a beautiful life. I am happy. I'm good. And I will never have a bad marriage. The only marriage I will ever have is one that improves my life and makes me happier.

Feliz Navidad, Y'all!

Happy Christmas!
I must admit I am enjoying the lovely 50+ degree weather here in Southern Virginia this week. After years as a child of hoping and praying for a White Christmas, and never having my wish come true, and then moving to Utah where we get our fill of snow and then some, I have to say, I am perfectly happy with a very evergreen Christmas.
Christmas is always a personally introspective time. I'm torn right now between writing the travelogue of a post you might expect, full of meals and gifts, or writing what is really on my mind- which is how hard it is to be single during the holidays.
I'm going with single and the holidays, because I know there are a few of you out there who feel the same and probably need to hear that you/we aren't alone.
First of all, I want to go on the record as saying I love my family, both immediate and extended. We all fit in with our families in our own special way. And nothing I am about to say has anything to do with whether or not they accept me and love me. I know that they do. And I know that never has anyone ever tried to make me feel the ways I am about to describe.
But its tough being single on major family holidays, isn't it? I think Liz Lemon said it best on 30 Rock a few weeks ago, "When your mother kindly explains that they thought by now you'd have your own family and traditions for Christmas, and they wouldn't still have to be including you in everything."
Being single on a family holiday means finding a place to sit in between the children, the adults younger than you who have their own children, the adults your own age who have their own children, and the adults who call you their children. Because that's what family holidays are all about, aren't they? The children!
Christmas morning loses a lot of its luster when there aren't little children anxious to see the tree and open presents. (We slept in till 10 this morning, and nobody had to be told to keep away from the tree until Mom could find a camera.)
I'm not saying holidays can't be enjoyable and full of love. In fact, you realize even more as an adult how much of a sacrifice you are willing to make to be with the ones you love and participate in your family traditions. Especially when you are in a place in life where you aren't getting to start traditions of your own that you always thought someday you would do.
This year while I've felt no depression or anxiety over the holidays, I've been more acutely aware how so many people might. I'm happy and ready to move on to my next phase in life. I'm anxious to make some of my biggest goals and dreams a reality. In fact, the longer I sit here in Virginia, with my hands tied as to the future, the more I want to just get back to Utah and get on with it, DANG IT!
So single friends, I'm thinking of you right now. I hope you are happy. I hope you are finding what works for you this year. And I hope more than anything, you never let the lack of a man in your life hold you back from getting what you want.

Using My Skills For Good and Evil

Sometimes I feel like I should explain something to the world. And that is simply that I'm really good at cyber-stalking and manipulating social media tools. In fact, I'm so good at cyber-stalking and social media that I've now officially made a career out of it.
What does this mean?
It means that for the most part, with rare exception, I can find just about anything about anyone online. And I can use this knowledge for good or evil.
For instance, my blog has all sorts of invisible magic tools on it that tell me how much traffic I get in a day, where it is coming from, and even what link you followed to find it, or what operating system you are on. If you are curious, 90% of my readers are using Windows XP, and most of you use Firefox for the internet. Why does this matter? Well, it probably doesn't to you, but to a nerd like me, I can use this information for other things in the future.
Back to the links.
I can not only see what link you followed to get to my blog, for instance, Google Reader, Google Bookmarks, Bloglines, etc, I can even see what town you live in, who your ISP is, and how much time you spent on your most recent visit to my site.
My point?
There is a person out there who thinks he or she is anonymous and I don't know that they are my "hater." But this person is stupid enough to actually have me linked off of his or her own registered blog and bookmarking tool. And I know exactly who it is.
So seriously, grow up. If you are going to leave hateful or stupid comments anonymously on a blog, think it through. I'm a professional expert in social media tools. (And no, I don't think it is egotistical or arrogant to call myself an expert.) I know who you are. So just own up to it, and admit you hate me, and yet read my blog nearly every single day. I can't think of a more pathetic activity- hate someone, and then spend that much time reading their blog daily. When never, not once, have they been mentioned on this blog, because, hello, I barely even remember you.
Now, for other things.
Let's say I was quasi-stalking this cute boy. And I did happen to very very easily come across a goldmine of personal information on him. (Hey, its not my fault he's not smart enough to block that info online.) How much of this info am I allowed to use for personal gain? Info such as his birthday, address, college, graduation year, siblings' names, even his workout program (you'd be amazed how much info I can get on a person in less than 2 minutes). Obviously I won't be walking up to him and announcing exactly how much I have learned about him without his knowledge. But its okay if I use this information to help him start a conversation with me, right?
See people, I can use my skills for good or evil. And I try to be good, with just a little evil thrown in.

Suddenly I Wish I Had a Boyfriend

Or go to the hip website I found it on. (Thanks Laurie!)