Not All Knights in Shining Armor Remember to Wear Shining Armor

I pride myself on being a fairly self-sufficient individual. I support myself. I can cook, bake, and decorate a nice home. I’ve made sure to also learn those less feminine skills that gender roles designate are more of a masculine duty, like changing the oil in my car, fixing a flat tire, or jumping the car battery.

I’ve never wanted to be a burden on anyone. And as a single woman, I find it wise and prudent to be able to do most things myself and not need to call for help for every little thing. And if I can’t do it myself (I admit, I have a few limitations) I make sure there is enough money to hire someone who can. I admit it, I hate to ask for help.

But even the best laid plans of a determined, fiercely independent woman sometimes things go awry. And from these SNAFUs we often learn our greatest lessons.

When It All Goes Wrong

So there I was, ready to hit the road with friends for a ski trip. Now, let me explain what this entails for all of you western U.S. types. Ski resorts in this part of the world can often be found in remote locations, and not just twenty minutes up the nearest canyon. In our case, it was a good three hours away, in a far off state park in a different state, and to say it was in “the sticks” wouldn’t be wrong.

We hit the road at six in the morning, most of us operating on less than five hours of sleep. We stopped on our way out of town to pick up one more friend out in the suburbs. We passed by a gas station that always brings up mixed emotions for me. It was the worst day of my life the last time I was at that gas station, and just the sight of it makes me choke up. It was a place where a few years ago I realized my life had officially hit rock bottom. I’ll forgo the details of what rock bottom looks like. But I’ll say this much- rock bottom is an awful and horrible place.

Worst Day Ever

But that gas station was also the place where two important events happened in my life. The first was that I learned how to accept and appreciate the true kindness and charity of strangers who correctly suspected I had hit rock bottom and helped me. The second was I learned how to ask a friend for help, and accept his generous assistance. Allowing my friend to see me in such an awful situation taught me a new level of humility and honesty. But his willingness to help me before even knew what the problem was, taught me what a good man can be. So when my skiing buddies and I passed by that poignant little gas station, my heart filled with gratitude and memories yet again.

Little did I know what the day ahead held for us, or else I would have considered staying behind at that gas station.

We passed the gas station and drove on. It was less than an hour later that I looked in the rear view of the 1997 Suburban I was driving and saw clouds of white steam pouring out the back. I should add here that I normally don’t drive this jalopy. It’s on loan to me while my much younger car gets an expensive transmission and clutch repaired. I’m incredibly grateful for the loaner jalopy, even though the rest of this story may make you wonder why.

Other cars quickly started to flag me down as the small cloud of steam turned into a massive cloud of steam. I exited the highway, with the other car of friends, following right behind. Of course, I managed to pull off on the one exit on that highway that doesn’t have a gas station, let alone any sort of business or dwelling, anywhere in sight.

Admittedly, I had no idea how to handle the situation. Steam pouring from the front and back of the car at the same time was not something I’ve experienced before. I was lost. And I felt horrible because it was obvious I was about to ruin the day for my friends.

Never Trust a Jalopy, Always Trust Men in Carhartts

Finding the Positive in the Opposite Sex

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the opposite sex. I had an epiphany that had never occurred to me before: It’s almost always a disappointment with the opposite sex.

First, let me start out by making this one thing clear. This post is not a “down with men” or “down with love” sort of diatribe. Far from it. I am a woman writing about her feelings and experiences with the opposite sex. This could just as easily be written from a man’s point of view. At least, I think men might feel this way too. I’m not sure. And that’s why I’m putting this out there to spark some thoughts and conversations on the subject.

After twenty-plus years of dating, I’ve become jaded of sorts. My expectations have been lowered significantly on the romance front. The twenty year old version of me dreamed of the day her crush would ask her out and bring a dozen roses to her on the doorstep. The 40 year old version of me has never had a man bring her roses on a date, and is impressed when a guy actually offers to pick her up, and doesn’t suggest she take public transit to meet him somewhere. Actually, the older version of me is just impressed when a man asks her out. That’s about all it takes to impress her now. Sometimes, even less.

After years and years of being single, I’ve been disappointed over and over again. I’ve lowered my expectations considerably. Oh I still have high hopes, but reality keeps them in check.

Nearly all of my experiences with the opposite sex have had negative returns. Even the good guys have left a bad impression at some point in time. The once great boyfriends eventually broke my heart. Whether it’s an unrequited crush, cat calls from a man on the street, a bad breakup, most of the experiences I have with men are not positive.

There are a few good guy friends out there. And occasionally I’ve had a decent home teacher or two. (I mention this only for the sake that I know someone will bring it up in the comments section.) But these positive social interactions with the opposite sex are the minority of my experiences, not the majority.

My experiences with my own sex are different. We laugh, joke, share, and commiserate together. For the most part my experiences with my own sex is very positive. (In other words, it’s not me. I do have positive relationships.) These are not the experiences I frequently or regularly have with the opposite sex. The positive experiences I have with men are getting farther and fewer between.

And I worry about that.

I worry that my little heart will build bigger defenses, higher walls, and tougher callouses with every additional negative experience to the point that no one will ever be able to get past them. You have to have a “strong center,” or “be mentally strong,” “have thick skin,” etc., when it comes to attempting to befriend the opposite sex. Or at least that’s what my guy friends tell me. But that’s the problem. I’m jaded and calloused when it comes to men breaking my heart. I expect it now. (Reality over hopes.) But really, the heart under those callouses is soft and tender.

In the long run, can all of these negative experiences be good? We need the positive experiences. We need to seek them out and find them. We need to start to like them again, and not just associate them with bad experiences. Otherwise, my heart may turn into one gigantic callous. And that just sounds gross.

I know I’m not alone. And I know this isn’t all one-sided. Maybe all those tough manly men won’t admit to it, but I think they suffer from the same afflictions.

How can we expect anyone to couple up and fall in love if they never have positive experiences with the opposite sex? How can we even expect them to bother to look at or speak to each other?

Consider this my challenge to you- be kind to the opposite sex. Ask someone on a date. Do something fun and positive with a member of the opposite sex so that they have a reason to believe that there are still “good ones” out there. Surprise someone with a card or a call. Invite someone to go for a walk. Take them a plate of cookies. Give a member of the opposite sex a reason to smile. Just this one time, don’t worry that you will lead them on or give them the wrong idea. Just worry that maybe you haven’t done your part lately to give the opposite sex hope or a smile. Because wouldn’t you like someone to do that for you?

Why I Won't Date Him

I've done something today I've never done before in my 10 years of blogging here.
I've deleted the post that was here, but I've left up the comments.
I felt I was addressing a serious problem (the mistreatment of women), and in return I have been insulted in more ways than I can count (both on this blog and in an LDS mid-singles FB group).
Maybe I will re-address the issue some time but in a more carefully worded way. I will take the blame for the poor reception of the blog post because I was the writer. The fact that so many people thought this subject was open to mocking and insults tells me that I did not write it in a serious and factual enough context.
So if you came here looking for that blog post, sorry, it is gone.

A Single Mormon Woman Reflects on Women Holding the Priesthood

Dear Friend,

Yesterday you asked about women in the Mormon Church holding the priesthood. I fired off some fast and too easy “internet responses.” I want you to know that your questions and comments were not ignored. In fact, I’ve thought about them quite a bit. I hope you'll forgive me my thoughtless responses yesterday, and accept my much more in-depth and thought out response below.

You raised important issues- why can’t women hold the priesthood? Why do men run the meetings? Why can’t women?

I’ve given this topic (and others I am about to address) a lot of thought over the years. My response today is not just the culmination of 24 hours of ruminating on current politics, but my cherished, deep-rooted beliefs, and understanding of the Gospel of Christ.

One of the key details that sets Mormons apart from other religions is found in a small verse in the Book of Mormon. As you know, we believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, another testament of Jesus Christ. Many other religions scorn us because of this book. But anyone who has actually read it will know that there is nothing in there that conflicts or contests the Bible. Many of the commandments and scriptures are nearly identical to what is found in the Bible.

But there is one small verse or scripture that truly sets us apart. Mosiah 3:19 reads, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

In my eyes, nearly every commandment given in scripture is a directive, suggestion, or instruction on how to overcome the natural man or our natural instincts. For instance, the Ten Commandments include no coveting, no stealing, no murder, obey your parents, put God first. We are taught from infancy not to murder or steal (hopefully). Why are we taught these things? Because it is natural to do them.

Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes

For the past few road trips I have been listening to "Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes: The Ultimate Guide to the Opposite Sex" on CD. (My local library has a great books on CD collection.) I really like this book!
Here's the description from Amazon- 

Do you know the top seven things men do that drive women nuts? Or the real reason women cry more than men do? What are men really looking for in a woman—both at first sight and for the long-term? These are only the starting points for Barbara and Allan Pease as they discuss the very real—and often very funny—differences between the sexes.
Why Men Don’t Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes takes a look at some of the issues that have confused men and women for centuries. Using new findings on the brain, studies of social changes, evolutionary biology, and psychology, the Peases teach you how to make the most of your relationships—or at least begin to understand where your partner is coming from.
They help women understand why men avoid commitment, what drives them to lie, and how to decode male speech to find out what they are really saying. They explain to men why women nag, how they use emotional blackmail, and how to understand (and take advantage of!)  the top-secret scoring system all women apply.  They also dish about the top turn-ons--and turn-offs--for both sexes. Laced with their trademark humor, Why Men Don’t Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes addresses a host of nitty-gritty battlegrounds as well, from channel surfing and toilet seats to shopping and communication. 

This book is less "advice" and more just explanations. I wouldn't recommend it as an advice book on how to work on relationships. It is more research and science based than most books about the sexes. It is humorous enough that you barely notice how research based it is.
One of the lower key funny parts about it is unintentional. Like I said, I'm listening to the audiobook. The book was written by 2 Australians who live in England. The book is peppered with Australian and British expressions. But the audiobook is narrated by 2 actors with American accents. There's something slightly odd about Americans referring to the loo, mates, and wankers.
I've learned a lot why men and women think and act in certain ways from a sociological and biological standpoint- especially about how and why women multi-task, and men are more "single track." (I'm assuming it is a British v. American thing to say "multi-track" v. "multi-task." I've noticed it several times in the book.) It explained it in terms of professional communication for women in a way I had never thought of it before. They talk about how men have a difficult time understanding women when they give presentations. Women are able to "jump tracks" back and forth with ease. Men cannot. Usually in a professional event, the presenter sticks to an outline. But if and when women leave the outline, (or if, ahem, like me, they wrote the outline themselves and allow it to jump between details) it can confuse men. Women have less success in presentations to men because men do not follow as well. However, other women will follow much better. I had never thought about this before, but it helped me recognize instances of this in the past. (And will help me in the future.)
One other interesting thing I learned- (and forgive me, I don't have the exact numbers since I am listening and not looking at the printed word) women use multiple verbal cues when they speak that indicate a "change of track" or subject change. Men do not "hear" or recognize all of the cues. The audio narration read a paragraph with verbal cues the way a woman said it and how another woman would hear it. No problem. Made perfectly good sense to me. And then they read it without the cues that men don't hear. It made no sense. It was really fascinating! I had never heard about this before. But it all made a lot of sense!
I highly recommend this book. It isn't a difficult or boring read. It is enjoyable and rather fun. 

Men don’t reach their thirties still single because they are good at dating (but then, neither do the women)

By way of explanation for my non-LDS friends. This past weekend was the LDS General Conference. Twice a year Mormons gather around laptops, TVs, radios, and sometimes even go to churches, for a whole weekend, and listen to “conference talks” from Salt Lake City. Some of our most beloved leaders give speeches or talks, on the subject of their choosing (but there is often an unofficial theme). Four of the sessions are “general sessions,” for the whole family to watch and listen. The weekend before conference is the special all women’s session, and Saturday night of conference is the all men’s session (known as the priesthood session).
For the most part, women don’t watch the priesthood session, or pay much attention to it. They can if they want (it isn’t secret), but they have to go out of their way to do so. I went out of my way this year and read the official transcript that was sent to the press for the male session.

The talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson during the priesthood session really jumped out at me. I was so affected by his talk that I’ve decided to share almost the full thing below.
You see, I’m tired and frustrated with the men I meet. I’m not referring just to the single men I may meet for romantic purposes (which almost never happens anyway). It seems that everywhere you look, men aren’t trying anymore. I’ve struggled internally, and even read magazine articles and books, trying to understand when men stopped caring about BEING MEN.
Are the women partially to blame? Did the women’s liberation movement, and ascent to equality, somehow make the men stop trying to carry the load? If so, that isn’t really the women’s fault. It’s like saying my neighbor mows his yard so well, that I decided to stop mowing mine because it isn’t as good as his. Stupid logic. And yet? It might be true.
I want a real man. I want a man who impresses me. I want to meet women who impress me. I have no tolerance for a pansy who doesn’t try to live up to his potential. (And the same goes for women as well.)
To quote Christofferson (who was quoting the book, “Manning Up”)-
It’s been an almost universal rule of civilization that whereas girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, boys had to pass a test.  They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess, or mastery of the necessary skills.  The goal was to prove their competence as protectors of women and children; this was always their primary social role.  Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, provider husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.
A few months ago I went to Duck Beach with a few thousand of my fellow Mormon singles. When I returned I went straight to a nannying job, for the same family I tended to last week. At that time I wrote a column for Meridian about my experiences. In it I said that after a week of “fake mommying” and a weekend of wild, and carefree single life, I had made some changes. I realized I could be a single mother, and I could handle it. If you’ve read this blog for many years you know how much I have wanted to be a foster parent and to adopt, with or without a husband. I took care of 4 children, by myself, for a week. I survived. I enjoyed it. And I learned that I am capable and able of being a single mother.
But my experiences also gave me second thoughts about some of the men I met at the beach. When I left the beach there were probably four guys on my radar. They were each fun, attractive, and interesting. One I lost interest in before I even got home. Two held my interest a bit longer, but I realized after playing “fake mommy,” that they were not the kind of man I want to have around. And the fourth one, well, wait a few paragraphs, you’ll see.
I learned I can do it all by myself. I have lived alone for years. I can change the light bulbs in the vaulted ceiling. I own my own power tools. I can change the oil in my car. I can earn an honest living and support myself. And it turns out, I can do it all while taking care of four children.
I don’t NEED a man to take care of me.
I WANT a man who will take care of me.
It is a huge burden and a lot of work to carry load alone. I don’t want to. I don’t want to do it all alone.
I don’t know when the tides of dating changed. There wasn’t a date marked in red on the calendar to let me know when it was time to move on to the next level. In fact, I may have only noticed today that the tides changed.
When I was in high school I often heard the advice, “Smile and be nice to the boys, and they will be nice to you.” I also regularly heard, “Friendship, not courtship, should be the relationship between teenagers.”
And then, still a teenager, I graduated from high school and went off to college. Suddenly it wasn’t about friendship, and it was all about marriage. The advice changed to “Don’t chase the boys. Let them come to you. That’s how you get a man!” Throughout my twenties that advice was repeated many times. Don’t try too hard! Put yourself out there, but let them come to you! In the cutthroat and often competitive world of singles wards, that was some hard advice to take.
One day I woke up in my thirties and the advice had changed again. “Don’t wait for a man to call you! Ask him out! How else will he know you are interested? The world has changed! These men don’t know how to date. You have to make it happen for yourself!”
I fear for the advice I’ll get in my forties! Can someone warn me now what I’ll be hearing then? I want to be well prepared (because I’ve always felt a little behind thus far)!
My mother likes to say, “Men don’t reach their thirties still single because they are good at dating.” She makes a valid point. I’ll admit, I don’t think many of the women are good at it either.
I confess, I am tired. I am tired of dating. I am tired of wondering which piece of advice I should take, and then second guessing, worried I applied the wrong one.
But what is most exhausting may come as a surprise to you.
I’m tired of meeting great guys.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m tired of meeting all of the Mr. Wrongs out there too. I’d rather meet a great guy than another loser.
But it is the good ones that let relationships dissipate or fall apart that I am tired of.
I used to be a big believer in the “He’s just not that into you,” mode of thought. It helped me accept a lack of action and move on. But I’ve discovered there is a new breed out there, a new problem. These are the men (and maybe women do this too, but I highly doubt it) who are good, who are interesting, and with whom there is an attraction and interest. But they do nothing about it.
I used to say, “It’s okay, he’s just not that into you,” and move on. After all, I’ve “not been” into plenty of guys. I can accept that not all guys are into me.
But I have learned that there are guys who are into you, who are interested. It isn’t always just in your head. They really are interested and inviting.
But there is a failure to launch, a lack of spark, or whatever you want to call it. And he just doesn’t pull his weight. The relationship fails because a woman can only do so much on her own.
That is what I am tired of. I’m tired of dating. I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of waiting for him to figure out that's a brick that landed on his head. I’m tired of trying to figure it all out. I’m tired of blaming myself for not being cute/thin/smart/funny/spiritual/geeky/ditzy/whatever enough.
I’m tired of men not being real men.
I want a man who is not going to let his life pass him by as he plays video games, or pursues career advancement or money. The longer he does that, the longer he is passing by life with me. And quite frankly, I don’t appreciate that. I have stepped up and moved on. I have made a life for myself. I have traveled, experimented, grown, changed, and lived. Maybe I don’t have cash in the bank or a three bedroom house to prove my stature. But I have lived, and I am better for it.
I want a man who wants to live. I want a man who wants to be a man! I want a man like the one described in Elder Christofferson's talk (read it after the jump)!

I suck at flirting and meeting guys

(pretty high up there on the list of worst pictures of me ever. and yet, so accurate.)

The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Different guy, same story.
Girl + boy = nothing
Overanalyzation = no conclusion

My love life pretty much never changes. The typical formula is I meet a nice guy. He's friendly, he flirts, he shows some interests (but never asks me out). I slowly but surely come around and get to the point where I actually like him. By then he's usually well into "friend zone." I then spend anywhere from one week to a year being really good friends with him, and over-analyzing every move and conversation. I'm so tired of it.

So there's a new-ish guy. Thankfully we're only a few weeks, okay maybe months, into this one. And I had my first ridiculous over-analyzation yesterday. We're not going through this again. I just don't care enough to repeat history- again!

And so before I do this all over again, we're going to take some relationship lessons. Next week will be Relationship Week here on the blog. In other words, I will not be doing all the writing. I'd love a few more guest writers. And maybe someone to be my Dear Abby? Anyone want to share their "how we met" stories? Or share their dating advice? Lemme know!

The One Where My Cousin Meets a Cute Boy, Or Not

Yesterday one of my "BYU cousins" called me to chat and told me the craziest story. To protect the innocent, we'll call this cousin, "Atlanta." (In other words, all my other cousins now know who I am talking about, and you don't.)
The background- Atlanta is a very attractive and cute senior at BYU. Whether or not she sees it, men fall all over themselves to get her attention. So the story I am about to tell you could go 2 ways- either the man involved was completely sincere, or he was trying REALLY hard to get the cute girl to talk to him.
Disclaimer- she was laughing really hard, and I'm sketchy on details. I may be remembering certain unimportant parts wrong.
So Atlanta was on campus yesterday and a Marine approached her. I believe (insert the disclaimer part here) the hot young Marine was even in uniform. He explained that he's not a BYU student, but he's taking a class in psychology and was surveying people. He then proceeded to ask her a jillion random questions. Things like, "what's your favorite color? choose between options a and b." etc. Nothing incredibly interesting or informative about a personality if you ask me or her. And no matter what she answered, he was enthralled by her reply, and said strangely flattering things like, "That's so interesting!"
At one point he asked her to close her eyes and envision something while she answered. She said she cooperated but was worried about her wallet getting stolen while she did. She takes after me in the "never trust a man who's trying this hard" personality category.
So after spending quite a bit of time flattering her and questioning her, he asks for her phone number, in case he needs to ask follow up questions. And in what legitimately sounded like a total blow off, she explained she had lost her phone and didn't know if she was going to be able to find it. (She really had lost her phone, but found it last night, which is how she was able to call me.) So she gave him an email address instead. He even teased her that she was blowing him off. She teased him right back. She's an excellent flirt, I might add.
Throughout the 'interview' he claimed that her answers were just SO interesting because they were different from all the other girls. And Atlanta is just SO interesting...
So we started to wonder if this guy was for real. Because, come on. It's the BYU campus! Crazier stunts have been known to happen to get a girl's attention!  But then, much to our surprise, he did email her today with more completely oddball questions. So we had some fun with it, and she's writing him back tonight. I wish I could remember exactly what tonight's questions were because they were totally strange. Strange because they were so simple, not because they were deep and perplexing.
So with her permission, I turn this over to the blogosphere. Is the cute Marine in uniform she met on campus, but isn't a student there, but yet claims to be taking a psych class, who interviewed her very randomly really sincere and just surveying her? Or is this yet another very elaborate ruse to get a cute girl's attention? And what would you ask or say to him (via email) to smoke him out?


And for those tracking these things, I did not see the Cute Blushing Boy today, in spite of the fact that I did attempt to stalk him momentarily. But when I quickly realized that I could not do so without possibly creating a scene like Monday's, I chose not to.

Where have all the good ones gone?

Where have all the good ones gone?
Seriously, where are all the good guys?

(we interrupt this quarterly eruption of female emotions to give all of you who don't want to read my thoughts on men, love, sex and life the chance to click off the page. bye bye.)

I think I am a half decent catch. I'm smart, talented, have good manners, don't chew with my mouth open, and as far as Mormons go, I'm a good one. I do the right things. I go to church each week. I work hard. And in my humble opinion, I'm not horribly unattractive.

So why am I at home on a Saturday night watching "The Karate Kid?" (No, really, I am.)

Because I can't find a decent Mormon guy to save my life. Is it so much to ask that I find someone who has worked as hard as I have to be active in our religion? Has a job? Decent manners? And can carry on a partially coherent conversation without making me wonder if that thing he is doing is a permanent tic?

I get that it's harder over 30. (I just never imagined how much harder.) I meet guys on rare occasion. I just can't remember the last time I met a guy that had at least a third of the characteristics I'm looking for. I'm open minded. I'm not going to disqualify a guy just because he isn't perfect. But come on guys!

Case in point, I met a decent guy a while back. We had some good chemistry. He had plenty of good qualities, right up until he told me that he was only looking for a girl that was interested in a long term sexual relationship with him. Not marriage, no Mormon values. Just a long term sexual relationship.

That didn't go anywhere.

The next guy I met was fairly decent as well. I thought he was very nice and interesting, except all he wants to talk about is sports. And I can only talk sports for about 10 minutes before we've exceeded my knowledge of the subject. But I'm not naive, people. I'm a 33 yr old Mormon girl who needs to lose another 20 lbs. I'm not too picky so as to rule out a guy just because he can only talk sports. I ruled him out because he doesn't know the difference between a cliche and a Bible teaching. And I'm not talking he has a limited vocabulary. He really doesn't know the difference. And that's a problem for me.

I have a hard time believing only the women were smart enough and good enough. It can't possibly be that ALL guys decided on their 30th birthdays to just completely give up on everything they were taught before. There has to be at least 2 or 3 guys left out there, right?

It just frustrates me to no end to be looked upon as being "too picky" because I have the standards I was taught to have and believe in. But I'm not going to change or lower my standards. I will remain as open minded as ever on this subject.

And yet I spend another Saturday night at home watching a bad movie.

Why do bad guys finish first?

Today I got an update on a guy from my past. A guy that broke my heart and seriously hurt me. The update was that he's in a happy new relationship and doing well in his new life. You know, the life he screwed me over on his way to getting. (hopefully that makes sense) And I have to admit, learning how well he's doing pretty much ruined my day. I'm over him and not bitter, although this post may not appear to prove that point at first. He hurt me pretty good and we both moved on. In some strange way I'm actually happy for him. I know he's been wanting a real relationship for a long time, so I'm glad he's found it.
The part that ruined my day was the part where the bad guy found happiness. Why not me? Why does this jerk who has broken so many hearts and screwed over so many people keep finding more hearts to break? How can he find so many hearts? And yet I can't find anyone? I can't remember the last time I met someone new. I got an email from an old friend this week. We're terrible about keeping in touch. When I first read her letter I had to laugh. Even though it has been months since I have heard from her the men she asked about in my life are still the same men. And then I wanted to cry. How is it possible that I haven't met a new man in that long? My life has involved the same 2-3 guys for nearly a year now. That's just pathetic.
I have never hurt a man. Let me rephrase that. I have never intentionally hurt anyone in my life. I have never intentionally lead a man on. I have never intentionally broken someone's heart, or otherwise "been a jerk." And yet, I've dated a few jerks in my time, and those guys seem to date so much. I don't get it. How can some people (truly underserving people) do so much dating, while the rest of us do so little? Why do the bad guys seem to finish so much further ahead?
And where the hell did all the good guys go? And where do I meet them? Cause I really can't take another guy who tells me I'm great and I'm his best friend and then disappears on me. And I really can't take another jerk. I just want to meet a nice, normal, no head games man. Why is that so hard to find?