Nevertheless, She Persisted

I remember the first time I experienced true sexism. I was in college and wanted to apply for acceptance into my major program. My (female) adviser told me not to bother. I was a borderline student, and there was a limited number of spots available. "And since this is a career path major, it will go to a man who could use this major to get a real job and support a family."

I was so angry. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. I could live with the verdict if I applied and got rejected because I wasn't competitive enough based on the merits. But to be told not to bother because men deserved the career track more than I did? That really bothered me. I knew what I wanted to major in. I knew what field I wanted to work in. I didn't want to take her advice to go "major in something more friendly, like English or Family Sciences."

So I looked up all the universities in the country that had the specific program I wanted to major in. There were exactly 7 schools with my program, and one of them was back in Virginia in my hometown where I qualified for in-state tuition. It took little more to convince me to apply there and transfer schools. I've never regretted it. I majored in Political Communications and Broadcast Journalism at the Edward R. Murrow School of Communications at George Mason University, and loved every minute of it.

It was while I was attending GMU that I experienced my second serious case of sexism. I had a job working on a political campaign as a fundraising associate. I was pretty good at my job, and got promoted a few times through the ranks. One day I made a comment to the male receptionist about my paycheck. We quickly came to discover that he got paid $3/hr more than I did. He was the receptionist. He was new. I had rank and experience over him. Why did he make more? I asked and got the straight answer. "Men need the money more than girls do."

Back then I believed that sort of thing. I accepted that he made more money than I did because he had to pay for dates, and I didn't. (Really, that was the argument I was given.) Even though I did more work and had more responsibility and experience, I believed it was okay for him to make more money that I did because he was male. Today I know better.

Those first few years out of college every job I had wanted to turn me into a secretary, but I didn't want that. I persisted in being seen as a planner and creator. I forced employers to not expect me to be their assistants or secretaries, but to let me create programs and step out and do something more.

I'm 42 now. I'm glad I wasn't held back by the first university that told me a man deserved my career more than I did. I'm good at what I do. I love what I do. I persisted and broke out of the "secretary track" that my career started me down. I'm a marketing director for a national bank now. I've written 6 books and hundreds of articles. I've planned huge events, and fundraised thousands of dollars. All things I could never have done if I had listened to the people that told me a man deserved my job more than I did.

I don't agree with the politics of Senator Elizabeth Warren. She's not my cup of tea. But last week she tried to read a letter on the Senate floor, and was shut down by Senator Mitch McConnell (who's politics I also don't agree with). In so doing, he said the following, "“Sen. Warren was giving a lengthy speech. She had appeared to violate the rule. She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.”

He then went on to let two more men give lengthy speeches, reading the same exact text Senator Warren had tried to read.

And the words, "She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted." suddenly became the rally cry for every woman who has ever been held back by sexism. (Whether or not they consider themselves feminists.)

I was warned in college [that I wasn't good enough for the major]. I was given an explanation [that a man deserved it more]. Nevertheless, I persisted, found a different school, and got the degree I wanted anyway.

I remember clearly sitting in a team meeting where I pointed out that the plan in front of us was the same plan we had tried the month before, but it had failed - badly. My boss snapped at me and told me (verbatim) to shut up. Minutes later a man made the same observation. He was given the opportunity to create a new plan for us the next month. Because girls are supposed to sit still and look pretty, and not think critically or speak up out of turn. We're told we're bossy, but boys have leadership skills if they command a room.

And so it is, I LOVE the phrase, "Nevertheless, she persisted." I don't care about Senator Warren or Senator McConnell. But there is something about those words, "nevertheless, she persisted" that speaks right to my heart. And I know that it speaks to thousands of other women who have been in the same places I've been.

So I put it on a t-shirt. And I'm selling that shirt through Bonfire.com a fundraising platform. I've created it in multiple colors, sizes, and styles for men, women, and children. There's something for everyone there. It's available for another week online.

The proceeds from the sales of the shirts will go to donations for refugees in Germany. This summer I will be traveling with Clog America to Germany, the Netherlands, and England on their annual folk festival tour. As a plus, I'm bringing my nephew Tell Gresko with me. Clog America will perform at folk festivals alongside several other countries. And between shows, we take the time to make humanitarian visits to orphanages and shelters. We have become aware that in one of the towns we are visiting that the hotels are filled with refugees. I intend to bring donations with me to this town to personally hand over to the refugees, and give to the organizations at the most direct levels. (Some of the proceeds will also go to help offset the cost of Clog America's expenses so we can give more money in humanitarian donations.)

If you know me, you know that I have a love for doing humanitarian work. I've traveled to Romania, Haiti, Cambodia, Serbia, and more doing humanitarian work. If I could raise my hand and volunteer to take in a refugee in my own home, I would. The travel ban on refugees- the very victims of our enemies- breaks my heart. And so I created another t-shirt in support of the refugees. This one says, "Give Me Your Tired" on the front, and "Refugees Welcome" "#My America" on the back. It also comes in multiple styles and colors. It's only available for one more night.

Wear the "Nevertheless, she persisted" shirt in honor of every woman you know that had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously. Who got paid less to do the same job as the man beside her. Who stepped out of the shell she was put in, "because that's what girls should do."

I hope you'll consider purchasing one of these t-shirts knowing that it shows your support of a good cause, and goes to support a good cause. (If you don't want a shirt, you can still make a donation using the links as well.)

Thank you for all your support in all of my projects over the years. This pet project is near and dear to my heart. I want to show my support for the women around me, and I want to show my love for the refugees. I want to help the women in the refugee camps who need so much of our help and love, and not our hate and sexism. And I've found my own simple way to show support and raise funds all at the same time. I hope you'll consider supporting it.

Thank you!!

Nevertheless, she persisted. - https://www.bonfire.com/nevertheless-she-persisted-2017/

Give Me Your Tired - https://www.bonfire.com/support-true-american-values/

Goodbye, Sweet Kathy

A dear friend, cheerleader, mentor, and supporter passed away today. She was a woman I barely knew, and yet she had a profound influence on many of the professional choices. There are so many things I could say about what a wonderful woman she was. But mostly, I just want to say that I wish I had told her and thanked her for her incredible influence. I never did tell her what an important role model she was to me. And now I never can. And there is a huge painful hole in my heart tonight as a result. 

Gift of God's Grace

"With the gift of God's grace, the path of discipleship does not lead backward; it leads upward." - President Dieter Uchtdorf

Come Unto Christ

"If you feel small and weak, please simply come unto Christ who makes weak things strong." - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Good Works and Salvation

"Thinking that we can trade our good works for salvation is like buying a plane ticket and then supposing we own the airline." - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Great Courage

"Great Courage will be required to choose the right." - Elder Ulisses Soares

Show Your Love

"What sign will you give to the Lord to show your love for Him?" Elder Russel M. Nelson

Hand of God

"Can you see the hand of God in your own life?" - Elder Neil Andersen

Choose to be Happy

"When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be right?"  - Sister Linda K. Burton

Praying for the One: You

God gives all of His children equal opportunities for happiness through the Atonement. He is our Heavenly Father, and like all fathers, He doesnt love one child more than another. Of this, there is no argument. He wants us to be happy.

And yet, we forget this easy to accept principle when it comes to seeking an eternal companion. We make it into something difficult and complicated. Many of us allow the idea to creep into our minds that there must be a “saved,” certain, special someone out there for us. We believe that there are trials and tribulations to be endured so that we can meet the One.

Have we made the “search” for love that much harder on ourselves by creating and building up this idea that there is only one person who can make us eternally happy? (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes.)

A friend of mine made a very insightful and interesting comment regarding the search for an eternal companion. “Its hard to believe or understand that a loving Father who answers when I pray that I have enough gas in the car to make it to payday, or protects me when my car breaks down, doesnt have an opinion on who I marry.”

I sat and thought upon that idea for a while. Shes right. It does seem hard to fathom that the God who helps me with something as trivial as finding missing car keys, doesnt have a stake in my potential mate.

But then it hit me.

My roommate is wrong. And so was I.

Theres a very huge difference in having the faith that the Lord will help me find the missing keys, or will get my jalopy home, and saying He has an opinion or an interest in me finding the car keys. When I find those keys, it is because I had the faith to be led to find them. Its an answer to a prayer. And while the scriptures are very in-depth, detailed, and written to be applied in all time periods, Ive yet to find a verse that says, “look under the couch.”

But in comparison, there are dozens of scriptures, both ancient and modern-day, that tell us where to marry, how to marry, and who to marry. They just leave out the specific name of the person, and what day and where to meet him. But thats okay. Thats where faith comes in.

Consider this advice from Elder Bruce R. McConkie, “The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist. It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make” (in Conference Report, Sept.Oct. 1955, 13).

Lessons Learned and to be Learned

Several months ago I had mentally and emotionally reached a point where I had to accept and admit to myself that I was very unhappy. The move to Washington, DC, for the new job had not gone to plan. The friends and activities I thought I would have waiting for me here had not turned out as expected. My salary situation was complicated and considerably less than I had anticipated. I had nearly no social life. I was poor, broke, bored, and lonely.
Going to my mid-singles ward (congregation) every Sunday exacerbated my pain. Everyone else there seemed to have a network of friends, nice clothes and cars, and all the things I had hoped to have, but hadn't panned out.
I began to mentally check-out and withdraw from my ward. But I didn't turn away from the Church, Spirit, or gospel. I turned more to prayer than I had in a long time, in search of guidance. I had partially made the decision, completely based on my pained emotions, to leave the mid-singles ward and go to my nearby family congregation. I figured no one would notice my absence, since no one had noticed my presence.
I prayed more than once. I prayed for several days, if not weeks. And then one day I began to receive an answer and guidance in the way that I often receive answers to prayers. It began as a foreign thought in my mind. An idea that I knew didn't come from me. Just an idea that forced me to think and puzzle it out, and reconcile it with what I knew and felt.
I find that these moments often come to me when I'm driving and my mind is clear. When I used to drive from Roanoke to DC so often, I had many of these moments alone in my car. I miss them now.
It was a Thursday afternoon. I remember it clearly. I was in my car. And a thought came to me that I had to work out, ponder on, and eventually it led me to an answer.
What that thought was is not what's important. But it was the feeling I had at the end of it. I recognized the experience. I had had similar experiences in the past that had prepared me for major life changes. A little seed was planted in my heart that opened my mind to accepting a major change just around the bend. These have always been changes that I could not control, but would need to accept for my own happiness. (For instance, every time a bishop has been released in my ward, I knew it in this same way in advance.) I don't handle imposed change very well. I always need to come to the same conclusion that the change was needed and the solution was the best option. And sometimes I don't agree, or it takes me a long time to get there. And so these moments where I have felt the Holy Ghost prepare me in advance have been cherished and important to me.
And that Thursday afternoon I got the answers to my prayers- there was about to be a major change in my life, and I needed to be prepared to accept it.
And so I was.
In the following days I was "called" or asked to co-chair the mid-singles conference. After I prayed about it, I readily accepted the assignment. I knew it would be a tough road ahead, but I felt spiritually prepared.
But then I went home and cried for hours. I've planned conferences in the past and knew what I was getting myself into. I didn't cry about the workload though. I knew I could survive that. I cried because I have been there before. And I know that when you are in charge of planning a spiritual event for 400 people, Satan will do everything to ruin your life.
I wasn't wrong.
These last several months have been a true test. I've nearly stopped blogging altogether because I just don't want to share all of the difficulties I've been hit with. Of course, the hardest thing I've endured is losing my job. (My grandmother dying, my apartment getting condemned, and car troubles rank pretty high up there as well.)
But on the hard days, the really hard days, where my life is just not easy or rosy, it helps to stop and remember how clearly and perfectly I heard the answers to my prayers.
I know I am in the right place and the right time. I know I will survive this.
I know there are some who would like to believe that for every major effort and sacrifice we make, we are paid back in obvious blessings. For instance, put your heart and soul into planning a major conference, and you'll get your dream job.
I don't believe it's always so obvious. For me, my heart can accept that I've survived and received dozens of blessings these last few months, because I was willing to devote myself to the Lord's work. I haven't gone hungry. Miracles have paid my rent. Hearts have been softened and opened to offering me unexpected assistance.
There are less than 7 weeks left to the mid-singles conference. The workload is getting heavier by the day. I can rarely relax without my brain overflowing with the dozens and dozens of things we need to get done. This is about the point where most people would want to run and scream and never do this sort of thing again.
Trust me, I have those feelings- often! But then I'm reminded one more time that I know that I'm in the right place at the right time. I find the strength to make one more phone call and one more email. Because I can do this. WE can do this. (I'm not alone. I have a great co-chair and committee.)